Lover's Death

Lover's Death

A Story by AngelBeat
"

I changed it a little :)

"
    I look into the sunset...A shadow cast over a patch of colourful flowers. I see you. The love of my life...and my soul. There's a smile spread across your face...But the tear running along it makes me think that your smile is forced..and fake.
    I run towards you. Crushing flowers on my way. You hold your arms out. I run into them. You hug me as lovingly and tightly as you never have before.
    You whisper into my ear: "Please find someone else to embrace you, kiss you, and make love to you."
    I am confused and angry. "Why? What are you talking about? No! I won't!" I yell back. I could feel a warm tear running down my cheek. Then...I heard a gun shot.
    Your arms loosen around me as you fall to the ground, lying in a pool of blood. Your blood. What..? Then I hear another gunshot...This time, pain shoots through my body. I slowly move my hand to my chest. I feel something wet and warm. I look at my hand. "Blood..." I knew I was going to die. I bend down to your lips, for one last kiss. Our skin meets. Yours is still barely warm.
    Everything starts to become black. My body starts to lose its strength. I slip away from you and fall next to your body...and in our blood.
    Maybe we'll meet in the next world...


© 2012 AngelBeat


Author's Note

AngelBeat
I know this isn't set out like a story should be, but tell me what you think of it, honestly
:)

My Review

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Reviews

I like it! It's really dramatic, which is good.
Just have one little criticism though, you repeat words a couple of times. For example:
'There's a smile spread across your face...But I also see a tear running down your face...' - Face is used twice.
'I bend down to my lover's lips...For one last kiss...Our lips meet...His are still barely warm...Everything starts to become black...I slip away from his lips' - Lips is used three times.
I'd suggest trying to think of an alternative word, even though it's quite hard!



This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


haha, it aint sad


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago



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2624 Views
13 Reviews
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Added on October 22, 2011
Last Updated on January 4, 2012
Tags: Death, Fiction, Lovers
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Author

AngelBeat
AngelBeat

New Zealand



About
(Lets change this again~ -_-) I don't come on here as much, rarely ever do now. I am more on dA. I like to do art stuff. Thats it ._. *** I'm sorry if you don't like my stuff :) I don't like it eith.. more..

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