It's not so easy

Breathe, he said. Like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like it would solve all of my problems. Like it would make the bluebirds sing and all would be simple.

Breathe, he said. Like it would end all of the hatred and struggles in the world. Like I could finally smile again and not hold my breath in, not keep all of my worries and fears bottled up inside waiting to pour out like clouds on a rainy day.

Breathe, he said. Like the act of taking in pure, sweet oxygen and releasing carbon dioxide was like pushing out all of the terrors inside of me. Only the happy, innocence, and youth could fill my insides, flowing through my blood to the rest of my tense body.

But it wasn't easy and I didn't have time to just breathe. I was tired and stressed and all I could do was think and think and think about nothing but yesterday and tomorrow and today.

All of my options were closing in on me and I didn't like any of them. I wanted to run away, free from the pressures weighing down on me. Just pack my bags and drive away. I'd drive and drive until I saw every inch of the world because the world is too small to stay in one familiar place. But I know that once I'm away, I'll find new problems to worry about and new people to become attached to. Running away would only bring my problems elsewhere, and I knew this to be too true.

I wanted to fall in love, hopelessley and deeply in love. I wanted to know what it felt like to look into someone's eyes and know that everything was gonna be okay and that for once, I was needed. I was wanted.

He told me to breathe, he did. He was the one who said to just let it go, I was too good for the rest of the world's problems. I was too young and full of beautiful happiness to let anything get me down.

So I stopped. I stopped thinking and worrying and I took a breath. I let the pure, sweet oxygen into my mouth, swimming down my throat and into my vacant lungs. I exhaled, only letting the carbon dioxide escape. And all I could think of now, was to breath.