Fight Me

Fight Me

A Poem by ShaneBerry
"

Lets Do This!

"
Fight Me
From across the Lot he glared at my friend,
on a good note i knew this night wouldn't end.
He walks up to her and spins her around,
alcohol on his breath.
I shout,
Waking the misery.
FIGHT ME!
Or leave now.
FIGHT ME!
I wont back down!
FIGHT ME!
For glory!
FIGHT ME!
For honor!
For a piece of my flesh!
STRIKE ME!
To Hurt me!
Lets see if i can bleed!
Back off!
Get away!
TAKE ME!
Lets see!
If your man enough to go toe to toe!
FIGHT ME!
TAKE ME!
Strike me to the cold ground!
or watch me spin you head around!
As i stare at him bleeding on the ground i smile as i feel my eye swelling up from the bruise. I wrap my arm around her and we leave.

© 2010 ShaneBerry


Author's Note

ShaneBerry
a bar fight can be nasty, thank you billy for pissingme off and makein me think of this lol

My Review

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Featured Review

i like it. :D maybe because im just naturally violent but i actually like this peice. no its not the best flow but i dont think it was meant to be a flowy write. it was brutal and yet funny beacause i could actually see this scene. great work here
Strike me to the cold ground!
or watch me spin you head around!


As i stare at him bleeding on the ground i smile as i feel my eye swelling up from the bruise. I wrap my arm around her and we leave.----- dude! loved that part! :D 1000!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

You paint the picture well in this poem. From your language choice, I can see the scenery and many other implied details.

You chose to use a couplet in your first two lines, which is a nice thought and it separates the lines form the rest of the scene well. However, I think it may interrupt the flow of the poem a bit. Since you don't use couplets throughout the rest of the poem, it might be beneficial to change the second line to "I knew this night wouldn't end on a good note" or even "...end well."

In the middle of the poem, you have a call-and-response motif going on and it captures the emotion and passion you want to convey well. There's just one place where it felt like there should be another "FIGHT ME!" to keep the device consistent. The place I'm thinking of is between "For honor!" and "For a piece of my flesh!"

Overall, I think you did a splendid job on this poem. The break away from verse for the last stanza, where you give us the resolution to the story, is wonderful. Well done!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Good job describing how a bar fight would go on, and how a guy would protect his girl from a drunk person.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Good depiction of a bar fight, been witness to many of those being around Marines. Nice write!

Posted 11 Years Ago


great venting, but a large waste of energy that is meant to do honorable things with our lives. The real man walks away unless cornered with no recourse.

Posted 11 Years Ago


For a piece of my flesh!
STRIKE ME!
To Hurt me!
Lets see if i can bleed!

Really loved that piece of writing there.

Thanks for sharing.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Most fights are not necessary. But sometime we have no option. Come to my family. I will fight of course. A very good poem with a very good ending. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

great work, this was very good. and nice inspiration too btw. awesome

Posted 11 Years Ago


nice..great..

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

vibrant vivid rage displayed with profound effect~ the formatting works well to relate the fight/flight struggle of the biter and bitten~ so to speak~ well done~

Posted 11 Years Ago


wooow lol nice

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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33 Reviews
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Added on August 1, 2010
Last Updated on August 1, 2010
Tags: fight, war, choas, battle, martial arts, ninja, bar fight, shane berry

Author

ShaneBerry
ShaneBerry

denton, TX



About
My Chemical Romance “The Ghost of You” Name: Shane Douglas Berry Age: Born on 8/4/1992 Hair color: Brown Eye color: Green Skin color: White, Freckled Tattoos: Oroborus (red, center.. more..

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A Poem by ShaneBerry



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