None See

my stomach feels sick
like my body is playing a trick
on my mind.
it’s hard to find
a way out, or even a way in
when you can’t hear beyond the din
of organs screaming
blood is streaming
from my body to the floor.
there is no door
as organs and cells commit suicide
for even though they pushed and they tried
they knew i loved a man who hid behind
a door none knew existed, so none tried to find
my stomach feels sick
at his careless mind trick
he holds the yoke before me
but-- was it he who set me free?
or did he place that restraint
upon me-- was it he that caused me to taint
the beautiful blue sea
with blood that came from wounds none see?
how can i love a man who lies
as each organ tries
to push me off the cliff, damning me?
… if there is an answer here, it is one none see.

Reviews

[Bill Grimke-Drayton]

Shayla, I realize why you asked me to review this poem. I think it is probably best spoken as well as read. I like the rhyming which is like a metronome beat - or a pointing finger of accusation. Someone has been treated as though they were mad. It is a mind game which has left the victim believing that in fact they are indeed worthless. It effects the physical body, of which the vital organs are decaying. Life is ebbing away fast. And you as the victim are being pushed forward to destruction. HOWEVER, this poem expresses hope even out of pain. The hope which is fuelled by the legitimate sense of being wronged by deceit. This poem represents a turning point for you. This sums up what I think - such as it is! Hope it is helpful.

[roy mccarthy]

great poem
very good flow of rhymes also!

[Vanessa Rico]

Again, I must tell you your words are amazing! You are truly talented! I hope that you have adding the other members of writer's muse as friends so you can help each other read and review the other's work!! Beautiful!

[anne p. murray- LadeeAn..]

I feel you must have wrote this piece, while remembering pasts hurts; feeling despair. I like the words you have chosen and the last 6 lines were quite enigmatic

[raindroplove]

well as a not so smasrt person i dont get it but if i did i would say something good but of coure i dont get it

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

I feel you hold back a touch more than you should, it breaks boundaries but needs more shocking imagery. i love your turn of phrase ans intimate denunciation of sound, well done, good read.