Tear Me Apart

Tear Me Apart

A Poem by ShameemAkhtar

Tear me apart
and glue me together

So what if a few pieces
have gone missing?

So what if a few pieces
have been misplaced?

So what if a few pieces
have been put upside down?

Tear me apart
but glue me together

Turn me into a puzzle
and carve me open

Cut me
Cut me into multiple pieces

Feel free with the sizes
Feel free with the shapes
Feel free with the dimensions

Feel free

To tear me apart.

Tear me with a knife
a dagger

Tear through me with a shotgun
or your hands

Plunge your nails into my bowels
and litter out their secrets

Tear me apart
and enjoy

Enjoy the sight
Enjoy the act

Enjoy

Enjoy the feeling.

Tear me

Tear me with the laser of your eyes
the anger of your face

Lacerate me
leave your marks
leave a scar

Tear me apart

I don't like being transparent.

© 2011 ShameemAkhtar


Author's Note

ShameemAkhtar
Would that unconditional love? Any behaviour is better than being ignored...

For:
The One who tears things apart
Yet keeps everything together

The one who
Cut my heart in thousands of pieces
Because one heart couldn't love her enough...

:)

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Honestly, this:

For:
The One who tears things apart
Yet keeps everything together

The one who
Cut my heart in thousands of pieces
Because one heart couldn't love her enough...

should be part of the poem!

This is really good. The whole idea of breaking things to put them back together again is really good. It reminds me of how sometimes things have to be broken to be fixed... and much more. Here are a few things that I noticed. Mind you, they are just suggestions, no more.

- The "so what" part seems a little disjointed. Experiment with listing them or something, and add more, maybe some that contradict each other! That part of the poem is awesome.

- There are a few words that I think ould be trimmed down that would make the poem flow more. Example: "Tear me apart,/ but glue me back together," you don't need "but". Another: Cut me/ Cut me into pieces. In some places, the repetition is good, but others. Let the words imply and carry though and repeat themselves in the mind of the reader.

- One thing that I thought would fit was "cut me with your tongue." lol. Just a thought... sorry. There are so many things that could "cut a person apart" in a relationship. I knew someone who had to get stitches from their fiance's toe nail! Just saying.

Loved this. Thank you. The carefree, but serious implications of this poem make my heart happy. Love is a dissection table. You can only hope you don't become a Frankenstein in the end.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I enjoyed reading this!! Fantastic job.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Love hurts, eh? To give and not receive in return must be the worst pain of all.

Posted 12 Years Ago


This is a wonderful poem! :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Que
I love this, the imagery and metaphors are great.
I especially loved the part about the puzzle, it really added to the message.
Great job, thanks for asking me to read this.
Cheers and have a great day!

Posted 12 Years Ago


Plunge your nails into my bowels
and litter out their secrets

this was outstanding to me,
this to me spoke of one that
can never satisfy another
when love should always be gentle and kind....

Posted 12 Years Ago


Love shouldn't tear you apart. Should make you stronger. Two is always better then one. The words are strong and to the point.
"Plunge your nails into my bowels
and litter out their secrets

Tear me apart
and enjoy"
Old song. Love and hate. A heartbeat apart. Better to love then destroy. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 12 Years Ago



6
next Next Page
last Last Page
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1297 Views
56 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 10, 2011
Last Updated on September 10, 2011

Author

ShameemAkhtar
ShameemAkhtar

Port Louis, Mauritius



About
Project Manager, Catalyst Business Solutions slave of the modern world and demands of an overwhelming job... more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Character Character

A Story by TJ