"Seasons" (in collaboration with Zahra)

our first attempt at the "Renga" a few changes r/t advice taken from N. Esse

"Seasons"

Chrysanthemums pierce
new earthscapes warming springshine
rainbow emitting

Daylight greets verdant yearnings
Floral colors scatter forth,

Exploding petals
Drinking rain and sun
Picnics woven in between

Ringing laughter and raindrops,
And Rejuvenations sprout

sprouting seeds seeking sleep
trailing wind and stars
east to west serenely

Zephyrs caress fuchsia morns
Vibrancy flows in gardens

compost drying. fruit and
brown stems withering
juice drips down cornered lips

arid grounds smothering with
surreal autumn golds and reds

rainbow paints the hills
grounds below hungry
to fatten before winter

anticipation gliding
through athirst landscapes of fall

thirsty roots reaching
preparing winter's breaching
lost warm days for now

winter circle glorifying
mystique nights of wintertime

ice crystals riding
Procyon, Sirius and
Betelgeuse blowing

trees adorning snow's attire
welcome gentle warmth's shower

silent blankets covering
lone caw of crow
robins herald new world

perched on sanguine beginnings
spring joyfully flutters wings

Author's Note

the three stars mentioned are called the Northern Triangle
from Poets.org renga is defined as:
"To create a renga, one poet writes the first stanza, which is three lines long with a total of seventeen syllables. The next poet adds the second stanza, a couplet with seven syllables per line. The third stanza repeats the structure of the first and the fourth repeats the second, alternating in this pattern until the poem’s end."

ours is comparatively short and we held to three lines with seventeen syllables with a couple of these in 5-7-5 .. hope you enjoy our attempt :)

Reviews

[ANTO]

I loved the linking of the stanzas - each leading to the next without losing the completeness of the piece. Very skilful writing. Like Bright Ocean Star Im a sucker for celestial references so we share a favourite stanza - having said that I was buzzed by
"perched on sanguine beginnings
spring joyfully flutters wings" too. All in all a fine collaboration you two.

[Einstein Noodle]

the two lines you quote are Zahra's ... she has been such a blessing to work with .. thank you Anto! for taking time to read and review .. your words encourage me to keep trying! :)
thank you again!
E.

[Zahra]

Thank you very much ANTO :)

[Bright Ocean Star]

Very nice writing, you two. I love the astronomical references, as always... So many great lines, but my favorites were:
" ice crystals riding
Procyon, Sirius and
Betelgeuse blowing

trees adorning snow's attire
welcome gentle warmth's shower" You did autumn a just service, my friends. Absolutely wonderful.

[Einstein Noodle]

oh! Bright One!!! thank you so much .. your comments mean a lot ... thank you and i am encouraged to keep on keepin' on! thank you again!
E.

[Bright Ocean Star]

He-he! You are welcome, as always! Thank you, E. I appreciate your happy presence!

[Zahra]

Thanks a lot Bright Star :D

[Bright Ocean Star]

You are welcome....:)

[Lyn Anderson]

I think it is well done, in so far as the poem is explained. I am no expert, however. When I do form poetry, I literally follow the pattern line by line.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks for reading KL .. and your comments .. is there a way we could hold closer the the renga form? .. the history found (i am sure there is more) is that renga evolved the haiku .. one def. said that the first verse is in 5-7-5 .. so we did that and a couple other verses are also 5-7-5 .. not sure if it is a good way to present the form or not so all critiques are truly welcomed .. thank you again for taking time KL!
E.

[Zahra]

Thank you KL, I agree with E.

[willweb]

This was a fantastic, colorful and exciting collaboration from two of my favorite poets. Great job you two. I love the word usage and the descriptive phrases you have painted as I walked through each season with you. I really enjoyed this today.

[Zahra]

aww this so nice of you will. Thanks a bunch!

[Einstein Noodle]

ditto willweb .. and the feeling is mutual! love your stuff!
E.

[Great Aunt Astri]

How clever of you two to create such a lovely poem. You must have been very much in tune with each other. Any more?

[Zahra]

Thank you. I like your screen name, Great Aunt Austri. :) Einstein and I have done some collaborations before, he is really supportive and flexible so it is easy working with him. You can see our collaborations on E's and my profiles. Thanks for visiting. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

hi aunti! thank you for reading and for your comments.. i love working with Zahra .. she is always open to trying something new to both of us .. the renga verses are drawn from the preceding one so a thread is maintained .. tuning in to Zahra always brings growth to my experience .. we did an English sonnet a while back titled Harlem .. it was also a first attempt .. i am particularly proud of that one .. hope you check it out and let us know what you think :)
E.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Thanks for the explanation. I will look up your sonnet. Keep up the good work.

[Zahra]

btw I've arranged links to our collabs on one place. I have here this renga, Lady of the cursed chateau and uncelebrated valentines. I'll add Herlem and Palimpsest Garden later.
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/mysticflight98/1446929/

[Einstein Noodle]

you are the best Zahra! ;)

[Einstein Noodle]

oops .. i mis-spoke Auntie .. Harlem was not our sonnet .. i think Palimpsest Garden is the sonnet .. but Harlem is one of my favorite collabs with Zahra!

[Zahra]

Yeah, Harlem was our first collab.

[FOih;]

I didn't want this poem to end.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Arturo! its is a wonderful form to collab. ... humbled you found it enjoyable and desirous of more .. thank you!
E.

[Zahra]

Thank you Arturo. :)

[Cryingkate]

Loved it ! Great Piece you two.

would love to see another :-)

E. I saw your note... So sorry you've been out of commission.Get well fast, will be in touch. I finally went to Doc's when things got critical, but I'm on the upswing now. Hope we connect soon.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Crybaby! ;) making that decision to connect with the medical people can be arduous .. it took me a while too .. and finding the right pathway is another thing .. i was fortunate and well pleased to find a fast track walk in Orthopedic Clinic to go to .. no referral nor other middle people .. we shall continue to heal together eh!?? .. and thank you for reading and so glad this left you wanting more .. such a gratifying thing ..
E.

[Zahra]

Hope you feel better soon Cryingkate.

[Cryingkate]

Awe, Thanks so much Zahra and You too E. Yes we will all heal together :-) Keep writing those poems you two and I will heal faster :-)

[icelandicblue]

This has such a magical feel to it.I loved this renga and learned something in the process. The imagery is both rich and lush and I long to just walk into this poem. A perfectly perfect piece.

[Zahra]

Thank you so very much, glad you enjoyed

[Einstein Noodle]

hey Icey! and who is the man with you there? :) so glad you found some worth of magic in this .. we went looking for something new and more disciplined than free verse and agreed on the renga .. i like the form and would definitely do more of them .. thank you for taking time and again so glad you read with enjoyment!
E.

[icelandicblue]

That is my son! The poem is a pleasure to read.

[Einstein Noodle]

great pic Icey .. the joy in those smiles really gives me a blessing!

[icelandicblue]

He is back in the fold and I could not be happier.

[Zahra]

Thank you for suggesting a renga E, this was the first time I heard of one. Glad to finally have finished it.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for working on this Z ... i learned all the way .. and would not mind another :)
E.

[Zahra]

reading it again. still feels good. :D

[Einstein Noodle]

:) .... love ya Z!

[s y e]

You guys have done a marvellous job with this collab, you held my attention right to the very end! I have missed reading your works, Daddy Noodle. Well done to you both, kudos!

[Zahra]

Thank you so much Noodle! It was a wonderful adventure for us. E keeps me motivated and energetic during a collaboration. It is my first renga and enjoyed this experience a lot.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks baby Noodles .. :) i busted up my knee playing with my grandson and have not been able to navigate the stairs to our computer until recently :} .. i am always blessed by your visits and comments .. love ya!
DadE. Adoptedly

[Zahra]

aww I didn't know about your knee E, get well soon.

[s y e]

Oh no, get well soon Daddy Noodle! Sending much love and hugs.

[Einstein Noodle]

doing much better .. thank you guys! :))