Unbalanced Electrical Storm: The Lost Chapter

Chapter XX: The Lost Chapter 

5 Months Later 

May 22, 2017 

Dear Diary:  

Ok, so it’s not a real diary, just a few pieces of notebook paper, but whatever, I had to write it down. I’m going out on a date with Charlie tomorrow, I can’t believe I even agreed to it but I can’t hold onto the past my whole life. True love will never die, and I do believe in my heart of hearts that Charlie is my true love, I think the curse may finally be broken. Besides, it’s been two years since Tad died, and he even told me in a dream, that it was ok to move on, so I will. I really love Charlie and I know he loves me, he’s still waiting for me, which I believe to be true at last, I’m so excited! I had to stop returning Samson’s calls about a month ago, I need space. I’m not a therapist, I don’t know what he expects me to do about all his problems. He hasn’t tried calling me in a couple of days, I hope he’s all right. Anyway, I’m getting ready for my date, I don’t want to be late, I’d feel stupid. Put this in the folder with the others when you get home. Buy new diary to celebrate. 

“S**t, I’m late, I’m late.” Sandra says, as she speed walks through the park, reaching Charlie, who’s waiting on the other side. 

“Hey, you’re right on time.” They hear three gunshots in the distance. “And apparently not a moment too soon, let’s go.” 

“I hope whoever that was is alright.” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

“So, what did you have in mind?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.” 

“If you don’t mind, how about dinner and some drinks?” 

“What are you hungry for?” 

“I don’t care.” 

“You ok with pizza?” 

“I don’t care, as long as I’m with you, I’m happy.” She smiles at him. 

“Thanks, babe.” 

“Aww, you called me babe!” 

“Get used to it, cause I can finally tell you how much I love you.” 

“I love you too, Charlie.” 

“God, it feels good to say.” 

“I completely agree. So, do you wanna take a cab? Bus?” 

“I was hoping we’d walk, it’s a beautiful day out, despite the rain earlier.” 

“Yeah, that was weird, it was so short.” 

“They’re called sun showers, babe.” 

“Neat. I love the rain, I’ve always wanted to do it in the rain.” 

“Me too.” 

“Oh, yeah, us dating means-” 

“Are you prepared for that?” 

“I- I am, oddly enough, probably because I’ve wanted it to happen my whole life.” 

“Same here, trust me, you’ll have a good time with me.” 

“I love you, and that’s enough for me, I just consider that bonus.” 

“Haha, you’re adorable. Hey, remember that day we found the dead body over here?” 

“Yeah, that was, what, seventeen years ago?” 

“Yeah, wow. Time really flies.” 

“That was the week you left.” 

“I didn’t have a choice.” 

“I know, but you’re back, and that’s all that matters.” 

“I was surprised to get your call.” 

“Well, I was talking with my therapist, and she told me not to be afraid anymore, so I just said f**k it, let’s give it a shot. Besides, if it’s true what they say, that true love never dies, I don’t have to worry about you dying on me until we’re old.” 

“You really think so? That means you think-” 

“That’s right, I do believe you are my true love.” 

“You really think I am?” 

“I felt like I’ve known it my whole life.” 

“I know exactly what you mean.” They go to turn the corner. 

“Can we turn on the next block?” 

“It just means we’re going to have to turn back in a couple of blocks since it’s down that street anyway.” 

“I know, but that pole-” She points to a noticeably newer telephone pole than the others nearby down the street from a bar. 

“Oh, that’s right, I’m sorry. Let’s go.” They instead turn on the next street and walk for a little. “Anyhoo, sorry I’m not Mr. Richbucks, but like you said, it’s about the time we spend together. I thought you quit drinking?” 

“I did for a while, but I kinda missed it, so it’s only on super special occasions, like tonight, my birthday, the holidays, like that.” 

“Good to hear you’ve got it under control.” 

“Thanks, I’m just gonna have a little bit tonight, I wanna be competent for when I take you home tonight.” 

“Oh really?” 

“Unless you don’t want to.” They turn and go down the street. 

“Oh, uh, yeah, of course I do. Are you ok with being here?” 

“Dimaggio’s? Yeah, luckily I’ve been here enough that it’s tied to more than just ex boyfriends.” 

“Alright, alright, just making sure.” 

“Thanks for asking though.” She smiles at him and gives him a kiss on the lips. 

“God, I love you so much.” 

“Glad to see you so excited about it.” 

“It’s just- I've just been holding it in for so long.” 

“I know, I know, I love you too.” 

“Are you guys just gonna talk or can I seat you?” The host says. 

“Yeah, sorry.” Charlie says. They get seated and order their drinks. 

“I thought you said pizza?” Sandra says. 

“They sell pizza here.” 

“How about we split a calzone?” 

“Sure, I can pull that off.” 

“Alright.” The waiter comes by and they place their order. “Usually, I’m on my second drink by now, but I don’t have the urge to guzzle it down.” 

“That’s a good thing.” 

“I suppose.” 

“Look, whatever happened, is all in the past. From this day forward, things are gonna change. You and me have a fresh start and the whole future to look forward to. I might not be Tad, but I promise I’ll treat you as well as he did, if not better. I love you, despite everything.” 

“I love you so much, Charlie.” 

“I know, I love you too, Sandy.” They get their food and eat. 

“Would you ever skip a check?” 

“Why would you ask me that?” 

“In case you didn’t have enough on you.” 

“If I don’t think I can afford it, I don’t try risking it.” 

“Ok.” 

“Why?” 

“Jack would occasionally skimp out on paying the bill. He’d get yelled at next time we showed up to the restaurant. Happened three times here. Luckily, the owners don’t blame me, considering I’ve been here without him, so they know it’s not me. Besides, I tip pretty well I’d like to think.” 

“Are you sure you’re over them?” 

“Yeah, I know I talk about them and stuff, but I wouldn’t have called you if I didn’t think so for sure.” 

“All right, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m right here.”  

“Yeah, I know.” she smiles at him. “I wonder how things would be different if we just did this to begin with?” 

“Eh, maybe it was supposed to happen this way.” 

“I had to live through tragedy first? That sounds horrific.” 

“Maybe it was the only way you could learn.” 

“But it’s just so fucked up.” 

“Life is pretty fucked up.” 

“Yeah, you’re right about that.” They finish dinner and leave. 

“So, we going to my place or yours?” 

“Can we go to your place?” 

“Sure, I don’t see why not.” 

“Alright. We walking back?” 

“If you don’t mind.” 

“I’m having a wonderful evening, it’s been almost perfect.” 

“Me too, babe... almost?” 

“The gunshots freaked me out, it was so close.” 

“Well, we’re far from that, have been for hours.” 

“You’re right, besides, I feel safe with you.” 

“I’ll always be there for you, you won’t have to worry about me at all. All of your worries are over.” 

“That makes me happy to hear you say that. I have no problem believing you either, because I’ve known you my whole life.” 

“Hey, look! My old house.” 

“Wow, I didn’t even realize which direction we were walking. Seems like just yesterday I would run over to see you and hang out. Michael used to get mad about that, especially the fact that he wasn’t invited.” 

“Remember that time my parents let him stay the night after my birthday party when we were seven, and we woke up to find he ate all my cereal? My mom said she had only bought that box two days ago, that there was still three quarters of a box left before he got to it. From that day on, my mom said he wasn’t allowed over anymore, that he was too expensive to feed.” 

“Yeah, he did the same thing to us at Thanksgiving one year. Ate all the good stuff, just mountains of it, all we had left was turkey and corn. My parents were pissed cause everyone had seconds, and he had fourths, mostly stuffing, potatoes and gravy and little bits of the rest. Ugh, he’s disgusting.” 

“What’s he up to these days?” 

“Last I heard, he got divorced from his wife.” 

“He was married?” 

“Yeah, can you believe it?” 

“That poor woman.” 

“You don’t know the half of it. I don’t talk to him anymore.” 

“I thought he was your best friend, you know, to replace me?” 

“He could never replace you, he was nowhere near as good as you.” 

“Well, that’s good to hear.” 

“I needed him at first, you were gone. I remember the day you left, I had detention that day.” 

“Yeah, cause of Francine. Right?” 

“Yeah. Funny how she’s my best friend now.” 

“Then you got your a*s kicked.” 

“Alright, that’s enough of that.” 

“Sorry.” 

“You’re fine. It’s nice to know that even with moving away, and having new friends, that you still remember certain details of memories about me.” 

“Of course, I thought about you every day.” 

“Really?” 

“Oh, yeah, I couldn’t wait to get ahold of you.” 

“I was always looking forward to it too.” 

“I was able to tell in your voice.” 

“Yeah, your voice squeaked a couple of times when you said hi, I just pretended not to notice.” 

“Well, son of a b***h.” 

“Haha, love you.” 

“Love you too, honey.” 

“Wanna take a seat in the park before we head home? I wanna just sit down, hold your hand, and just check out that view.” 

“Of course, whatever you want.” They cross the street into the park, and sit down on a bench overlooking a skyline. 

“Sometimes I forget how pretty this city can be.” 

“Yeah, but only at night.” 

“Daytime has its moments.” 

“Maybe you can see that, I don’t. I just see buildings and people.” 

“When the sun shines on just the right area, the buildings really pop, like giant mirrors.” 

“Haha, whatever you say honey.” 

“You just have to think abstractly.” 

“I’m not sure I can.” 

“Sure you can, let’s start you off with something easy. Like if you could turn that license plate into a word, what would it be?” 

“JZZ? Haha, Jizz.” 

“I was thinking Jazz, but ok, good. See, you turn what’s seemingly nothing into our own little inside joke.” 

“Huh. Neat. Next time I see the sun reflect off of buildings, I’ll try to imagine them as mirrors, ok?” 

“Let me know if you can.” 

“I promise.” 

“You know, we’ve been walking down memory lane all night. We have such a past, and now we’re about to write our future.” 

“I know, I’m so excited Sandy, this has been easily my best day ever.” 

“Mine too.” 

“I love you so much. Are you ready to go?” 

“Yeah, I love you too, let’s go.” They walk a little bit through the park when they’re stopped by a masked stranger. 

“Give me all of your money, now. Your jewelry too.” He says. 

“My jewelry is fake, it’s not worth much, do you still want it?” Sandra says. 

“Yeah, I do.” She takes off her earrings and bracelet and hands it to the robber. Charlie hands over his wallet. “Your wallet too, sweetheart.” Sandra opens up her purse and the robber grabs it, and shoots Charlie in the leg. He goes through her purse while Sandra is attending to Charlie. The robber takes what he wants, and shoots Sandra once in the chest, once in the shoulder. He shoots Charlie in the stomach once, chest once, and head once. He runs away. 

“Please don’t die on me.”  

“Best day of my life.” Charlie says, then dies. 

“Oh my God! NO! It’s not fair! It’s just not fair!” She screams as she pounds on Charlie’s dead body with her good fist right before she passes out from her injuries. 

May 23, 2017 

Dear Diary: 

I asked the nurse for a few sheets of paper and a pen. I’m just going to write this before I don’t feel like it anymore. So, last night’s date was wonderful. So wonderful, and then in an instant, it ended. Charlie’s dead, and it’s all my fault. I should have known, I did know and I did it anyway. The curse is still alive and well in me and now I’ve lost my oldest, best friend because I was stupid and followed my heart. I wish I was dead with him. Maybe I’ll just infect my wounds, get sepsis, I’ve got a couple of days. I can’t live without him, moving away is one thing, but this is permanent. I’ll never see him again, and again, it’s all my fault. I don’t know how I’m going to face his family, the only reason we were ever friends in the first place is because our parents were friends and I took their only son from them, I feel like such a piece of s**t. I don’t know who called 911, but they should have just left me there to die, I don’t know how I’m ever going to live with myself. I need a drink now more than ever. Maybe I’ll get lucky and get alcohol poisoning and die. The morphine is  

Sandra wakes up the next day in the middle of the afternoon with her family next to her. “Hey guys.” 

“Are you ok, mija?” Sonya asks. 

“I think so.” 

“That’s good, I was so worried when I heard you got shot. My baby got shot.” 

“Well, the important thing is she survived.” Maxx says. 

“Charlie’s dead.” Sandra says, as she starts crying. 

“It’s not your fault, honey.” 

“Yes it is! If he hadn’t gone on a date with me, we wouldn’t have gotten shot!” 

“You couldn’t have known you were going to get robbed.” 

“I’m cursed.” 

“Not this again. Look, I admit that your last three boyfriends dying is a freaky coincidence, but that’s all it is, you’re not cursed.” 

“Then why did I lose two of the most important men in my life? I was going to marry Tad, and Charlie-” She starts crying again. 

“I know it’s hard for you now, but I promise you will be able to love again, Charlie would want you to.” 

“I was finally allowed to love him and now he’s gone forever.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“How long am in here for?” 

“They said you could leave tomorrow.” 

“Oh thank God.” 

“How do you feel?” 

“My physical wounds hurt, but my emotional wounds hurt worse.” 

“They say time heals all wounds, but we’re still left with the scars. You can either accept that they’ll always be a part of you and move on, or obsess over them and let them destroy you.” 

“Thanks, daddy.” 

“No problem, honey.” A few hours later, after Sandra’s family leaves, Francine and Samuel come and visit. 

“Hey! Didn’t expect to see you!” Sandra says happily as Francine walks in. 

“How are you doing?” She asks. 

“I wish I was dead.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I get that. If it makes you feel any better, I’m glad you’re not.” 

“Thanks, I guess. It’s just not fair.” Sandra says as she starts crying again. 

“No, no, I’ll have none of that. Here.” She hands her a cookie. 

“A cookie?” 

“Yeah, figured you can’t smoke in here, so it’s a better alternative.” 

“You’re the f*****g best.” 

“Here’s some more for later.” She hands her a bag. 

“I love you, buddy” 

“Haha, I know. You’re going through a hell of alot of s**t, and I wanna help any way I can. This is all I could think up last minute. 

“Pretty good for last minute.” she says with a mouth full of cookie. 

“So what happened?” 

“We went on a date, got held up on the way home and some guy shot us and killed Charlie.” 

“My god, that sucks.” 

“Yeah, and I wish it was me instead.” 

“Stop saying that, you can’t change what happened, deal with it!” 

“That’s f*****g easy for you to say, you didn’t have three boyfriends die in front of you!” 

“I’m sorry, but talking like that isn’t helping, there’s nothing you can do.” 

“I can kill myself, or let myself die.” 

“Don’t make me 302 your a*s.” 

“Alright, fine. I don’t want to spend the night in the loony bin. But you have to understand, I’m completely and utterly destroyed.” 

“I get that, but it’s not like you have nothing to live for.” 

“I don’t, the love of my life is gone forever.” 

“There’s lots of things to live for.” 

“Yeah? Like what?” 

“Well, you told me you’re going to be an aunt soon.” 

“Aren’t you excited about that?” 

“Yeah, but maybe the kid will be better off not knowing me, since people I love die.” 

“Stop it, seriously. You’re going to be a godmother too.” 

“What?” 

“I’m pregnant too.” 

“Oh, gee, that’s great, I’m so f*****g happy for you!” She yells as she starts crying. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure how’d you take it, I was hoping you’d find it comforting.” 

“Sorry, I’m happy for you, I really am, it’s just- it's just not fair.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d-” 

“It’s fine, really.” 

“We’re um, we’re going to head home, if you wanna come visit when you get released tomorrow, lemme know.” 

“Whatever.” 

“Bye, Sandy. Hope you get better soon.” 

“Yeah, later Francine.” 

May 23, 2017 

really good, apparently. Sorry about that, I passed out writing that. So, my family and Francine visited me today, though Francine showed up after my family left. My dad helped me feel a little better, but now I have to begin the grieving process all over again, and I don’t know if I can do it. I literally just got over Tad, and now I have to get over Charlie. This isn’t fair, it really isn’t. I wish I had f*****g died right there with him, then we could stay together. No, instead I’m made to suffer the rest of my life without him. Francine is pregnant now, so that’s great I guess. I don’t see how it’s fair though that everyone else can fall in love and have kids when I can’t even find a good guy to hold on to. It kills me because ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always wanted to get married and have kids. I’m going to be thirty this year, and I still don’t have a family of my own, it sucks. It seriously f*****g sucks. Whatever, I’ll have another cookie and go to sleep, it’s depressing to just be awake. I don’t know if I’m going to keep anymore diaries, it’s depressing reading some of my old entries. I go through so much time when I’m happy and then disaster strikes. It’s like, I’m not meant to be happy, that I’m just gonna be alone forever. That’s why I don’t care if I die, cause then I won’t have to suffer through life anymore and I can be with the ones I lost. Well, I’m running out paper, so I guess I’ll finish up and go to bed, I leave in the morning. Whatever. 

The next day, Sandra is gathering her stuff and is leaving the hospital. As she’s walking by the rooms, she peeks in at them just out of curiosity. She does a double take at one of the rooms and walks in. In two hospital beds lie Samson Alpha and Sydd Xero. She notices their heads are bandaged and Sydd has a couple of extra bandages on his body. “Hello? Are either of you awake?” No response from either. She leaves the room and goes to the nurse’s station. “Excuse me?” 

“Yes?” The nurse asks. 

“Room 18, Xero and Alpha, what happened to them?” 

“I’m sorry, I can’t release that information.” 

“But I’m a close friend of theirs, if I’m going to visit them, I want to know why they’re here.” 

“If you’re such a close friend, how do you not know what happened to them?” 

“Because I’ve been here the past two days. I literally saw Sydd the same day I ended up here, and Samson was fine, in a manner of speaking, when I talked to him last month.”   

“They were shot.” 

“Shot?” 

“Xero was shot in the chest and head, Alpha was a self inflicted gunshot to the head.” 

“Oh my god.” 

“Yeah, they’re both in a coma, so if you plan on visiting, plan on visiting for awhile.” 

“How long have they been here?” 

“They came in... two days ago. Xero at around 5:45 pm, and Alpha at 11:13 p.m.” 

“I got here around 9 that night.” 

“Wow, you must have awful luck for you all three of you to get shot on the same day.” 

“It’s my fault.” 

“What?” 

“Not... not directly, but it’s my fault Samson is here. He reached out to me and I ignored him.” 

“Listen, lady, just go home. You’ve been through enough. I’m going to pretend we never had this conversation. Get some rest, and come visit your friends when you’re up to it.” 

“Fine.” She leaves the hospital and heads straight to Francine and Sam’s. “Hey guys.” 

“How are you feeling?” Francine asks. 

“Worse.” 

“What? Why?” 

“Samson’s in the hospital.” 

“What happened?” 

“He tried killing himself.” 

“What does that have to do with you?” 

“Because I used to talk to him a lot, but he became a little much for me to handle, so I stopped returning his phone calls. I guess he didn’t have anyone else and thought I stopped caring. My god, I’m an awful person. I ignored him and he almost ended up dead. I’m such a piece of s**t.” 

“I’m pretty sure you’re not what drove him to sucide.” 

“Yeah, I am. If I didn’t ignore him, he wouldn’t be in a coma right now.” 

“I’m sure he had other problems which are what really drove him to try to end it, you just kinda didn’t help by ignoring him.” She notices Sandra’s face. “I’ll- I’ll stop talking now.”  

“This was a bad idea, I’m going to bed.” 

“Not without going on a trip you won’t.” 

“Trip? I don’t know, I’m not in a good state of mind, I might see something scary or something.” 

“Well, I’m not going to pressure you, I just thought it might give you a chance to relax. Would it help if we smoked first?” 

“It might.” They smoke a blunt together and Sandra takes her tab. She lies down flat on her back on the carpet and stares at the ceiling. It kicks in and she hears a voice. 

“Hey babe.” the voice says. 

“Oh no, I can’t deal with this now. Why are you visiting me again, Steve?” 

“Thought you’d have figured that out by now, you need me.” 

“No, no, no, no. If you’re here, then that means you’re not alone.” 

“Well, what do you expect? It’s the only thing on your mind.” 

“I knew this was a bad idea.” 

“I-I don’t know what I can say that I haven’t already, I was hoping this wouldn’t have happened again.” 

“Yeah, well it did.” 

“Do you want to talk to them?” 

“No, I can’t handle it.” 

“You know he loved you. They both did.” 

“I wish I was dead.” 

“That won’t solve anything.” 

“At least I’ll be with them.” 

“It doesn’t work like that.”  

“It’s torture living without them.” 

“And you’d be torturing the people who love you by having them live without you.” 

“Nobody would care.” 

“Alright, you’re obviously depressed and irrational. Where’s death? I wanna talk to her, tell her to take me.” 

“She won’t come for you.” 

“Why not? What if I-” She gets up and goes to the kitchen and picks up a knife and presses it to her arm, slowly cutting herself. The knife falls out of her hand and she goes to pick it up, notices it’s gone. She stands back up and sees Francine holding the knife. “Give it back.” 

“No.” Francine says. 

“Please, give it to me so I can die.” 

“No, I knocked it out of your hand for a reason. You’re not killing yourself if I have anything to say about it.” 

“It’s not your choice, it’s mine.” 

“No, you’re making the choice for everyone else.” 

“How?” 

“Because if you kill yourself, you’re making the decision that nobody needs or wants you anymore, which is totally wrong.” 

“Oh, so, what? I have to suffer to make everyone else happy? That’s pretty f*****g selfish if you ask me.” 

“And killing yourself isn’t?” 

“No, it’s not. I’m in pain, I’ve had three boyfriends die in front of me, I’ll never get over them. If I was braindead, it’d be ok to kill me. The only difference is I’m not, so I get to feel all my pain. The only way to end this pain is to kill me. Just f*****g kill me!” 

“NO! I’m about three seconds away from 302ing your a*s. Is that what you want?” No answer. “Well?” She takes out her cell phone. 

“No.” 

“Are you going to be ok to go home?” 

“Yeah, I’m starting to come down, thanks.” 

“I’ll be here whenever you need me.” 

“What am I going to do?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“My life just keeps getting ruined.” 

“It’s not ruined, it’s just...rough.” 

“I hate it. I hate my life, I hate my luck, I hate how everything good is always taken from me. I feel like my day will never come.” 

“And if it doesn’t, don’t let it ruin your life. Find something else to live for. We don’t always get what we want, that’s life. Ending it just cause it’s not going your way is the wrong thing to do. It’s like quitting the race before it’s over cause you’re convinced you’re going to lose. You never know how it’ll actually end and if you quit before that, you’ll never know what could have been.” 

“And if nothing happens anyway?” 

“At least you lived your life, even if it wasn’t everything you wanted, at least you had good people in your life who cared about you.” 

“I’m not sure that’ll be enough.” 

“You’ll see I’m right. Now head home, rest up, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”  

May 3, 2008 

Dear Diary: 

F**k Jack, he’s a f*****g piece of s**t and I hope he f*****g dies. He should f*****g kill himself for what he did to me last night. Ok, first of all, he was a cheap b*****d and complained about what he offered to do, which was treat me to whatever I wanted. We fought for like, half of it, even while we were bowling, just because I beat him. What an a*****e. We were supposed to go to the movies after dinner, but the cheap b*****d said movies at his house, so I figured I’d just go to sleep, go home tomorrow and tell him I’m not going to go back out with him. I didn’t feel too good on our way home so I guessed it was ok that we weren’t going to the theater. I passed out in his bed as soon as we got there, we took a cab since I felt like crap, I remember I paid for it, I think I over tipped, cause I’m missing more out of my wallet than I thought. And then, I woke up in the middle of the night with Jack inside me, just going at it. I told him to stop, and he said he deserved it because he was good all day. I tried to pull away, but then he put his hand on my throat and held me down. He told me I’m going to take him in and back because I love him and I’m nothing without him. He said I was so desperate that it didn’t matter how he treated me because I just wanted to be with somebody, anybody. When he finished, he told me that he’s glad we’re back together. I told him he was crazy and that I was going to call the cops and take him down for rape. He just laughed and told me no I won’t because he’ll just have some guy he knows kill me and get rid of my body. Isn’t that nice? He says I have no choice but to go back out with him and that he can use me for sex whenever he wants and if not, I’m dead. I don’t know what to do, do I tell anyone? Know what? Maybe I should just forget this ever existed and just get rid of this entry completely and it’ll be like it never happened. I’ll pretend it never happened, not even to him, and I’ll just act like everything’s fine. We’ll just act like normal boyfriend and girlfriend, and last night never happened, it was just a dream. A really bad dream. I’ll tear these pages out and poof, no more story. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. If I get the opportunity though, I’ll use this against him, so I should probably stick this in a folder or something so I don’t lose them, but they’re not constantly around to remind me. I’m sure I’ll find a good spot for them, and maybe I won’t need the folder for a long time, which reminds me, I should get a new diary soon, especially since I need the last page for my rewrite of yesterday.