THE DOLL

A doll, a man, a woman...read on...

THE DOLL

-Saunved

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Steven looked blankly at the little doll in front of him. There it lied on the table…he observed its big, round black eyes, its tiny nose… which was almost invisible, its curly, wavy hair which was hidden beneath a dark blue cap and a flowing body, making it look like a tiny ghost.

The yellow light above the table flickered, casting shadows across the tiny room. The doll seemed to be smiling at him. Steven smiled back.

‘How are you?’ he asked the doll.

It looked at him, blankly…and he kept on looking back at it. Then, he got up from his chair and fell down again into it with a thud. The doll got up. Steven smiled at it.

‘I knew you would wake up!’ he said smiling at it. The doll walked across the table and peered below, looking at the floor as if it was around a thousand miles below it. Steven felt it shiver. That was when he realized how cold it was. He thrust his hand into his front pocket and pulled out a left-over cigarette along with a cigarette lighter. He lighted the cigarette with a lordly air and slowly puffed at it with the grace of a man who has known how to puff cigarettes before he could drive…

The doll looked at him and said, ‘You were smoking when I last saw you. You had told me you won’t smoke again.’

‘Yeah, old habits die hard, I guess!’ he replied and blew a ring of smoke at the

doll. It moved behind, dodging the wavy, smoky lines and sat down on the table.

‘You know,’ it said, its voice sweet and caring, ‘you could have thrown me out of the house when you left it…you know…before you came here, and started to live alone.’

‘I could have…but I like speaking to you.’

‘I like to sleep at this time, and I don’t enjoy your smoking in front of me, you know, I have seen you since you were a small child…it hurts me immensely.’

‘Oh come on Bella…I know you are a nice doll. Why do you do this to me? You can tolerate this much, cannot you?’

‘Yes, Steven’ the doll sighed, and got up. It lifted its hands up to its wavy hair and slowly pulled it behind, trying her best not to let the hair into her eyes.

Steven got up from the chair and picked up an old bottle of strong beer lying near him. Its cork was absent. Picking the bottle up with vigor, he drank all that remained in the bottle and took out another bottle from beneath his chair.

‘Aaaah!’ he sighed, ‘that is what I call a life!’

‘You know what? That is what I call dying early, Steven.’

‘Oh come on Bella…I know all that stupid stuff…but this thing is good on a winter night…it keeps me alive.’

‘Does it? This is temporary. You know you will die soon, if you keep this up!’
‘I will die earlier if I don’t keep this up!’ Steven said, smiling stupidly.
‘Oh Steven! How I wish we were in your old house. It was so nice and cozy there. How I wish-’
‘SHUT UP! SHUT UP! NOT A WORD! If you start about your stupid wishes, I will burn you on the stove!’
‘I-’
‘I SAID SHUT UP!’

Silence. Bella was quick in moving as far away from Steven as possible. She knew his rage but she also knew that even if Steven was in his worst rage, he would not hurt her. She was the only toy he had; that too borrowed (as he said) or to be precise, stolen from a friend of his…his then future wife who was dead now.

Steven banged the bottle down on the table and Bella screamed in fright. Then, he slowly picked her up and felt her blue hat.
‘Steven…please. Put me down.’

Steven obeyed.
‘You are the only memory I have, Bella.’ Steven said.
Bella stood rock silent. He had asked her not to speak about that topic. She was not going to utter a word.
‘You are the only memory I have of her. Funny, isn’t it? To have the memory of someone, which you don’t want to keep…but to have no other ch-choice!’ he hiccupped.

‘I-’
‘SHUT UP!! NOT A WORD BELLA, NOT A WORD!’

Bella looked at him. There was no anger in her eyes…only sadness…and a pain, different from anything else. She knew Steven like she knew herself. He was her brother, her father and her child…depending on the situation.

‘Bella…Bella do you know how much I tried to…t-to make it alright? To c-cure the, that thing?’ he hiccupped until Bella thought he was going to throw up. She did not speak.
‘And then the doctors, they tell me that…that...!’ he was slowly crying, weeping, in fact.
‘I w-was devastated. You knew that I had to do it, don’t you?’
Bella pursed her tiny lips. She could not utter a word. Steven had told her so.
‘DON’T YOU BELLA? DON’T YOU? WHY DON’T YOU SPEAK?’
‘Y-yes Steven!’ she stammered, looking down. She could not look into his eyes. He would know she was lying.

‘And then…and then I-I had t-to do it. N-no one ever d-doubted me, did they B-Bella?’

‘No Steven. No one doubted you.’
‘I am a bad person Bella.’
Bella did not speak.
‘Even you think so,’ he continued, ‘I can see it in your movements, in your eyes…in your voice!’
‘N-no Steven.’
‘Yes Bella. Yes. You know I am a bad person. You accept it. WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME BEFORE HAND? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT I WOULD BE DEVASTATED?’
‘St-teven, you know-’
‘SHUT UP BELLA! YOU KNEW IT ALL! NOT A WORD! NOT A DAMN WORD! I WILL BURN YOU ON THE STOVE IF YOU SPEAK!’

Steven paced around the room, his movements swift, his eyes darting to every corner of the room, checking that she was not there. She could not be there, could she?

***

She was also called Bella- the daughter of two amazing parents who lived in a large bungalow, with a spacious, nearly monstrous garden in front of it. Steven’s father, Jack was their chauffeur. One day Steven received from Bella a doll which was one of her favorites. Steven, although a boy, had no toys at all and was more that happy to receive the doll.  From that day, Steven and Bella had become better friends. Steven used to call the doll Bella and whenever Bella could not come and play with him, he used to play with the doll, calling it Bella. Steven believed that the doll served as a connection between them or they were meant to be together, but as expected, they decided to marry when they grew up.

Bella’s parents opposed, upon which they eloped. Steven’s father died shortly, leaving him nothing except for a few odd possessions and then Bella’s parents died in an accident leaving all their money to Bella. It was after that, that Steven and Bella finally started to live happily. Money does not buy happiness, but it sure helps a lot in creating illusions.

And then, it happened. Bella fell prey to a truck while going home in her car. When Steven was summoned to the hospital, around one hour later, he came to know that she was paralyzed. The doctor, cool and calm, his hands a bit bloody and his face sweaty told Steven that Bella had to be taken proper care of after she got the discharge. She might take one month to recover from the paralysis, or she could take many years…depending on her willpower.

Steven took her home after one month. She could not move her legs. She had a slurred speech. She could hear. One month passed, then two…then three and then the months turned into a year and Bella was still paralyzed.  

Then, Steven lost his patience. He knew Bella had to die.

***

‘I killed her, Bella!’ Steven whispered.
‘Steven!’
‘Yes, Bella! I- I killed her! I KILLED HER!’
‘You did not Steven. You kept me. I am a memory of hers!’
‘You are not enough Bella. You are just a mere memory. Yes, you are perhaps the only doll who has mustered the courage to speak with a human!’
‘I could not see you in more pain.’
‘Or perhaps you were lonely, yourself?’
‘Maybe, maybe not. But, Steven, you did not harm her.’
‘Do you know something, Bella? I hated her as much as I loved her.’
‘You loved her as much as you hated her Steven.’

‘It’s the same thing.’
‘It is not.’
‘WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT?’
‘Bella.’ she replied coolly.
‘Bella? Is that you, really? Bella! I knew you were in the doll! I knew it was you!’
‘Steven, STEVEN! I am not Bella, your wife! I am Bella, your doll!’
‘No…you are Bella! My wife!’

Steven picked up Bella and straightened her curly hair. ‘You are indeed Bella. I can recognize your eyes, your hair…you are indeed Bella!’

‘Put me down this instance!’
‘Alright,’ he said. He did not put her down. He walked towards his kitchen and looked out of the window. There was a road outside, quite deserted.
‘Steven, your hand is really rough. And black. You should stop smoking.’
‘That was what she said a day before she died. T-that was what she said, didn’t she? You are her! You speak like her!’
‘I am not her, Steven. You are not in your senses.’
‘Today is the most sensible day of my life.’

He put Bella down. Then, he slowly took out another cigarette and lighted it. Puffing at it, he slowly opened the window.
‘She told me to look outside during the night…at the moon. She told me that she would be there.’
‘Steven-’
‘I never see her. Do you know why?’
‘Steven, p-please-’
‘Because she is in you. But you cannot understand me like she did. Can you? She is not completely in you!’
‘S-Steven, p-please!’ Bella stammered.

He slowly turned the knob of the stove and let his cigarette drop down onto it. The fire emerged out of the stove and hissed. Bella, then knew she was catching fire slowly. He had let her down on the stove.

‘And then, she died in the fire. I thought I could kill her early. Get the money. But you know what? She never left it to me. Her will revealed that she had left all her parent’s money to charity and this shack to me! And her huge estate…her huge estate, she gave to some stupid trust. Yes, she had left me the house, but it burned, didn’t it? She knew I was cruel from inside. Just like you know how cruel I am from the inside. And I cared for her for a year Bella. I never left her bedside, did I? DID I?’

‘I am catching fire Steven.’

‘Our neighbor called me that night. He told me that the house was catching fire. Of course, Bella could not get up, could she? There was no one in the house. I had told the nurse to take the night off. And, and I had left to dine in the hotel near the house; you know, it was my day off too. I did not light the fire, did I? DID I? WHY DON’T YOU SPEAK?’
‘N-no. Y-you did not light the fire, Steven,’ Bella said, unable to look into his eyes.

Steven continued, “I was dining outside. Oh…poor Bella…how she caught fire! She died…very soon, didn’t she? I was devastated. My Bella! DEAD! And only you remained in the ashes…you…nearly burnt! It is time Bella…to end what I had started!’

Bella was on fire now. She made no effort to escape. Slowly, her face came apart, the threads melting amidst the silent blue flames, which hissed as the doll slowly shrunk. The pure white face of the doll was now black, and then it was no more…burnt…and shrunken!

Steven looked at what remained of the doll and sighed.

***

When he woke up the next day, he dressed as quickly as he could, and went to a gift shop nearby. He bought a doll, nearly just like he had bought the day before. He was borrowing it from Bella who had left it for him in the gift shop, wasn’t he? He requested the shop owner to give him the doll on credit, to which the shop owner reluctantly agreed.

The doll looked just like the one he had burnt yesterday. He picked it up slowly and carried it home. After dinner, he put the doll on the table and sat down on the chair. Picking up a bottle of beer, he took a small swig and looked at the doll. He decided he would call it Bella.

The yellow light above the table flickered, casting shadows across the tiny room. The doll seemed to be smiling at him. Steven smiled back.

‘How are you?’ he asked.

 

 

Author's Note

Do tell me what you think, and any improvements are welcome...