Kid's Love

This poem is about a little guy proposing to a girl and stammering when he is asked about the definition of love, read fully to know how he manages it...

              



Boy:
Hey love, Take this lovely red rose,
Plucked from the garden, I carefully chose,
Whose petals so soft!
With rose in a hand and with other his cap he doffed.

Girl:
I’ll take your lovely rose,
And next to me you can sit so close,
Only if you tell me what is love?
If you say it clear, I’ll do the ones I said above.

Boy:
Love is like honey to the bee,

love is like salt and the sea,
Err…Give me one-day time, I can think and say,

Else you may go and i wont come your way.

Girl:
Love is simple, yet so tough!
You needn’t think more and this is enough,
I love you for your simple smile,
Come lets join hands and walk for a while.

Boy:
Never did I think I’d clear so fast,
I thought answer should be deep and vast,
Happy that you love me too,
This moment, is a truth or dream, I’ve no clue!


Girl:
Pinch yourself and you’ll know what it is,
Or just keep wondering and your guitar class you'll miss,
Lets get a candy and bite into two,
Half for me and other half for you!

Boy:
You are my little princess from now on,
I’ll wake up thinking of you, at dawn!
You made me happy and I love you so much,
Softer than this rose is your tender touch.


Big Brother/Sister!

Mar 21, 2010

• For the Kiddos
• Kid's Love

3rd Place

Jul 5, 2010

• Writing for Children
• Kid's Love

Reviews

[Ian]

This poem is good i felt like i was watching a play with just the boy and the girl having this little love scene. It was reall nice keep up th e good work.

[Lynn B Glover]

I love the poem, its structure, with beautiful rhyming verses and the theme is great.
I once had a magical love like this which I will never forget. The color scheme is a great idea and very nice. Keep up the good work and don't be dismayed by others, you have done a great job here. Your friend Lynn

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Writer,

This poem didn't appeal to me, as most love poems don't really do. It just seems kind of creepy, two children in a romantic relationship. I mean, it can be cute and I understand that they probably represent metaphors of something else, but children have no general business touching or kissing each other. xD

Now, the poem is unique, but I would remove the colors. The Bold text for "Boy" and for "Girl:" highly emphasizes it enough, and the colors throw off the flow a bit. It may help to explain yourself a bit in a author's note. The rhymes feel a little too biased and forced. Try to use an online rhyming dictionary.

I know my review probably didn't help, but I'm tired right now since it's 1:45 AM. Lol. But I hope you found some points to enlighten on. 8.3/10.

A Friend,
S. W. Scaggs