Blayders original short Prologue.

Blayders original short Prologue.

A Story by ShaneBerry
"

A new story by me obviously this is completely new and has not been preconceived.

"
War
The long haired warrior lifted his tired head. His sword trembled in his pale hands.
"What are you waiting for boy?" Asked the neatly groomed man who held his Sabre blade calmly. He had a smug look upon his face and chuckled as he looked at the boys tattered clothing.
The empty battlefield was barren and dark. Smoke arose from the east, and explosions sounded off from the west. A gust of gentle and cool wind flew in between the man and the boy, a small army surrounded them.
"You dare to attempt to take my life? Don't you know who i am?" Asked the neatly dressed man, he wore the wardrobe of a high ranking military officer.
"A monster from the northern border. A beast sent to destroy my people." answered the very young boy, his large dao blade lifted into the air slowly.
"Foolish child. You know not, why i have raged this terrible assault?"The man then put his sword into its cover, he walked over to the boy and knelt down on one knee.
"Your people are ignorant to our peoples ways, my army will take your heathens and turn them into humans beings such as myself." Said the man happily as he stood up.
"YA'LL ARE'NT HUMAN! You are all monsters!" Shouted the boy charging at the man, but before his blade could even touch the man he was knocked out by the hilt of the mans blade.
The boy dropped to the ground, he looked at the man who stood like a giant above him.
"Take him to my home." Said the man.
"Sir?" Asked one of his soldiers.
"I will raise him with my son, as if he were my own." The soldiers eyes were widened with disbelief.
"Thats an order second lieutenant!" The man shouted,
"SIR!" Shouted the lieutenant quickly as he picked the boy up.
The man then looked out to the distant battlefield, the blood, the chaos, the raging tanks, and the rolling thunder of grenades being thrown across trenches. 

© 2011 ShaneBerry


Author's Note

ShaneBerry
it is a fantasy time periode, but i am trying to decide names and military rank of the old man.
if this is perceived well, i will make a book about the rest of this journey lol.

the story is now up! http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/shaneberry/583919/

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Reviews

Good start.
Life and Light!
TT-TTO-NI-K
Elk

Posted 10 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

describing the characters more will make the story more beliveable and give the reader something to imagine. you described the surroundings fairly well which some writers forget to do. there is a lot that could be done with this. prehaps cutting stright to the future at what his life has turened out like. or do his growing up. but very good writing.

Posted 10 Years Ago


A very good beginning. I read the first two chapters. This will be a very good story. Thank you.
Coyote

Posted 10 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kinda confused as to what is going on, but you are still in the process of deciding names and so forth, so its understandable. don't be afraid to describe your characters a little more though. reading through, it was kinda hard to imagine what they looked like and i wasn't sure if it was on purpose or not. paint a picture for yours readers so that they feel that they themselves are apart of what's going on, and not just reading print on a piece of paper. This has potential!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Wow. This was CRAZY!

Posted 10 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i like this alot i want to know what he looks like facial features and wat the old man looks like i want to know wat happens next!

Posted 10 Years Ago


this is good, reading your note I see that you are going to continue it which is good.

Posted 10 Years Ago


im usually the wet blanket... so ill sustain the role... but when i get to 'neatly groomed'... its hard to do othewise

Posted 10 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very good. lol I read the extended one first. This is good all on its own.

Posted 10 Years Ago


A lot of details and that's what i like. Very nice. and i agree with cristal it's a lot like legend of the seeker. But I liked it cause i like to read about fantasy things. So nice job. I like it a lot.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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12 Reviews
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Added on July 30, 2010
Last Updated on March 4, 2011
Tags: fight, war, choas, battle, martial arts, ninja, bar fight, shane berry

Author

ShaneBerry
ShaneBerry

denton, TX



About
My Chemical Romance “The Ghost of You” Name: Shane Douglas Berry Age: Born on 8/4/1992 Hair color: Brown Eye color: Green Skin color: White, Freckled Tattoos: Oroborus (red, center.. more..

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