Drink and Pour

This is a poem I wrote a few months ago, Warning there is one curse word lol

Drink and Pour 

All the lies, all the stories

you made up for the world to hear,

How about a glass of reality 

instead of your chosen beer.

It's just one more bottle,

give me more, more, more

I can't handle another greedy demand,

another sip, another pour

Alcoholics Anonymous?

Well that's a bunch of s**t

The man on the corner knows more about you

then you would care to admit.

Drink it like it's medicine 

to "heal" your "broken soul"

The definition of broken is staring at you,

watching alcohol take it's toll. 

Author's Note

I hope you enjoyed it! This is one of my favorite's i wrote for some reason so yea :)

Reviews

[Robert Gluzman]

Hello!
Straight up, this got rhythm, good message, and originality.

My issue is that its too short however :p ¨
I mean this isn´t you average formal poem, it seems like a rap or a speech for someone... I doubt that this is enough. If this truly upsets you then express yourself more. Explain how it damages the people around the character, and emphasize that there is no happy ending for this....

"give me more, more, more" ------ Because your goal here is to create emphasis, do not be afraid to add 'and' in the end. --- 'more, more, and more'

[Silver~]

Thank you for the feedback! I understand what you mean when you say it is quite short, it is from months ago when I wrote it and decided to post it today. I probably will go through and add more :) thank you again!

[Robert Gluzman]

For sure! What I usually do, is work on the same poem for a few days, let it rot a few weeks then come back to it. Sometimes I wait even months! Helps you to analyse it with a fresher mind :)

[Silver~]

That sound's like a good plan lol, maybe I should think of doing that :) I'll be sure to take your advice

[Jazzy]

I can really relate to this my step father is an alcoholic and really enjoyed this poem, i can see you get inspired easily by social issues. I really enjoy your poems.

[Silver~]

Thank you so much, I can relate as well, sadly, and I'm sorry about your stepfather! I do get quite inspired my social issues because , as depressing as it is, there are tons of issues out there that need more awareness it my opinion :)

[Jazzy]

My thoughts exactly. :)

[Steph]

Wow, this is such a wonderful poem! It's so well written. I can definitely see why this is one of your favourites! I loved the whole rhyming scheme and everything flowed so nicely together. I especially loved the very first stanza ^^

[Silver~]

Thank you so much