Grave December

sleep comes like a mangler machine from my dreams
it exhumes all which I have fought to withhold
a strangled swallow weeps in memory
which I have all but forgotten
tearing my heart asunder
I trudge ever onward through the monotone screen
the world a watcher
and me just a murderer on t.v.
nothing of this cell is left to see
chrome and dust
trail of the nightmares pass
echoes of thunder
across a field of marching ants
in December
a glimmer died from the faded imagination
of my coffined soul
until I too became the winter snow
and my soul the rose

Reviews

[Esoteric Strand]

Why did you choose to center the piece in this manner?

That first line is confusing. It sounds like you’re saying sleep is coming from your dreams. Dreams originate within the sleeper. Unless we’re talking about staring out the window, deep in a reverie, like a daydream or something. I don’t think that is the case here. I know, it’s a chicken-egg argument, but it’s a muddled way to kick off a poem.

‘a strangled swallow weeps in memory’
That line is also very confusing and is a good example of Amphiboly.

Overall, I think the piece is NOT unreadable, creatively strained and overwrought.

Regards,

E

[cfix]

Wow this is really Good, I really enjoyed this write.

[Alexander Loux]

very interesting. Your word usuage is beautiful and this leaves me confused. In my writing class we would take other's works and analyze them and look for what each symbol means. This wants me to take this there to show them and see what we can disvover in the hidden mysteries of yoru words. well done!