amour de péché

amour de péché

A Poem by ShaneBerry
"

this one is my renditiion of what frollo is feeling when he realizes he wants esmerelda lol

"
amour de péché
le feu de désir
l'amour de la haine
le bûcher funéraire de sorcières 
l'incendie dans la ville
l'amour de ce feu
est rempli de ma pitié
je suis juré avec le désir
mon amour pour ce péché
ce désir d'incendie
est brûlé légèrement dans ma peau
translation-
love of sin
the fire of desire
the love of the hatred
the witches pyre 
burning in the city
the love of this fire
is filled with my pity
im cursed with desire
my love for this sin
this burning desire
is singed into my skin

© 2010 ShaneBerry


Author's Note

ShaneBerry
i tryd my best to make it rhyme in french, but i know few words in french lol

My Review

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Featured Review

I like the way it reads in both French and English. Nicely done. I would suggest something different in the last line though. Its meter is off a bit with the rest of it. Perhaps "Scathes my skin" instead or something to that measure. Overall, I like it very much. Kudos.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Dear ShaneBerry,

The Hunchback of Notre Dame is a powerful piece on which to base a poem, and Frollo's lust for Esmerelda is a particularly nice choice. Because you are not a native speaker of French, it is hard to make the French version rhyme. In any case, I wouldn't have had the French version as the first version of the poem, your English version is so nice.

A very nice write!

Very best regards,

Rick

Posted 10 Years Ago


Nicely done, refreshing. But I do believe the translation from
french to english is a little off. This is my understanding in english..

(the desire fire the love of hate to work it funerary
witches the fire in the city the love of this fire is
filled with my pity I am sworn with the desire my
love for this sin this desire of fire is burned lightly in
my skin)...

I could be wrong though, Nice write what
ever the translation is.

Posted 10 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I don't know any french, oh no wait that's not true, I can sing comme des enfants by coeur de pirate in french but that's it, and I hardly know what it's saying. But anyways, back to reviewing, I loved this piece, by far the best of your work I've read, really, it's so powerful. great write! ^_^
-Cathrine

Posted 10 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Well, I don't know much French (when I first read the title I thought it read "Love of Peach"), but the English version was nice. :)
I liked the rhyming, and the emotion. Nicely done.

Posted 10 Years Ago


I like the way you covered both language barriers and it sounds sweeter in french lol nice write

Posted 10 Years Ago


Passion! Even in French it is awesome!

Posted 10 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

That would be a hard trick to rhyme in French. French is such a beautiful, poetic language. The language of love for sure, and you have spelled it out in any language. I wish I knew French, or a French Maid ooh la la.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I quite enjoyed the english rhyme...very vividly done.

Posted 10 Years Ago


le bûcher funéraire de sorcières, i think it's supposed to be funeaire de sorcieres le bucher, but I'm not sure. Regardless, it was good!

Posted 10 Years Ago


seems you know quite a few French words lol
I enjoyed the English rhyme very much .. good write.

Chloe

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on July 3, 2010
Last Updated on July 3, 2010
Tags: French, disney, hunchback, notre, dame, quasimodo, low sunday, fire, gipsie, frolo, phoebies

Author

ShaneBerry
ShaneBerry

denton, TX



About
My Chemical Romance “The Ghost of You” Name: Shane Douglas Berry Age: Born on 8/4/1992 Hair color: Brown Eye color: Green Skin color: White, Freckled Tattoos: Oroborus (red, center.. more..

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A Poem by ShaneBerry



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