Wreckage #9

"I only see what was- and everything was broken then"

I know you tried to tell me
I saw and understood that way
you looked
as you walked through the door
the light had left the room
leaving us alone
with the sun only just a touch away
your tired eyes
gave me up
the old excuses then
I remember the silence
between us
growing old
and dying before it's time
knowing you couldn't play pretend
In all those cold empty places
that were home
but back then
to you
everything was a beautiful wreckage
and forever was so never far away
I knew the answer
as clear as the pain
always waking with notion
within my mind
begging for release
from all my dreams holding you back
down deep inside
in the empty house two doors down
from that heart you never saw
from a soul you never found
the wreckage never looked
so beautiful
as it did back then
it never seemed to end

Reviews

[deeps]

This is really amazing, I liked this one alot

[CarmenT]

It's really good! A better poem than I could have written!

[Alexander Loux]

Very touchign and moving. The emotion you put into this is beautiful and it helps me feel waht you're feeling and remidns me of times i've felt that way. keep writing!

[SOUL LESS]

It's too prosaic. The emotions are portrayed fine...but try more force. You have potential.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

I'm not a poet so I can only comment on how it is to me.

It carries a lot of emotions with strong images and a good clear story throughout. The back and forth between the images, thoughts and intent was nicely done. =)

[Brian W. Hastings]

Your words are powerful and your pace is great. It doesn't read too slow or too fast. It keeps the reader enthralled in the moment.