Fairy-tales Broken

 

 

Love bestowed a gentle kiss

Wrapped in warmth of lovers bliss

Through the threshold of his charm

There came a wave of dis-alarm

 

Where bargains made of blackened chips

And aces wake to inward whips

Of licorice stems on chocolate roses

The should have beens

And I supposes

 

There fairy castles made of wine

Have inner rooms where royalty dine

Upon the carcass in the sand

Of dragons slain in fairyland

 

And carriages built of paper cards

Are drawn by memories disregard

Who carry to the very end

And lose the yearning to descend

 

The happily and for ever after

Lost its way in violent laughter

Born of boisterous lofty lies

That hid behind the silent cries

 

Of broken dreams and fallen princes

Fairy-tales with solemn glimpses

Become the saddened ended story

Forever lost its lofty glory

 

And shudders close on inward dreams

Of mountains built near chocolate streams

Where fairy elves are found near death

The songs of silence, left bereft

 

written by bj smith

aka shallimarRose 

Author's Note

feel free to comment/critique

Reviews

[Jack...]

It takes a lot of work and imagination for it to be "Happily ever after". But, in my mind, I truly do believe it can be done. Fairy Tales aren't always a just some made up story or poem if your heart feels that special world unfold within it. Castles in the sky with chocolate streams...that is love my friend and you have painted it so beautifully in this poem. Rose, you always impress me. Loved it.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Jack...a four line review from you? woo hoo... smles

[David Lewis Paget]

Whatever it's about, (probably the loss of the innocence of childhood), it's very evocative, and gains power as it progresses. As it's an AABB scheme, some of the rhyme is rather too obvious. e.g. kiss/bliss, and I'm not too sure whether I like 'dis-alarm'. Also, I think 'should-have-beens' should be hyphenated, and in the next verse 'royals' rather than 'royalty' - (which destroys the metre). In the last line of V.4 should that be 'lose' rather than 'loose'? Finally, a comma in that final line to give a slight dramatic pause - 'The songs of silence, left bereft.'

[shallimarRose]

Thank you David... I appreciate your constructive criticism always David..... I can see your view but I cannot change this one as it is already published in the book "Pride in Poetry" shallimarRose

[David Lewis Paget]

Hi Rose, I appreciate that. However, it's significant that Wordsworth spent the last twenty years of his life re-editing a lot of his poetry, most of which had been previously published. We should never resile from perfection.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Many people think that love is all rainbows, but they forget that you need rain to make a rainbow... as kids we are taught happily ever after but we never learn the after happily ever after. Love is work if you want it to last.

[shallimarRose]

So true thanks for the read & review... xo Rose

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Welcome lovely lady.

[Anna]

To me "The happily and for ever after
Lost its way in violent laughter
Born of boisterous lofty lies
That hid behind the silent cries"
This sums up the entire poem. I love the darkness behind a fairytale. I wrote something similar to capture the thought of deception. Almost as if, the more perfect a land looks the more darkness it holds behind closed doors. Tends to be a trend in people as well. Very good poem

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Anna for reading and for the nice comments.. xo shallimar

[Coyote Poetry]

This is a amazing poem. So many statements stood out. I like your logic and description in the poem.
"Born of boisterous lofty lies
That hid behind the silent cries"
Words can become meaningless with time. Sort of sad when wishes and fairy tales become real fiction in our life. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Coyote.. I love sharing with those who appreciate.. xo Rose

[Ian Faraway]

I envy how you write poetry, Rose. The combination of these words that create such a complicated but detailed image is just unparallelled from any I've seen thus far. I hope that one day I will be able use words in a natural flow as you do. J'adore! -Ian

[shallimarRose]

A very nice review Ian.. You humble me.. I have been writing a very long time.. and still growing I think.. xo Rose

[Keith]

Who cares what it is about, it is just a beautiful poem with a superb rythm and flow. I love the story, fractures in every fairytale. Hell, that's a bit closer to real life.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Keith... I like to see how other interpret it.. Glad you came to read my friend.. xo

[RainDancer1997]

This was very enjoyable:)! You took the fantasy land love story idea about love always lasting and kinda put it into reality I guess is what im trying to say. Loved it!:)

[shallimarRose]

Thanks Rainy... Yes...That is a major part of it.. It also is speaking of glutiny and addiction and those ((rich and famous)) who perhaps have used others as rungs on the ladder to success without regard ... Im glad you enjoyed.. xo shallimarRose

[Rita L. Sev]

Outstanding imagery and wonderful flow to this piece.

The happily and for ever after
Lost its way in violent laughter
Born of boisterous lofty lies
That hid behind the silent cries

Love that doesn't live up to the hype - a relationship that looked like gold, all shine, but no substance. Or rather, the substance was not so pretty. Violence, or addiction, or anger - something that took the shine away...

Some thoughts your piece conjured for me. This was a good read.

[shallimarRose]

Strong images it brought forth for you makes me happy..... All the thoughts on this piece have been correct in a way.. It's very complicated dealing with al ot of different aspects I feel from one particular place but it could be anywhere I guess. Thanks for reading hun..

[Sam]

Amazing.... I love the topic you choose and the stead flow of each line. You have a way with words I can't describe but it is pure magic if you ask me. I am glad to know this one was published but it belongs forever bound in a book and free to invade the minds of all who read it. Impressive I have no complaints.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you so much for reading and Sam for such a nice review.. shallimarRose

[Sam]

Anytime just showing love from one poet to another.