Part VII: Widening Cracks, Year -2

Part VII: Widening Cracks

Year -2

Janis

It was a cold, rainy day, a bit odd considering we were expecting snow, not rain in the city. I woke up and immediately kicked Jack in the groin and he woke up and started yelling at me. I didn’t give a s**t how he felt, I needed him out of the house because Jorge was coming over today and I needed time to shower before he got there. Luckily, my parents were out drinking the night before so they didn’t wake up to the screaming.  I punched him in the face and told him to get the f**k out of my house. After about fifteen minutes, he finally got the hint. I took a shower and checked my phone and noticed Jorge had texted me while I was bathing. I was so excited because that day was our anniversary. We had been going out for like, three years, since we started high school.

Our school was so big, there was no way I knew everyone but I was glad I found him. So after about a half an hour, he finally showed up and we were going to spend the entire day together. The first thing we did was screw. Poor b*****d can’t hold his own. Anyway, after that we went to a restaurant for lunch. They took way too long for our order so I got bored and gave him a blowjob from under the table. That ate up about ten minutes and just as I swallowed, I heard the plates hit the table. He tapped on the table to let me know it was clear to come out, so we ate our lunch and left. Then, we took a walk in the park and had sex in a thick clump of trees. It was starting to get dark, so we went to dinner and then to a double feature two for one special. I don’t remember much of the movie, I was giving head during a lot of it. During the second movie I passed out during some parts, but once there was a sex scene, I couldn’t help myself and went back to blowjobs. The movie finished and we left the theater.

“That was a great movie, Jorge.” I told him.

“I knew you’d like it babe, it has your favorite actor in it.” He said.

“Of course we didn’t do much watching” I giggled.

“Heh heh. Yeah, I know, listen babe, we’ve been going out a long time”

“Mmm yeah, we have”

“Which is why I was wondering if you’d marry me” and he got down on one knee and showed me the engagement ring. It was a beautiful ring with a gem on it. I don’t know if it was cubic zirconium or actual diamond, but most people around here are poor, so it was probably cubic zirconium. I didn’t care, I was excited to get married.

“Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!” A car pulled up on the side of the street where we were and I instantly recognized the gang members inside.

“Oye vato! Jose sends his regards!” One of the gang members in the backseat said was one of the last things I remember. That, and a spray of bullets hitting the both of us and Jorge falling to the ground. I passed out from the pain and I remember waking up in the hospital. When I first opened my eyes I noticed a skinny guy with long hair in a hoodie and dirty jeans sitting in my room and passed out, and I screamed.

“WHO THE F**K ARE YOU???” I screamed.

“Shhh, shh, it’s ok, I’m part of the reason you’re still alive.” He said.

“Huh?”

“Yeah, right after you and your friend got shot, I called an ambulance for you two, but your friend was DOA, you’ve been in intensive care for a week. My name is Sydd.”

“Oh, um, I’m Janis. Um, thank you, I guess.”

“No problem, I left my number in your phone in case you ever wanna talk.” So, I checked myself out of the hospital and he took me home. I read Jorge’s obituary in the newspaper on my bed that my parents had left for me. I cried uncontrollably for hours until I passed out. When I woke up, it was the middle of the night so I decided to text Sydd. We got to talking, and he offered to accompany me to the funeral.  I agreed, and the next day he picked me up at my house and we went.  “I’m sorry about your boyfriend, I-I didn’t know.”

“It’s alright, he was only gonna marry me.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“But I’m glad I found a new friend, someone who actually cares.”  We started talking and occasionally hanging out and after a couple of months we became good friends. On Valentine’s Day, I was alone for the first time in years. I met up with Sydd and he was alone too, so I decided to wing it. “Happy Valentine’s Day Sydd, will you be mine?”

“Yeah sure but I-“

“Shh, don’t say anything, I want it to be perfect.” And I gave him a long kiss. “Need a girlfriend?”

“Will you be mine Janis?”

“Sure, after all you did save my life.” We went back to my house and screwed for a while. That’s how me and Sydd got together, and we’ve been going strong for a year. The drugs are the only thing that bothers me though…

Sydd

I went upstairs one day to get something to eat out of the kitchen. As I go into the dining room, I spotted Rob fist f*****g Carmella on the table. So, I turned right around and headed back downstairs to my room. I was so bored and Zakk wasn’t home so I couldn’t ask for anything, and I was completely out. Luckily, he was having a party that night and I still had a few beers in my stolen mini fridge. I took a couple out and downed them like water. I went into Rob’s room and I noticed he had a couple bags of horse on his dresser. I did one and pocketed the other one and decided to go for a walk.  It was already starting to get dark out, it was twilight. After wandering around for three hours, spending most of the time staring at the grooves on a tree, I decided to go back home. I walked into the house and Rob slammed me against the wall.

“Where’s my horse, f****r?” Rob said.

“Chill, chill, here.” I took the bag out of my pocket and ten bucks and gave it to Rob and he immediately calmed down. I noticed Zakk already had a few people over and I got a hard lemonade out of the fridge and downed it. I approached Zakk with the thirty bucks I had. “I want two bags of horse and a dime of weed.”

“Nah, man. It’s a party, just have at it.” Zakk says.

“Seriously?”

“Hell to the yeah!” Before long, more and more people started to show up. I smoked, snorted, and drank my way into inebriation. Around eleven thirty, I left the house and started walking around town. After about half an hour, I started to crash a little bit. I heard gunshots and ran in the direction of the shots, meanwhile trying to regain my composure. I got there and saw two bodies lying on the ground, a Puerto Rican dude and a white blonde chick. I called 911 and knelt down and checked the boy’s neck. No pulse. I checked the girl’s neck. Faint, but there. Within minutes, the ambulance pulls up, and the paramedics came out.

 “What happened here?” one of the paramedics asked me.

“So, I was walking down the street and I heard gunshots, so I rushed over and found the boy over there dead, and she still has a pulse.”

“Ok, try to keep her alive!” the paramedic yells to the others. “I’ll try to revive this one! What’s your name, boy?”

“S-Sydd. Sir.”

“Sydd, thank you for your help, but we’ll take it from here.”

“Do you mind if I take a ride? She’s a close friend of mine.” I said. Truthfully, I didn’t know her, but she was kinda hot, so maybe I might get something out of saving her life.

“Uh, sure, whatever, just don’t touch anything.”

“Yessir.” So I rode in the back of the ambulance, holding the girls’ hand while they try to revive the guy with no luck. We got to the hospital, and after a week in the ICU, she finally woke up.  I wasn’t there the whole time, but I did manage to steal pills from the nurse’s station during every visit. A few minutes before she woke up, I passed out after eating a couple mind erasers while I was on horse. After talking for a little while, I learned her name was Janis, and we got to talking.  I’ll tell you something, she f***s like a s**t, and it’s great. I took her to meet my friends at home, though Brian wasn’t there, but who gives a s**t about him? I tried to get her to smoke with us, and after a little convincing, I managed to talk her into it. It was just a normal blunt, but she passed out instantly, and when she woke up, she had amnesia. She didn’t know who I was, where she was, it was bad, what a lightweight. She finally got her brains back in her head and when she realized everything, we were back to normal.

So to celebrate, we went downstairs and screwed.  She even let me snort some coke off her tits. So one day, she tells me we haven’t had a proper date, which was right, considering all that had happened in the time that we’ve know each other. So, we decided a nice lunch at a restaurant would be nice. As we are waiting for our food, she went under the table and gave me a blowjob, it was the best date ever. We went back to my house and I did some more drugs, but she said she didn’t’ want any more.  That was fine with me, more drugs for me. We screwed and I took her home. She told me she was getting her own apartment soon, and I should help her move. I asked if I could move in with her, and she told me no because the walls were thin and the neighbors would be able to smell whatever I was smoking. That was fine with me, considering living with Zakk has its benefits. Needless to say, I agreed to help her out. I see her almost every day, sometimes she’s too busy to hang out, but I understand. If I wasn’t there that night, we wouldn’t have gotten together and I wouldn’t have saved a life, especially when in the long run it’ll be the best thing  I think I’ve ever done. We’ve been going out since, and she’s wonderful, I couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend. The only thing is she’s always on the phone talking or texting someone which kinda worries me, I don’t know if she’s doing something behind my back…

Rob

Carmella came over the house one day really upset, so I asked her what was wrong. She was having problems at home. I made it up to her by f*****g her. I had loosened her up enough that I was able to fist her by this point. I was in the process of doing her on the table when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around, and there was nothing behind me. So I proceeded to finish and licked the cum off my fist and went into the bathroom. We cleaned ourselves off and I went downstairs cause I still had a couple of bags of horse left, one for me, one for her. I checked on top of my dresser, and noticed they were gone.

“Babe?” I asked.

“What?”

“Where’s the horse?”

“It should be on your dresser.”

“It’s not there.” I could only come to one conclusion: Sydd must’ve taken them. F*****g b*****d, he knows if he’s gonna steal my s**t, at least leave the money’s worth in its place so I could get more.  I was pissed so I took a walk and a couple of hours later Zakk told us to get ready for the party. I do have a confession though, I’m not sure how it happened or what happened exactly, but after I left the house, I started the hunt for Sydd. I checked his usual spots but couldn’t find him anywhere. Then I saw this hot looking redhead with huge tits and a nice body.  I approached her and the next thing I remember, I was in the alleyway with large shards of bloody, broken glass and she was bloody, naked and in pieces in the dumpster. I booked it home as fast as possible and took a shower and burned my clothes and went down to the basement to my room. Anyway, he told us to get ready for the party and he left a couple bags of horse and two E pills on the dresser for us and we did them. We went upstairs and a few people showed up. I pounded a few and after about an hour Sydd came home.

I slammed him against the wall asking for my s**t and he immediately surrendered. What kind of world do we live in that even best friends can’t be trusted anymore? He’s still my best friend, but I’m gonna keep an eye on him. If he steps out of line again, I’m gonna have to be firm with him. The party was good, we smoked some weed, shot up some horse, drank like m***********s, it was good. Sydd left the house at some point, but I didn’t care. At about three, people went home and Sydd didn’t come home till like, four. Zakk passed out on the couch and Brian passed out on the floor. Me and Carmella went downstairs to my room and fucked and fell asleep.  Carmella’s phone was blaring at seven in the morning, it pissed me off. It was her mom calling, asking where she was and why she wasn’t home because she had school. She decided to hang up the phone in the middle of her mom screaming at her. “Is everything alright babe?”

“No, my f*****g mom won’t leave me the f**k alone! Ugh, I wish I was eighteen already so I could move in with you.”

“Soon, baby, soon.”

“Yeah, another f*****g year, I can’t wait that long.”

“So spend as much time with me as you possibly can, and not at your mom’s house. Eventually, enough time will go by and you will be old enough to move in with me.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea, Rob.” We passed back out, and by the time we woke up, it was the afternoon. We got up, did some blow, and fucked. That’s basically what my days consist of anymore, not much to tell, but thankfully Carmella’s getting closer to eighteen and we can be together all the time. 

It’s just as well, I hardly ever see Sydd anymore, he’s always with that w***e of a girlfriend who I’m pretty sure is cheating on him, she talks to Brian a lot. But, whatever, f**k him, I have Carmella who I can still do drugs with and as a bonus, screw. I’ve had to start hiding my s**t because otherwise, Sydd might steal it. I’ve even considered buying a gun, although I’m gonna have to steal it because with my criminal record I can’t get one so easily. Maybe I should take on Zakk’s approach and go out and break legs and s**t, like he almost did to me when I was fourteen. The last guy that crossed Zakk ended up dead and missing. They still haven’t found him, or know it’s Zakk. Me and Sydd were there for that and he swore us to secrecy or else the same thing would happen to us. D****t, I keep going back and mentioning Sydd. I’m starting to hate him a little bit. The c**t that he’s with is gripping his balls and he’s such an a*****e with stealing my s**t, he never did that until the day of the party. Maybe I should steal his s**t, see how he likes it.  One way or another, this has got to stop. Either he stops stealing and s**t from me, or I’ll end his f*****g life, or have someone else do it He’s still my dude, but he needs to get his head out of his a*s, and if that c**t of a girlfriend of his tries to change him, I’ll shoot them both, but I still need a gun. I don’t know how much longer me and Sydd will be friends, he might turn his back on all of us…

Carmella

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, you old b***h, I’m not going to f*****g school!” I yelled at my mom one morning.

“You little c**t, you’re going to school, and you’re going to f*****g like it!” she yelled back.

“F**k off!” She got pissed and slammed my door on her way out. I’m so sick of having this conversation with her every day, I just wish I could move in with Robbie, but I can’t, I’m only sixteen so I have to live with my old hag of a mother until then. I mean, yeah, my mom knows I smoke weed, I smoke with her, that’s no surprise, but if she knew about the other drugs I did, she’d be even more livid. She’d probably put me in rehab, the fat old f**k. My mom had no choice but to leave me home and go to work. I did a couple lines and watched some cartoons while waiting for Robbie to text me back. I wasn’t expecting him to be up at eight o’clock in the morning, but sometimes he’s so wired he stays up until late morning anyway. Luckily for me, he wrote me back and said it was cool for me to come over. I took a shower and got dressed and went over to his house. Zakk greeted me with open arms and me, Zakk, Brian, Rob, and Sydd all smoked a laced blunt. I felt good and me and Robbie started making out hardcore on the couch. I passed out at some point and woke up naked on Rob’s bed.

 I don’t remember screwing, but it was with Robbie so it was ok. I asked him why he didn’t just wake me up to f**k, but he said he tried and I wouldn’t wake up. Usually I’m ok and don’t pass out but there was more heroin than meth this time. I’m not as used to heroin as he is; coke and meth are my favorites. A few times I did have to suck dick for coke for the both of us but it was totally worth it. I’ve had to f**k Brian a few times too. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so we got up and he gave me a couple pills to get me high considering it had only been a half an hour span that all this happened, so he was still flying high. Sydd came downstairs and went into his room. Music started blasting in his room and me and Robbie went back upstairs. He bought a couple of bags of heroin for later and put them on his dresser. We decided it was a good idea to go for a walk, so we stopped at the local burger restaurant and made pigs of ourselves. When we left, we went back to the house and passed out again, despite the loud music. We woke up several hours later to a guitar solo. Robbie got pissed cause he wanted to f**k again and he didn’t know if Sydd would come out of his room in the middle of it, so we decided to have sex upstairs. After we took an E pill, we let it kick in and went upstairs to f**k on the couch. Zakk was in the living room, so we decided to wait.

“Yo, I gotta pick up some more s**t for tonight’s party.” Zakk said.

“We’ll be here when you get back.” Rob said.

“Don’t let no one touch my s**t or there’ll be hell to pay.”

“We know this by now.” Zakk left and we decided to take our chance. Then, I noticed how smooth the surface of the table was.

“Babe?” I asked

“Yo.”

“Let’s f**k on the table.”

“Alright.” So, as he’s fingering me, he starts fitting more and more fingers and it felt amazing. Before I knew it, he had his whole fist in my p***y, it was amazing. He looked back for a second, and I don’t know why. We eventually finished screwing and we cleaned ourselves up. We went downstairs to his room and he asked where the bags of heroin went, like I know. I told him it shoulda been on the table and he said they were gone and Sydd musta taken them. F*****g b*****d, he has his own s**t, why did he have to steal from us? Robbie was livid the whole rest of the day without his heroin. He left the house for a couple hours and came back pretty shaken up, I think he was looking to hunt Sydd down but couldn’t find him. An hour later, when Sydd finally showed up, Robbie slammed him against the wall and demanded what he stole and he coughed it up.

The party was great, I’ve never been so trashed in my life. We passed out and my b***h of a mother called me at seven in the morning to yell at me for not being at home so I could go to school, like I give a s**t. I hung up the phone on her, I wasn’t dealing with that bullshit. Like I said, every single day I have to deal with that s**t. I talked to Robbie about it, and he made me feel better by telling me that it was him that I should really pay attention to and love, and he’s totally right. We passed back out and when we woke up, I had him take me to the abortion clinic. This was my seventh time, they knew who I was already so it was no problem having it done. They lectured us and blah blah condoms, blah blah contraceptives, blah blah blah. We finally get out and to celebrate we went back to the house and he dipped his c**k into the coke and I sucked it off and then I had him lick the coke off my a*****e and we did anal since I just got scraped and did some more lines and passed out. Having this kind of life with Robbie makes me so happy, I hope we’re never apart. Since he’s been in my life, I’ve been much happier. If it weren’t for my b***h of a mom, my life would be perfect. Once I turn eighteen, I’m definitely moving in with my wonderful boyfriend.  He treats me so right and takes real good care of me, I love him so much. Between all the friends that I’ve lost because they abandoned me and my crappy a*s family, he’s the only one who’s actually been there for me and with me. I wonder if maybe someday we’ll get married…

Charlotte

“You f*****g b***h!” was the last thing I remember after falling down the stairs and smacking my forehead on the floor after my drunken dad pushed me. I woke up, I don’t know how much later, but my forehead stuck to the floor a little bit from the dried blood, but it was no problem getting up. I stumbled back upstairs and saw my dad passed out halfway on the stairs so I gave him a few swift kicks to the head. He’ll feel that when he wakes up. I made my way to the bathroom and washed my forehead. I had a deep gash from above the right side of my right eyebrow to the right of the left eyebrow, looks like I won’t be going to school for a few days.  To think, I was doing good for a couple of weeks, oh well. I went into my room, grabbed the switchblade from my dresser drawer and went back into the bathroom and cut a new line on my left arm. I’m up to six on my left arm, and seven on my right. I only do one at a time, unless I’m really depressed, then it’s one on each arm. I’ve only had to do that twice, and I’ve been at this for two years. I don’t know what I’m gonna do all day while I’m supposed to be at school, I’ll probably end up telling Leon to skip out and keep me company till school lets out then go to his house like I usually do. I’ll wear a big hoodie or wear a hat or something to hide the cut, I don’t know what to say to people, though I don’t mind telling Leon, he knows how my dad can get. I’ll just wear long sleeves, hopefully he won’t ask, he gets mad when I cut myself. After the high of cutting my arm was gone, I cleaned up and went to my room. I didn’t notice at first, but it was getting late, it was almost midnight. I shut off my alarm and sent a text to Leon to come over in the morning, and then went to sleep. When I woke up, Leon was asleep next to me just like I was hoping for. I cuddled next to him and fell back asleep. I woke up an hour later cause I was cold and I noticed the window was open. I guess Leon forgot to close it when he came in, he does that a lot. I woke up around one thirty and I shook Leon awake. He mumbled something and fell back asleep, he is so difficult to wake up it’s unnerving. After a couple of tries, he finally woke up.

“Hey baby.” He said, half asleep. He jumped a little when he saw the cut on my forehead. “Babe, what happened to your forehead?”

“My dad got drunk again and pushed me down the stairs.”

“Wow, what a dick. I’m sorry that had to happen to you baby.” He kissed my forehead, like that’s supposed to make me feel better.

I just smiled at him and said, “Thanks hun.” What I really want him to do is show me that he cares instead of being soft. Threatening to kick my dad’s a*s or going on about how it’s bullshit the way he treats me like s**t when he’s drunk, or something. No, he just agrees that he’s a dick and a kiss. I swear, sometimes my boyfriend can be quite a p***y. To think, as soft as he is, and he wants to be a cop? Never gonna happen, he’ll probably feel bad for the people he arrests. Then again, if they catch him on a bad day, he might be fired for beating someone up if they give him attitude. I know I have, four of my scars are because of him. He’s punched me in the face, and slapped me. Leon gets 2 cuts every time, because he’s my boyfriend and should care enough about me to not cause more scars and I think he forgets sometimes. After all, he always claims he took his medication so if anything happens, I can blame him and he can’t say s**t cause he’ll have no excuse.

“I’m hungry, babe.”

“There’s stuff for a sandwich.” He went downstairs and came back up, and I had just finished getting ready. “C’mon, it’s two o’clock.” So we left my house, mingled through town until school let out, and then went to Leon’s house.

“Hi Leon, hi Charlotte!” Moxxie said as we entered through the front door.

“Hi!” we said back. We went upstairs and laid our backpacks on his bedroom floor and turned on the television. We just laid there and watched it for almost two hours before Lance took over. It’s not fair that just because he’s Leon’s younger brother he can take over the tv when he comes home from school. Before long, it was time for them to have dinner, so I just sat in Leon’s room texting him while he ate with his family, I don’t like to eat in front of them, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I don’t like Hispanic foods except tacos, but if I’m going to eat with them once, then I have to eat with them all the time. They keep inviting me, and I keep refusing, they should give up by now. After Leon was done, he came back upstairs and we went back to lying down and watching tv. Then I noticed he was texting someone, I looked on his screen.

“Who are you texting?”

“Gabby.”

“Seriously? You’re texting her now?”

“C’mon, I don’t look at her, I don’t talk to her, I only text her, it’s the only communication I have with her.”

“I told you not to communicate at all with her! Texting counts, a*****e!”

“What the hell? She’s my friend!”

“Because I don’t trust her, Leon!”

“Why the hell not??”

“Because she wants you even though she knows you’re with me!”

“Shut the hell up, Charlotte!”

“Make me, a*****e!” and then he got up and slammed me against the wall and started choking me. Luckily, at the same time, his dad came up the stairs to see what the commotion was.

“What’s going on up here? Leon, get your hands off your girlfriend now!” He let go and sat back on the bed. “I’m sorry Charlotte; I didn’t raise my son to hit women. He glares at Leon and walks into his room. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this before I completely lose it. He’s talking to other girls and it pisses me off, I’m supposed to be the only girl in his life. It’s fine for him to have guy friends; he won’t have sex with them.  We’ve been together for almost two years, but you know, I’m starting to get real sick of his s**t, looks like I’ll be getting two new cuts today. Maybe one day things will change…

Leon

I got another text from Charlotte, what a surprise. I told her I was chilling with the boys today, she knew this, it’s been awhile since the three of us actually were able to hang out together. School and JROTC doesn’t count, considering Charlotte is always there too. I ignored her text and answered Gabby instead, we haven’t talked in a while, I was wondering how she was doing since we never talk anymore. Charlotte won’t let me and it pisses me off because I want to be able to have any friend I want, whether they are male or female. She’s holding me back from having a social life and her reasoning is illogical. No matter what she tells you, my friends, no matter who they are, are my friends and that’s that. I finally got the message that Aaron and John were outside so I left the house.

“What’s up, guys?” I said upon leaving the house.

“Yo, what up, fam?” Aaron said to me.

“What’s up?” John said.

“I’ll tell you what’s not up… us.” I said.

“You… are right, homie.” Aaron said.

“Please tell me you got.”

“F**k yeah, dawg.”  He pulls at least an eighth of weed out of his pocket.

“Hell yeah, let’s do this!” I was stoked cause I haven’t smoked in a while, especially with my two best buds. We went to the park and lit up. “Oh man, I missed this. Just me and my two bros, I don’t even care that Charlotte isn’t here, it’s just-“, I took a hit and exhaled. “Beautiful.”

“Yeah dawg, I thought she’d be with you.”

“Nah, I told her it’s just gonna be us today.”

“That’s what’s up.”

“Yeah, you two are lucky. Aaron, you made out with her and Leon, you’re banging her.” John said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“Nah, I’m just saying I would totally do your girlfriend.” John said.

“Why the hell would you say that?” I asked.

“Well, you were talking about Charlotte, and between the three of us, I never did anything with her, so I was just voicing my opinion that I would bend her over and give it to her.” John said.

“What the hell dude? That was uncalled for.” Aaron said.

“What, I can’t say anything about her?” John asks.

“Uh, no, you can’t cause she’s my girlfriend, a*****e.” I said.

“Aaron made out with her, and you don’t say s**t, what the hell, man?”

“Did you forget she’s your cousin?” I reminded him.

“Third cousin.”

“Dude, what the hell?” I was getting grossed out now. “We already discussed and are over that. Why you gotta bring s**t up for? And on top of that, tell me that you would do my girlfriend. Get the hell out of my face John.”

“What the f**k? I-“

“I said get the hell out of my face before I punch you in yours!”

“Bring it, b***h!” I didn’t have a choice, he got too close to my face, and I really hate it when people get too close to my face. I was gonna let it go because he’s one of my best friends, but when he got close, he decided it was a good idea to head-butt me and I just lost it. I started punching him repeatedly in the face, knocking his glasses off after the first shot. I blacked out for a second or two or three, I don’t know how long it was but Aaron managed to pull me off of him and he was lying on the ground with a bloody nose and two black eyes. I immediately felt bad for what I did, and I know things are gonna be strained between us, so I tried apologizing. We smoked another joint and mellowed out. I bummed a cigarette off of Aaron after we were done. I decided that at this point, we should all go back home. We went our separate ways and I went home. I passed out as soon as I got home and reached my bed. The last thought I had before I fell asleep was that I hope nothing else pisses me off; I won’t be in the mood to deal with it. I got a text from Charlotte around midnight that she was staying home from school because she was majorly upset and asked me to keep her company.  I don’t know how to feel anymore, one of my best friends wants to bang my girlfriend, my girlfriend doesn’t want me to have a social life, and my brother… I don’t know what’s up with him. I just, I feel like I’m losing touch with everyone I know, people are starting to show that they’re not the people who I thought they were…

Zakk

So, apparently a lot of people have been dying lately, and I mean, its sort of ok with me cause I don’t mind people dying, but I’m losing customers. Not only that, but Johnny and Ralph just got busted so now everyone has to put in extra effort until we find replacements and Carlos is worried one of them will talk so he’s going to have me kill them. It’ll be easy, Carlos has greased a lot of palms over the years. Haven’t decided on a disguise yet, can’t be recognized, ya know. I think I’ll just tie them to a chair, handcuff them and suffocate them. Quick, easy and clean; it is a police station after all, don’t want to make a scene. Nobody will miss them. Sad, but true. At least I can sort of control my habit. They went balls to the wall with the stuff and ended up owing money to Carlos. They had the highest prices since they did most of their product. Yes, we do a lot of drugs but I also cut my s**t so I can still sell most and still do a lot. Brian’s been acting shady lately, I don’t know what his deal is. Doesn’t matter, he still does his share.  He’s supposed to be my partner though and he’s only here just to get s**t and drop money off. He knows what he signed up for, and if he’s a snitch, he’s dead. I think it’ll be a sneak attack. Sneak up silently behind him and give him a quick slit to the throat. Or maybe I’ll walk up to him and stab him in the chest a couple of times before actually killing him so I can see the fear in his eyes as he watches me kill him. But, maybe he’s planning on bailing, in which case he has a couple of days to disappear, but if I ever see him again, he’s dead on the spot. We’re supposed to be running this s**t together, if he’s turned his back on me, there’s going to be a knife in it…

Brian

I don’t know, man. I really don’t want to do this anymore. People are getting busted, Zakk killed a couple of our associates and got away with it. Seriously? How? Is there something someone isn’t telling me? How deep am I in?  Look, I knew what I was getting into when I decided to become a drug dealer. I knew what I was getting into when I paired up with Zakk. However, I didn’t know we were in some of the cops’ pockets and probably some of their bosses. Makes me wonder if I’ve sold to any undercovers. Honestly, I want to quit while I’m ahead. I don’t want to end up in jail either, so if I quit before we get busted, I could have a chance at a normal life which is what I really want. Would I miss it? Honestly, when times were good, they were good. If I can find a good time again, I might get back into business normal life or not. Just call it a bonus.  I’ve never been a heavy user so it’s not like I’ll always be doing them, especially if I have a life built. If not, hey what’s a little spice once in a while? But anyway, I thought I knew what I was going on, but if this is how things are going to go, I don’t want any more part in it. We’re still good for now, but if things get too hot, I’m jumping ship. F**k Zakk and his guns, if he does what he says he’s going to do, and I’m a part of it, they won’t spare me either. All they’ll see is two guys on drugs holding guns and that will give them a good enough reason. I don’t wanna deal with that, I’m pissing myself just thinking about how big of a possibility it is that I could die soon. Zakk may be all about it, and I may hang around him a lot, but that doesn’t mean we think alike. Zakk has killed three people already, he’s crazy and I don’t want to be seen by other people as being just like him. Also, if I quit, then he’ll die by himself and his stupid forty-eight hours won’t mean s**t and I can do whatever the hell I want. That’s definitely how I’m going to go about it, but the only question is when? I have don’t really have anywhere to go. I mean, I’ve been limiting my time around him as much as I can, but he’s going to question me eventually. He’s going to kill himself if he ever gets busted. If I quit soon, I can avoid it, and I can live my life the way I want, but if it ever came down to it, I’d probably take myself out instead of going to jail cause I knew I wouldn’t last long anyway…