Colorblind

Seeing the world with depression

It’s the kind of depression that’s crippling. Where it affects your life so much that it becomes your life. Swallowing you entirely and making you see nothing but negativity. Its consuming and intoxicating. You hate it but to you it seems real. Life without depression seems so fake. This is the truth, you think. This is what you believe. You are bound to the lies you believe. Stuck in a pattern. Stuck in a false belief. You stay at home in your comfort, you stay away from the people you know. Avoiding life, avoiding contact, avoiding the joys of life you once knew- all a mystery of pain to you now. You struggle to understand why others don’t see the way you do. Your the only one who really knows yourself- that’s why you hate yourself. You want to die. You make your plans everyday. You beg yourself to follow through, you plead to never wake up. You wish you didn’t have to do this, but you can’t understand why anyone would want to live. You are so very gifted you see, gifted to see only the ugly. The sad blinded person you’ve become refuses to open their eyes. You see what you want to see, and what you see is not worth living for. Your depression is so very crippling. Your depression is so very blinding. Perhaps it isn’t what you see in the world or what you see in yourself but your inability to see color- you are living in a world full of color, but you wouldn’t know. For the colors you see aren’t vibrant, the colors you see aren’t bright. Cursed with a world full of color, with no eyes to see.