Out of control (poem)

Okay... this is an attempt at spoken word poetry, hope it's good!

No one's perfect

But this young man, didn't understand that

He was desperate for love and friendship

and wanted to be wanted by others

up to the point where he changed his personality

clothes and made himself into something

he wasn't even comfortable being, just for the sake of others

Everywhere he went, he looked around consciously at himself

to make sure he didn't look like a fool in front of others

and used a mirror every five minutes to check his hair

After talking to others, he replayed every word he said in his head

to make sure he didn't mess up or accidentally hurt someones feelings 

and this is what tore him apart

all these thoughts and feelings... he just couldn't handle them anymore

it got out of his control and out of his reach, and made him weaker and weaker

being perfect was harder than he had ever thought

because, no one is perfect

tears shed down his ballistic eyes, but no one cared to notice

his heavy heart shattered into thousands of pieces

at this point, he didn't even care what people thought about him

he just wanted to disappear, and that was his last and final wish

Reviews

[matrixmark]

You have written this really well. Trying to fit in for many is a difficult thing to do and they become a person who they are not. I personally am more aware nowadays of when someone is lacking Self esteem and approach them in a friendly manner. It's important to treat others as you would want to be treated, otherwise peoples cries for help go unnoticed and they suffer in a lonely silence. You have written this piece with powerful words pieced together.

I would say its a great poem, or good poem. I think the words are 'hard hitting and though provoking'

You conveyed the message perfectly though.

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

I agree with you Mark, it's important to treat other the way we want to be treated and to find help at the right time before the anxiety and silence spreads.
Thank you so much Mark! I really appreciate it :)))

[Zephyr]

You portrayed so well the feelings of a person lacking self-love. If we love ourselves, then this brute idea of perfectionism will vanish. Your poem conveyed the emotions thoroughly.
Great poem!

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Neetha!

[CAPOLAVORO]

Wow.. I can feel the power of emtion on this poem. Such nice to use in talking rather than just reading..

Sincerely,
CAPOLAVORO

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Capolavoro!! :)

[Hiru]

this is very nice !! very relatable.. I really loved it..

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Hiru!! :)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

beautiful....it was simply amazing.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Wajiha! :))

[heartspeaks]

Woah.....this was like poetry in motion....nice topic...very relatable...We often try to fit in as a peice of puzzle and end up losing our uniqueness.. Kudos.... Well done....

[Mr.Writer]

Thanks so much Heart! :))

[Joanna Matilda Barlow]

I really stop and think that i can see the relation to this. There are moments where i seem to experience that very feeling. I don't usually speak about it because not many people happen to understand how it is with me. But this is one that i can relate to. Sincerely.

[Mr.Writer]

I'm rlly glad you could relate again Joanna thank you for reading! :)

[Bear]

I think most people experience a point in their live where they have thoughts and feelings like these. This is another good writing exercise as it lets you relate to the common man. Many writers lose their grasp on what is truly real and how to relate with the common man on realistic terms, we live in our made up worlds of make believe. Every now and then we need grounded so we never lose touch, this offers thoughts and emotions in a realistic way. No need to embellish or over dramatize to deliver your intent Bravo! my friend Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! and a bonus Clap! for shining a light on a dark subject in a classy way :~)

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Bear!
I really appreciate it :)

[Najam Us Saher]

This poem is based on facts how a person always tries to impress others, his entire life he strives hard to be better without realising that no one is perfect. This is truly a very effective poem which opens the eyes, makes the person feel and agree with your emotions.

[Mr.Writer]

Yeah, exactly Najam!
Thank you so much

[Najam Us Saher]

You're most welcome. ☺

[AcasualPawn]

That sounds like a real sucker....
Who cares what caring people thought........



he didn't even care what people thought about him...


Youth, afraid of losing society..

Nice read

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much SSR