The simple act of drowning

People say to be positive, keep your head up and keep on moving forward. I must be the exception because I can’t stay positive when it seems that everything brings me down.

I’m like an anchor, sinking to the bottom of my pitiful life.

So here’s to everything breaking down around me, take a dive deep inside my head.

Here’s to silence, where my thoughts fill in the blanks.

I keep searching for a saving grace that will bring me to my feet. A time where happiness is eternal and I don’t have to worry about tomorrow.

There are those days when thinking of the future pushes me into a dream where everything is simple and nothing hurts. Those days keep me alive.

Those moments are where reality is hard to break from my soundless slumber. I’m holding onto the night.

If it weren’t for my traveling thoughts, I’d be stuck in reality. But thinking of the future hurts me just as much; I can’t seem to find a way out of this Hell.

I’m drowning, and no one seems to care.

When I can’t turn my anger on the world, I begin to hate myself. And with this hatred, the fire inside still burns.

I’ve realized that I hurt people and the fire becomes stronger.

I do these things because people expect so much from me, and it’s as if with all my wrongs, I’m trying to make a right.

The fire begins to spread until you can see it in my innocent eyes.  

I feel so low that this seems to be my normal, so when I’m happy, even for the slightest of a second, it brings a warm feeling throughout my numb body.

Bring me back to life, will you? Because I’m searching for something out of reach. I’m hoping someday I’ll breathe again.