What You Do To Me

Dark fiction poetry... The words just poured out of me.

The touch that drove me out

The pain that started to cloud

The hate that started to flow

The blood that I have shed,

Just trying to stay ahead

You come around just to watch,

Hoping to watch me self-destruct

Beaten from  your twisted game

Congratulations, you've finally  won

Look at what you've done to me.

 

Reviews

[Jonathan De Elvira]

I can see that this a "you screwed me" kinda poem...
Usually this kind of poem is filled with intense cursing, intense hating and intense everything...
You on the other hand had chosen to simplify things up, which could be good...
But I just feel like u're holding back in this...
If u put few more lines than this could be well intense reading...
Anyway, it's interesting...:)

[loowzerX]

I like how you stopped with the rhyming suddenly, almost as if implying that when the hate started, you didn't care much for petty things. nice.

[M.S Solis]

wow poetry expressing a lot of hate and an odd relationship with the person. though i think you should keep the flow going by adding a few words and changing the last line. nonetheless a great poem. keep writing i love your works :)

[KaySea]

very nice.
i loved this.
i think everone feels like this most of the time

[Marlena]

I like this, but I think you should play with the format a bit to make it a little more interesting. Maybe explain a little too, you know, what drove the other person to make the narrator do all this that they talk about in the poem. It's good, but I think you should play with it a bit and see how it ends up :)

[ShaneBerry]

wow sarah very interesting write, dark,gritty, and unique!