Melissa

The life as a model when her body is suddenly altered

        The serene woman sat down on the stool, turned her head and stared into camera. Her skin was flawless, her features bold and her charcoal-black hair had been pulled to one side of her head. The camera snapped and she didn’t blink, she had been modeling for ten years, but her recent pictures held a new, more vacant stare. For the past seven months, she had been reduced to headshots because of a car accident that had pinned her right leg under a pile of shrapnel, forcing it to be amputated. The leg that had allowed her to strut down runways, pose in upright stances and model shoes high enough to add five extra inches to her already six-foot two-inch structure, had been amputated at the nearest hospital the ambulance had rushed her to. Without her leg, her body was only deemed beautiful from the waist up, forcing her to that days photo shoot, modeling a black dress, sitting on a wooden stool.

Author's Note

This is suppose to be in a direct characterization. Please tell me if a wander from it and tell me anything I can do to make it better.

Reviews

[Elle M.]

World of fashion and modeling seems like a cutthroat world and if you are not deemed "perfect" you get cast aside. Thats the feeling I get from this. Excellent!!!

[Chris]

"serene" is not really appropriate for the characterization you seem to want to build. It doesn't work with the very next portion of "vancant" stares.

If you make her "real" - people will listen. Think THROUGH the "person", see her fully behind-your-eyes... use your words sparingly but with flavor. In the end she needs to breathe.

Chris

[Sunflower 20]

this was awesome! i really liked the way you introduced the main character. and how you told us some history about her before returning to the scene, can't wait to read more! :)

[brianna vega]

good start. but give me more dont really like serene for description but thats me

[Coyote Poetry]

The story beginning was very good. You gave some history and description of the character. I like how you made the appearance important. It is a very good introduction. I look forward to see where you are taking the story. A excellent introduction.
Coyote

[Sweets]

Nice characterization !
This is beautiful (:

[Tasha]

Great characterization, you wrote this wonderfully.
♥ Ta'Shandra

[Serenity]

i love the characterization of her, very descriptive

[.quan.011.]

This is a nicely written chapter. It is a very detail when it comes down the character.

[Time Crosser]

Beautiful description. But is that enough? If this is how you intend to begin your story its fine as long as you add more detail and depth as you go on with the rest of it. Maybe describing a bit about this person's feelings, her worries, her attitude and maybe mentioning a bit more about her background? This way we'll grow closer to the character.
Or maybe this paragraph was some sort of intro to a book you'll be writing. Perhaps your just showing us a small bit of what you can do. Aha! your just making us wonder, yes? You wanted us to build up some interest for your book. Well you won, you defiantly got my attention. I'd like to read more.
Such a good way to advertise your book. You're writing a book on this . . . right?
At least make it a bit longer, hey, you've got me reading. -smiley-