Out of control (poem)

Out of control (poem)

A Poem by Mr.Writer
"

Okay... this is an attempt at spoken word poetry, hope it's good!

"
No one's perfect
But this young man, didn't understand that
He was desperate for love and friendship
and wanted to be wanted by others
up to the point where he changed his personality
clothes and made himself into something
he wasn't even comfortable being, just for the sake of others
Everywhere he went, he looked around consciously at himself
to make sure he didn't look like a fool in front of others
and used a mirror every five minutes to check his hair
After talking to others, he replayed every word he said in his head
to make sure he didn't mess up or accidentally hurt someones feelings 
and this is what tore him apart
all these thoughts and feelings... he just couldn't handle them anymore
it got out of his control and out of his reach, and made him weaker and weaker
being perfect was harder than he had ever thought
because, no one is perfect
tears shed down his ballistic eyes, but no one cared to notice
his heavy heart shattered into thousands of pieces
at this point, he didn't even care what people thought about him
he just wanted to disappear, and that was his last and final wish

© 2017 Mr.Writer


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An actual situation portrayed. And it's relatable.
I really loved it.


Posted 6 Years Ago


Mr.Writer

6 Years Ago

Thank you Priyanshi!!
Priyanshi

6 Years Ago

my pleasure
So very relatable. You're a real acute observer. Very well laid out. Thank you for sharing!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Mr.Writer

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much zoe and no problem :))
Zoya

6 Years Ago

My pleasure!
"up to the point where he changed his personality
clothes and made himself into something
he wasn't even comfortable being, just for the sake of others"

- This part right here hit me the hardest, 'cause it's something I've done, and still do, up to this date. Trying to please others is nearly impossible, yet we still try. The line here speaks volumes to that.

This poem is very strong and powerful in showing raw emotion, it really hits me and speaks to me in my current situation in life. It's a sad place to be, wanting to be perfect while knowing it's impossible because no one is perfect.
Great work. Very moving.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Mr.Writer

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much Sinbul! Yeah! I've tried my best to relate to many others who've also experienced .. read more
Sinbulvinter

6 Years Ago

You're welcome. And yeah, it's not a fun thing to relate to or experience, but you portray those em.. read more
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Sky
I've no right to make correction but that has never stopped me. I think you presentation and treatment of this is gentle but honest and very clearly put. However, there is a challenge here: to make a story we've heard a thousand times into one worth hearing again; one that is more than a statistic. I would certainly listen to you tell it.

After reading it out loud several times in a number of ways (take my unqualified advice with a grain of salt), I think it is improved by removing all phrases with the word others: "by others", " just for the sake of others", "in front of others", as well as the last line.

The phrase "ballistic eyes" is super sweet.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Mr.Writer

6 Years Ago

I really appreciate the advice given Sky!
Thank you so much :))

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Added on August 19, 2017
Last Updated on August 21, 2017

Author

Mr.Writer
Mr.Writer

Toronto, Ontario, Canada



About
First of all... I love to write! It has always been my passion to write since... last year! :D I can easily pour my emotions in writing without telling them to anyone. I love to review people's work.. more..

Writing

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