Wooden Soldier

written in 2006

“Wooden Soldier”

 

somewhere out there far beyond

the ridge of comprehension

there stands a lost and lonely soul

waiting for his redemption…

 

looking upward toward the skies,

a grey and blackened hue

he tries to understand the whys

of mankind’s somber view…

 

shedding layers of hardened skins

he only stands one chance to see

he tries to find the child within

the shades of mediocrity…

 

he fathoms not the world he’s found

nor the turmoil he’s besieged

he sees desperation all around

and wants all to know his honor grieves…

 

the wooden soldier he’s become

forgets how this all started

he fears becoming comfortably numb

for the loved ones from which he’s been parted…

 

the softened child that he once knew

a hardened shell now wears

and tries to lose the shades of blue

in the guilt that he now bares…

 

the desperation in his eyes

tells me he was much to young

to see the atrocities he has seen

so many songs still left unsung…

 

the wooden soldiers crumble and fall

and their ashes left, dust to dust

I only wish them one and all

to be back on the soil in which they trust…

 

to all who've had a soldier lost

there is not much I can say

but that many before had to bear the same cost

For the freedoms that  we have today…

 

written by bj Smith

aka shallimarRose

© 2006

Author's Note

critique welcome. thank you for stopping to read. shallimarRose

Reviews

[Keith]

Each day I RR my way through lots of free form, and light up when find a piece with nice ryheme & meter. Only occasionally do a find a piece of this quality, this is just beautiful poetry. You have described the plight of the sad soldier with his youth stolen, now hard on the outside but soft and sad in the middle, I know plenty of those and your description is accurate. BR has written a few pieces on ex soldiers, I hope he rr's this one.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Keith. I am so pleased you enjoy rhyme.. it took me years to break away from rhyme and be able to free verse but rhyme is still my favorite .. I do not know who BR is but I hope so too. thank you.. shallimar

[ron]

Is this about Viet Nam at the beginning? Very touching, and yes it is a great tribute to those That have fallen and still are alive.

[shallimarRose]

Well Vietnam yes , but also some of the soldiers more current went through something similar..It's meant as a tribute to all who serve/served and those who gave all... thank you Ron.. xo Rose

[ron]

You did this perfectly rose. Thank youfor writing this one.

[shallimarRose]

your welcome.. Hope you are feeling ok this morning.. Rose

[ron]

About as well as I normaly do. Thank you for your concern Rose.

[shallimarRose]

Not concerned hun, I know you are ok..... just being a friend.. huggs!

[ron]

Thank you dear friend..huggs.

[Sheila Kline]

I too appreciate the poems written of our military! This is beautiful and so fitting are the words for those who defend us in the face of terrible obstacles!! God bless them all!!!
A lovely write that is so appreciated by this reader!

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Sheila for your kind words.. shallimar

[Chet]

This is very well done. I can hear the voice of Walter Cronkite reading it. I don't do rhyming very often as its hard to do it well. You have clearly succeeded.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you chet.. I was rhyming before I was talking pretty much so it comes naturally to me..
read moreThank you chet.. I was rhyming before I was talking pretty much so it comes naturally to me..
For me I work very hard to write free verse.. lol thank you for reading.. shallimar

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This was a moving piece. I am not normally a "rhyme girl", but this one was truly well written. The tempo was good, the flow as nice, and the rhyme was on a different level (not the usually "cat, bat" stuff that you typically come across). Concept wise, brilliant...absolutely so. So much emotion when into this one; so many different levels of honesty and introspection in all of the human descriptions. Fantastic.

One suggestion:
he fears becoming comfortably numb
for the loved ones to which he’s been parted… (I would suggest "from which he's been parted")

[shallimarRose]

Thank you so much Sarah... duly noted.. I will make that change.. thank you. shallimar

[Rita L. Sev]

This is a beautiful piece. Great flow and rhythm, and your wording is excellent.

shedding layers of hardened skins
he only stands one chance to see
he tries to find the child within
the shades of mediocrity

My favorite stanza - we owe so much to our soldiers, for all that they sacrifice.
Well penned!

[shallimarRose]

Thank you for reading and commenting Rita.. Yes we owe them .. I am glad you liked this.. I hope you will read more.. xo shallimar

[J. J. Nightingale]

We that have been writing for years
Understand the words and forms that flow...
This is special, sends a message
Well done !

Jazz

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Jazz.. ♥ Rose

[Ellie J]

I'm sure the "..." at the end of each stanza is needed- it may in fact even be a bit of a hindrance. You have strong lines that, when combined, create a very emotional message. The "..." makes me feel like the piece is losing its confidence.

[shallimarRose]

hmmm... I have been writing for over forty years and the ".... " is just part of my writing style. I have had pieces published and never had anyone mention that to me before. I am not sure why it would give you the feeling of lost confidence but thank you for your input.. xo shallimarRose

[sharonlee]

Emotive and potent Shallimar. I recall reading this and remember how much it moved me.

[shallimarRose]

Yes you have read most of my older poems back in the Myspace days.. I do post a lot of new stuff here too but hesitate to send out rr... I just dont have a lot of time.. Luv ya, shallimar

[Coyote Poetry]

"the wooden soldier he’s become
forgets how this all started
he fears becoming comfortably numb
for the loved ones to which he’s been parted…"
I agree with the thoughts and the description in the poem. I was a Soldier for 15 years. I saw many break down. Some men and women are make of brick and some can falter like weak wood. Last lines are fact. We need to show concern for the people who feel the pain of war. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Coyote, The sad thing is many of the ones that seem like brick break down later from PTSD.. Thank you for reading and for your service as a soldier.. xo Rose