Unbounded me

Unbounded me

A Poem by sansrity sinha

As the dusk marks the end of day,
As moon marks, sense of calmness,
I lie down after a tiring day;
To begin my journey, to the world of my dreams!

It is different from the real world;
It has no anger or negative thoughts. 
It is merely built on optimism;
From the feelings that lie deep in my heart. 

I can be all i want there! 
From drops of rain to shallow lakes;
From delicate butterfly to timid squirrels!
From blooming flower to colorful birds!

I see myself full of zeal;
As cheerful as a little kid;
Free and unbounded.. 
The real me.. 

I fly between clouds; 
I rest on blooming flowers!
I see myself in treehouses;
Away from chores, that only harm. 

What lies within, defines who we are, 
Every morning with the break of dawn,
Lies the energetic me,
Ready to rise above all odds.

© 2016 sansrity sinha


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As a positive message piece or as a conversation about the effects of dreams and dreaming as an escape, this works well. The structure is sound, the pace is good.
The first and last stanzas contain some depth as far as word usage and developement of the theme. I did think the third and fourth stanzas could be expanded, both to maintain the line count set in the first and last two stanzas, as well to extend the emotional idealism of the work.
Its a personal opinion, I try to make sure of in my own work, and I hope you do not see this as an expectation for you to change your process, but I do believe this piece would not have suffered if you had chosen use synonyms of the words, marks, world, and blooming, rather than repeating them. Certainly I accept that as a lyrical effect, the repeating of a line or term can be used to communicate strong contextual meaning, if of course its purposeful.
There is an interesting flow of imagery that dances with the larger theme of your poem.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sansrity sinha

2 Years Ago

thank you so much for such a constructive review! i agree about the third and fourth stanzas..I 'll .. read more



Reviews

You have an amazing way of looking at things, and it can be seen perfectly in the poem!
wonderful job!

keep writing :D

Posted 2 Years Ago


sansrity sinha

2 Years Ago

haha..thank you so much! :)
As a positive message piece or as a conversation about the effects of dreams and dreaming as an escape, this works well. The structure is sound, the pace is good.
The first and last stanzas contain some depth as far as word usage and developement of the theme. I did think the third and fourth stanzas could be expanded, both to maintain the line count set in the first and last two stanzas, as well to extend the emotional idealism of the work.
Its a personal opinion, I try to make sure of in my own work, and I hope you do not see this as an expectation for you to change your process, but I do believe this piece would not have suffered if you had chosen use synonyms of the words, marks, world, and blooming, rather than repeating them. Certainly I accept that as a lyrical effect, the repeating of a line or term can be used to communicate strong contextual meaning, if of course its purposeful.
There is an interesting flow of imagery that dances with the larger theme of your poem.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sansrity sinha

2 Years Ago

thank you so much for such a constructive review! i agree about the third and fourth stanzas..I 'll .. read more
Hello sansrity sinha,

Great poem! I love the energy and feel of it.

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

Posted 2 Years Ago


sansrity sinha

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much:). I wish the world was indeed as my dreams!
Schatzi

2 Years Ago

I wish it were too!
Nice poem.
Dreams often show us what we're either afraid or incapable of seeing or being in waking life, a kind of plaything of the subconscious where even morality is sacraficed.

Posted 2 Years Ago


sansrity sinha

2 Years Ago

Yes, i totally agree...dreams are the depictions of our mental state..we often see what we wish to h.. read more
Damn I wish I could be like that poem. This gave me chills, so beautifully you have written and expressed.


Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sansrity sinha

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much for the appreciation:). Means a lot to me..
If only we could be like our dreams. Valentine

Posted 2 Years Ago


sansrity sinha

2 Years Ago

World would have been much happier had it been like my dreams:)

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Added on August 23, 2016
Last Updated on August 28, 2016


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