"Seasons"   (in collaboration with Zahra)

"Seasons" (in collaboration with Zahra)

A Poem by Einstein Noodle
"

our first attempt at the "Renga" a few changes r/t advice taken from N. Esse

"
"Seasons"

Chrysanthemums pierce
new earthscapes warming springshine
rainbow emitting

Daylight greets verdant yearnings
Floral colors scatter forth,

Exploding petals
Drinking rain and sun
Picnics woven in between

Ringing laughter and raindrops,
And Rejuvenations sprout

sprouting seeds seeking sleep
trailing wind and stars
east to west serenely

Zephyrs caress fuchsia morns
Vibrancy flows in gardens

compost drying. fruit and
brown stems withering
juice drips down cornered lips

arid grounds smothering with
surreal autumn golds and reds

rainbow paints the hills
grounds below hungry
to fatten before winter

anticipation gliding
through athirst landscapes of fall

thirsty roots reaching
preparing winter's breaching
lost warm days for now

winter circle glorifying
mystique nights of wintertime

ice crystals riding
Procyon, Sirius and
Betelgeuse blowing

trees adorning snow's attire
welcome gentle warmth's shower

silent blankets covering
lone caw of crow
robins herald new world

perched on sanguine beginnings
spring joyfully flutters wings

© 2014 Einstein Noodle


Author's Note

Einstein Noodle
the three stars mentioned are called the Northern Triangle
from Poets.org renga is defined as:
"To create a renga, one poet writes the first stanza, which is three lines long with a total of seventeen syllables. The next poet adds the second stanza, a couplet with seven syllables per line. The third stanza repeats the structure of the first and the fourth repeats the second, alternating in this pattern until the poem’s end."

ours is comparatively short and we held to three lines with seventeen syllables with a couple of these in 5-7-5 .. hope you enjoy our attempt :)

My Review

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Featured Review

I loved the linking of the stanzas - each leading to the next without losing the completeness of the piece. Very skilful writing. Like Bright Ocean Star Im a sucker for celestial references so we share a favourite stanza - having said that I was buzzed by
"perched on sanguine beginnings
spring joyfully flutters wings" too. All in all a fine collaboration you two.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

5 Years Ago

the two lines you quote are Zahra's ... she has been such a blessing to work with .. thank you Anto!.. read more
Zahra

5 Years Ago

Thank you very much ANTO :)



Reviews

i like how everything in the poems kind of connect. very similar to nature and the changing of seasons. you can truly feel the seasons as the poem goes on and i really liked the imagery here as well. :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


Einstein Noodle

1 Year Ago

wow! you found an oldie Nearly! thank you so much for taking time .. and reviewing ... i don't think.. read more
Wow, this is held up as one of the most important of the Japanese art forms. You have both tackled it sublimely and the picture you paint indeed fits the theme so well!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Einstein Noodle

1 Year Ago

thanks for reviewing John! i appreciate you taking time ... happy you enjoyed reading ... Zahra is f.. read more
a little collaborative masterpiece if ever there was....and thoroughly enjoyed.. I feel as if I've been searching for these lovely words since they were first posted.. now that's wot I call love.. in fact a dead Renga for love... sorry about that Gene.... Neville :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


Einstein Noodle

1 Year Ago

wow..i had to refresh my nog on what a Renga is ;) i sure appreciate your wandering around my pages .. read more
Neville

1 Year Ago

always a pleasure my friend, and always mine.... :)
So, I've read a few of this type in my lifetime and know its a job to get a flow for all four - wrap it up and make it beautiful - that being said, its exactly what you did. This is a lovely poem - consistent imagery throughout - like a little dance. Well done.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Einstein Noodle

4 Years Ago

honestly struck by your review TL .. i have much respect for you ... i was actually getting ready fo.. read more
TL Boehm

4 Years Ago

Ya know, I so rarely "correct" a soul here. I'm not really qualified to do it since nobody died and .. read more
Einstein Noodle

4 Years Ago

thanks TL! i hear ya!
Yay, I love renkus! Although, I would really recommend doing a linked-style poem with 3 or more poets so you don't wind up alternating, as it can lead to a repetitive feel in the poetry.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Einstein Noodle

5 Years Ago

yes! when learning about this form i did note that there can be a whole lot of poets contributing in.. read more
There is one word to describe such poetry....the word is "cascading"... a very gentle and eloquent poem... you met the challenge head on....:) :)

Posted 5 Years Ago


Einstein Noodle

5 Years Ago

Oh my goodness Moon's Fairest!!! could not be more happy with a response such as yours .. feeling pr.. read more
Nice job you two.
This is a difficult format follow and you've delivered expertly.
Beautiful images and comparisons.
Well done.

Posted 5 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

5 Years Ago

thank you Ana .. truly appreciate your taking time .. so glad you found some good stuff in this one!.. read more
A visual symphony. Carried me away from the chaos running rampant in my mind. Thank you both for that.

Posted 5 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

5 Years Ago

thank you Sharonlee! chaos needs a symphony doesn't it!? ;) so glad that reading this brought a deep.. read more
Well, first of all, "arid grounds covered with" is only six syllables, instead of the seven needed--other than that, this seems just fine from a technical standpoint. Although I also recommend making earthscape a single word; and perhaps cut out the redundant use of 'garden'? I enjoyed the variety of syllable schemes used for the tercets--it defied the standard haiku format, and made for a more diverse flow. Which for the record, this is an excellent example of two poets working seamlessly together--definitely a credit to the format. You capture such variety in both imagery and emotion, tapping into a diverse myriad of seasonal evolution. This does such a great job at seizing the spirit of Japanese poetry, with that same grace, vague longing, and impacting depth. The word choice is strong and creative, without becoming excessively esoteric. What can I say, this was very well worth my time to read! Great job you two.

Posted 5 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

5 Years Ago

Thank you Nusqaum for this wonderful explanation. I love Japanese forms, perhaps because I too love .. read more
Nusquam Esse

5 Years Ago

There is something oddly unique about the expression they carry. Feel free to check out some of my .. read more
Zahra

5 Years Ago

I'll definitely check yours. Writing in a secondary language can be a wonderful experience. English .. read more
"Exploding petals
Drinking rain and sun
Picnics woven in between"


"Ringing laughter and raindrops
And Rejuvenations sprout"

"rainbow paints the hills
grounds below hungry
to fatten before winter"

"trees adorning snow's attire
welcome gentle warmth's shower"




This was Simply Gorgeous You both
did an amazing Job Stunning Nice Work!



I have not yet Collaborated with you
ever have I, I've did a Collaboration
with Wordman the piece is called
Promise Land.



if you ever want to Collaborate together
on a poem I would simply love it I love doing
poems with other poets.



Thank you for stopping by
my page.

God bless. Benita

Posted 5 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

5 Years Ago

i absolutely would ... it is such a marvelous experience to work with others .. and thank you for yo.. read more
Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet

5 Years Ago

you're welcome. thank you. :)
Zahra

5 Years Ago

Thank you very much Benita. And I love collaborations, they really broaden one's experience and crea.. read more

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Added on November 21, 2014
Last Updated on December 20, 2014

Author

Einstein Noodle
Einstein Noodle

Pork Rind, AK



About
"What arbitrary assignments! .. What arbitrary differentiations! What one-sided preferences, first for this, then for that property of a thing! ... with words it is never a question of truth, never a .. more..

Writing
Norma Norma

A Story by Einstein Noodle



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