Departure from lover

this is poem on how a hero/lover feels when he knows he is seeing his love for the last time and that he and his lover can't be together in future.the lady smiles as she departs and the poem expresses

PARTING SMILE

smile that breaks the silence

yet it doesn't speak

for the lover,the poet

must pen down a melancholy

smile that breathes life in me

yet it makes life difficult

sore than sea's water

composer lives with heavy heart;burdensome to depart

smile that holds me to you

yet it will be the last image of you

swollen are eyes with dreams 

dried with wind of time

smile that flashes in my mind

yet my eyes won't see you any near

gone are the glares 

that brimmed with glee and brood warmth out

 

smile that wakes me up for slumber

yet you are a dream

seen multitude of times

that it foreshadow the angel bygone

smile that makes me hope

yet its that stole me my soul

for the poet rich with past memories;

now poor of his love 

smile that dips into my heart

yet it makes heart sobs

it bleeds ferociously

like stabbed with icey cold dart

smile that i remember the shortest

yet i can draft a book on it

too lil to say;the poet's pain is grand

even earth's surface sans corner to fill

smile that worketh its way to my loneliness

yet I feel your absence

uniquely lover's solitude

is not that world could percieve

smile that is drinkable like water

yet it manifolds my thirst

enough to drink

sore like ocean's water

smile that was pleasant like twilight

yet it inflamed me like sun 

that smile i treasure 

when you knew we can't be together

Author's Note

I WOULD LOVE TO GET SOME FEEDBACK FROM READERS,IF YOU LIKE THE POEM,KINDLY INFORM OTHERS ALSO TO READ.

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

Lovely poem of lover and her smile and a smile from our lover is all it takes sometimes to set the heart in motion. The only remembrance of a smile at least is a positive thought in times of pain. Thanks for sharing.

[ANTO]

The topic really resonates with me and I was truly looking forward to some wallowing in the loss of a past love but after the sublime first stanza I hit this line -
"sore than sea's water..." - which didnt make sense to me

then this -
"burdensome to depart" - which was surplus to requirement ans seemed like a one-line summation of the whole poem.

3rd stanza is sublime

4th stanza this line tripped me -
"yet my eyes won't see you any near"

5th stanza starts wonderfully but the last line in it could be better

6th stanza line two could be better - the final couplet in that stanza is breathtaking. :)

- I ran out of steam reviewing because your writing seems to fail you after the 6th stanza - as if you lost interest
overall a good write and I can see a lot of potential in this - it could be potent if you pare it down and take care of typos.


I like the repetition of the word 'smile'

[Mr Good]

Sore than sea's water is concept taken from rhyme of ancient mariner, after the albatross was killed in that poem, all the drinking water was used up n sailor's throats went really dry. So they had lots of water around them as they were sailing but the water being salty n sour made their throat sore up even more .
That was a real good critique, thanks
Yes 6th stanza's last 2 lines are my favorite too

[ANTO]

thanks MrGood, I appreciate that and it makes much more sense now.

[Joel Armstrong]

There are a few grammatical errors here and there.overall the poem is okay.