i.
i used to hate it when you said
‘it’s fine.’
‘cause i always wanted to be more than that.
but now i hate it when you say
‘it’s perfect.’
‘cause i know that means
it doesn’t matter to you.
how can ‘perfection’ be such a letdown?
how can you not care?
ii.
if i had an apology for every time you lied to me
maybe we wouldn’t be here.
i’m sure you agree.
we wouldn’t be stuck in this limbo
of awkward conversations and
broken-off sentences.
this cliché is getting to me:
small town boy lost in the big city.
don’t you agree?
iii.
i hate how i can’t care anymore.
you took that away.
just like your vanilla kisses,
and your chocolate eyes.
just something else you stole from me,
something else i’d like back.
it’s not all your fault,
still, i don’t care.
i don’t want you and your brittle bones,
your paper-thin skin, your jutting hipbones.
[by the way]
when are you coming back?
iv.
i was hooked to your IV,
caught in your slipstream.
force fed your hopeless wishes
and your morphine dreams.
you’re the picture-perfect bedside angel
hiding the hair-line
fractures in your halo,
oblivious to the flatline.
‘cause i’m drowning in you,
you just never noticed.
why don’t you notice?
v.
your vanilla lips burn like fire,
like the bitter taste of alcohol
it’s hothothot, you burn my mouth
but you’ve never looked better.
i want to consume you whole,
and let you burn out bright
instead i’ll watch you leave,
still wondering what’s happening.
do you know what’s happening?
vi.
i’m listening to the
thumpthumpthump of your heart
and the fluttering of your thoughts,
like caged birds.
i’ve got the dreamer’s complex,
which makes up for the fluttering
of my heart and the
thumpthumpthump of my thoughts.
they rattle around my brain,
and keep me up at night.
how can you not hear them?
vii.
i want to swallow the irradiant iloveyous
floating unsaid in the air,
so i’ll shine from the inside out.
i’ll turn them into sidelong glances,
and midnight dances.
’cause i really don’t want you to know,
what i really mean.
so i’ll turn away
every time my eyes scream and gleam
iloveyou.
[‘cause even with all that’s happened,
with all you are and aren’t,
i think i still love you,
but i’ll keep this brilliance inside
and a mask over my eyes.
‘cause it still burns too bright.]
but can you still see it?
viii.
you make me sick, oh jealousy.
that electric shock of inspiration
that lightning spark of stimulation,
where’d you get it?
you’re so full of dry brittle clichés.
i want to steal it from you,
but i know i’d get caught.
so i’ve got my cover story.
i’ll get what i want.
it’s just a matter of time,
and a question of lies.
how well can i fake it?
ix.
you’re burning through me,
hothothot, like an open flame,
laughing and dancing,
you’re killing me.
but it’s a mistake and
the moment is gone,
you took those soft iloveyous away.
you’re angry, and i’m sorry,
but i don’t love you like i used to.
did you ever notice?
[you never noticed.]
x.
maybe you’ll notice,
my suitcase is gone.
maybe you’ll wonder,
later, why i’m gone.
maybe you’ll whisper,
‘hey, where you’ve gone?’
maybe you’ll read my note
again and again and again
whisper it like a lullaby.
‘i loved you yesterday,
now i’m gone. goodbye.’
[i’ll whisper it for you today,
but you’re on your own tomorrow.]
will you miss me?
[dear you,
i’m leaving.
xoxo, me.
p.s: iloveyou.]
Second
Oct 20, 2010
Fourth {: Nov 14, 2010
2nd place
Nov 17, 2010
Aww
Feb 16, 2011
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