"Seasons"   (in collaboration with Zahra)

"Seasons" (in collaboration with Zahra)

A Poem by Einstein Noodle
"

our first attempt at the "Renga" a few changes r/t advice taken from N. Esse

"
"Seasons"

Chrysanthemums pierce
new earthscapes warming springshine
rainbow emitting

Daylight greets verdant yearnings
Floral colors scatter forth,

Exploding petals
Drinking rain and sun
Picnics woven in between

Ringing laughter and raindrops,
And Rejuvenations sprout

sprouting seeds seeking sleep
trailing wind and stars
east to west serenely

Zephyrs caress fuchsia morns
Vibrancy flows in gardens

compost drying. fruit and
brown stems withering
juice drips down cornered lips

arid grounds smothering with
surreal autumn golds and reds

rainbow paints the hills
grounds below hungry
to fatten before winter

anticipation gliding
through athirst landscapes of fall

thirsty roots reaching
preparing winter's breaching
lost warm days for now

winter circle glorifying
mystique nights of wintertime

ice crystals riding
Procyon, Sirius and
Betelgeuse blowing

trees adorning snow's attire
welcome gentle warmth's shower

silent blankets covering
lone caw of crow
robins herald new world

perched on sanguine beginnings
spring joyfully flutters wings

© 2014 Einstein Noodle


Compartment 114
Compartment 114
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Author's Note

Einstein Noodle
the three stars mentioned are called the Northern Triangle
from Poets.org renga is defined as:
"To create a renga, one poet writes the first stanza, which is three lines long with a total of seventeen syllables. The next poet adds the second stanza, a couplet with seven syllables per line. The third stanza repeats the structure of the first and the fourth repeats the second, alternating in this pattern until the poem’s end."

ours is comparatively short and we held to three lines with seventeen syllables with a couple of these in 5-7-5 .. hope you enjoy our attempt :)

My Review

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Featured Review

I loved the linking of the stanzas - each leading to the next without losing the completeness of the piece. Very skilful writing. Like Bright Ocean Star Im a sucker for celestial references so we share a favourite stanza - having said that I was buzzed by
"perched on sanguine beginnings
spring joyfully flutters wings" too. All in all a fine collaboration you two.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

the two lines you quote are Zahra's ... she has been such a blessing to work with .. thank you Anto!.. read more
Zahra

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much ANTO :)



Reviews

Well, first of all, "arid grounds covered with" is only six syllables, instead of the seven needed--other than that, this seems just fine from a technical standpoint. Although I also recommend making earthscape a single word; and perhaps cut out the redundant use of 'garden'? I enjoyed the variety of syllable schemes used for the tercets--it defied the standard haiku format, and made for a more diverse flow. Which for the record, this is an excellent example of two poets working seamlessly together--definitely a credit to the format. You capture such variety in both imagery and emotion, tapping into a diverse myriad of seasonal evolution. This does such a great job at seizing the spirit of Japanese poetry, with that same grace, vague longing, and impacting depth. The word choice is strong and creative, without becoming excessively esoteric. What can I say, this was very well worth my time to read! Great job you two.

Posted 9 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

9 Years Ago

Thank you Nusqaum for this wonderful explanation. I love Japanese forms, perhaps because I too love .. read more
Nusquam Esse

9 Years Ago

There is something oddly unique about the expression they carry. Feel free to check out some of my .. read more
Zahra

9 Years Ago

I'll definitely check yours. Writing in a secondary language can be a wonderful experience. English .. read more
"Exploding petals
Drinking rain and sun
Picnics woven in between"


"Ringing laughter and raindrops
And Rejuvenations sprout"

"rainbow paints the hills
grounds below hungry
to fatten before winter"

"trees adorning snow's attire
welcome gentle warmth's shower"




This was Simply Gorgeous You both
did an amazing Job Stunning Nice Work!



I have not yet Collaborated with you
ever have I, I've did a Collaboration
with Wordman the piece is called
Promise Land.



if you ever want to Collaborate together
on a poem I would simply love it I love doing
poems with other poets.



Thank you for stopping by
my page.

God bless. Benita

Posted 9 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

i absolutely would ... it is such a marvelous experience to work with others .. and thank you for yo.. read more
Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet

9 Years Ago

you're welcome. thank you. :)
Zahra

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much Benita. And I love collaborations, they really broaden one's experience and crea.. read more
interesting formation here...and the intense personification in the description reminds me of the wonderful description in Lord of the Rings...

and your voices blend beautifully in this.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

jacob erin-cilberto

9 Years Ago

my only problem with the new Hobbit movies is that they made three movies from the one book...and it.. read more
Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

right there with you brother .. the elongated Hobbit is a $ thing in my opinion .. but love them all.. read more
Zahra

9 Years Ago

The Simarillion? Oh and I love LOTR and The Hobbit books. I have seen only one hobbit movie and agre.. read more
Oh...this is lovely. The images created are wonderful.
Exploding petals
Drinking rain and sun
Picnics woven in between

A stunning collaboration!

:)Julie

Posted 9 Years Ago


Zahra

9 Years Ago

E comes up wonderful metaphor always. Thanks a bunch Julie.
Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

hey Ms. Jewel! thank you for such encouraging words .. love and peace to ya!
E.
You two met this challenge wonderfully - a well formed poem with great imagery. Many praiseworthy lines, but this image kept calling me back to it: Zephyrs caress fuchsia morns...

Very much enjoyed!

Posted 9 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

9 Years Ago

Thank you Rita xoxo
Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

those are beautiful Zahra's words :) she does inspiring work .. and thank you for reading and lettin.. read more
I am very impressed. This is very nice, indeed. Highest marks. A rare 98 rating. I've never given higher.

Cudos! One of which to be proud.

Very best regards,

Posted 9 Years Ago


Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

wow! that is so generous of you! thank you so much for your encouraging review .. thank you!
E.. read more
Zahra

9 Years Ago

Oh thank you so much Rick, glad you liked it.
Rick Puetter

9 Years Ago

Yep. This is a beauty of a piece.
excellent writing from two remarkable writers enjoyed this very much :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

9 Years Ago

Thanks a lot Richard, glad you liked it. :)
Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

yes! thank you Richard! so glad you enjoyed! .. and nice to meet you :)
E.
R Smith

9 Years Ago

likewise Einstein :)
Oh wow, I loved it.

Kaze~

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

♔ CrownedDevil ☾

9 Years Ago

Your very welcome.
Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

grateful for your support ... it is such a pleasure to work with Zahra .. she is so eloquent ..thank.. read more
♔ CrownedDevil ☾

9 Years Ago

Anytime. :-)
Going from one season unto another, a very nice write. Valentine

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Zahra

9 Years Ago

Thanks a bunch Valentine.
Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

the renga is such a pliable yet solid form .. i was so pleased to find it along with Zahra and work .. read more
I loved the linking of the stanzas - each leading to the next without losing the completeness of the piece. Very skilful writing. Like Bright Ocean Star Im a sucker for celestial references so we share a favourite stanza - having said that I was buzzed by
"perched on sanguine beginnings
spring joyfully flutters wings" too. All in all a fine collaboration you two.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

9 Years Ago

the two lines you quote are Zahra's ... she has been such a blessing to work with .. thank you Anto!.. read more
Zahra

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much ANTO :)

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30 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on November 21, 2014
Last Updated on December 20, 2014

Author

Einstein Noodle
Einstein Noodle

Pork Rind, AK



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