Becoming

Facing the demon that is us...

Crimson eyes, crimson horns

Cold light of sadness, emanating

From his very bones

He looks to me, in

Melancholy

All the anguish, seeping

It clutches at my throat.

 

He points to my chest

My heart, he holds

In a steely grip, deathly

Threatens me to shatter, into

Oblivion

All that I stand for

All that I long for.

 

He strengthens his grip

I scream out in agony

As all I hold dear

Turns into utter

Decay

I long for peace

I long for serenity.

 

“Look in the mirror

And you will see

The darkness of your

World, the ever spreading

Disease

Look inside your heart

Look inside your soul.”

 

I gaze at the mirror, confounded

My heart in my palm, throbbing

Wild in agony, in rage

At what I’ve become, the

Demon

With the crimson eyes

And the crimson horns.

Author's Note

not my best effort, I know but just felt like writing something about the demon we have inside us..tell me what you think!

Reviews

[DrD]

I agree . . . . not your best effort and I didn't like the use of "smithereens." Think of it this way, Sid . . . . in a moment of splendor you write the immortal verse that is published and is on library shelves across the world. In a hundred years, will the reader recognize "smithereens?" Let's be honest, what do we strive for? That touch of literary immortality that we have to guard with good word selections.

[Sid]

Thank you for the review Dr., I'll see if I can find a word better suited in the place of smithereens and as always I'm glad for your review!

[Tex]

loved it! love the mystery aspect of this... the shift of He to Me... so true. You capture how we are at times our own worst enemy. Love the highlighting of the Key stanza.

A great write. Sometimes the most honest stuff come out fast (I read the comments below)

I saw the comment about "Smithereens"... interesting thing is, it was the only place I hesitated during the reading. I have dyslexia so am guessing at what will come next a lot of the time and if the word I find is similar to what I expect it is most likely the word that goes there. My brain was looking for "pieces". But I worry that that may not be adult enough for Becca... ;-) (I am a bit simple minded but that is improving as I read your deep and great stuff).

A very honest, very clean piece... I loved it. High marks from me...

[Sid]

Thank you Nicholas, glad you like it!

[Phillitup]

very interesting and detailed

[Sid]

Thank you!

[stars are far]

that was well done :)
keep it up (Y)

[Sid]

Thank you!!

[stars are far]

you are very welcome :)

[Sid]

:)

[Faffy]

awesome! amazing to read thanks for sharing! LOOKING FORWARD TO MOOOOOOOORE

-Roshan

[Sid]

Thank you Roshan, glad you like it!

[Becca Bishop]

Awesome!! If you had to change something, I'd suggest you change the word 'smithereens'. Great word, but a little bit too childish for such a deep poem as this :P Or keep it there and totally disregard my opinion. I deserve it. I'm so bossy sometimes :D
I love how you did a different font color for what struck me as the central piece to this message. Great way to make it stand out.
It's really hard to fight the demons inside of us when we're so much like them ourselves. I felt like you captured the inside turmoils we all have superbly!!!

SUPER-DEE DUPER-DEE GREAT!!!!!

[Sid]

Thank you for the review Becca, I'll see if I can find a "not-childish" substitute for smithereens and I'm glad you like it!!

[Jack Reaper]

beautifully written look into becoming the demon the lurks within us all. excellent work. “There is a dark resource within all of us, a reservoir of hurt and pain and anger upon which we can draw when the need arises. Most of us rarely, if ever, have to delve too deeply into it. That is as it should be, because dipping into it costs and you lose a little of yourself each time, a small part of all that is good and honorable and decent about you. Each time you use it you have to go a little deeper, a little further down into the blackness. Strange creatures move through its depths, illuminated by a burning light from within and fueled only by the desire to survive and to kill. The danger in diving into that pool, in drinking from that dark water, is that one day you may submerge yourself so deeply that you can never find the surface again. Give in to it and you're lost forever.”
― John Connolly, The Killing Kind

[Sid]

Wow, words to live by! Thank you for your review, glad you like it!!

[Jo March]

Well I think this is one of your best poems. You really paint a good picture of being suffocated. Very well done

[Sid]

Thank you Jo, I'm not very sure about this, kind of wrote it in about 5 minutes. So thank you for the review, means a lot!!