stop

trying something new

there you are again.  same as any other night.

beating me with commercials and another cheritable add.

i can't turn on the tv, i can't turn off the light.

not aloud to end a day without fifteen reminders of "oh yeah, you're mad".

ten years with this blister, ten years with this itch

ten years of not sleeping, of self medicating

ten years of being stuck inside and trapped in this b***h

first wife couldn't hack, second shouldn't have to

vigalance and confusion, strong front's an illusion

it's almost a panic not knowing what to do

it's my family that saves me and keeps my heart from pounding

from running full throttle or hunting a bottle

can't ever show them the demons they're drowing

always anger, occasional rage

always the nightmare of something NOT HERE!

always entrapment stuck in this cage!

the meds, they work, once in a while

with dosages changing and docs rearranging 

therapy's a joke unless talking's your style

ptsd.  pts me?  please insult me a little more

call it a condition, make it your mission

naming it just leaves me more broken than before

you are not in my head, i didn't write your book

so you don't know what's broken

so you don't know how to fix it

leave it, and me, alone

Reviews

[quinfinn]

like kimmer, i won't even pretend to know your issues. it is a moot point. i have suffered depression for many years. tried self medicating. tried all "their" meds. tried therapy and decided that was ridiculous and stupid, particulary group. now i use my writing as a release and still occasionally self medicate. there is no cure, no matter what these f*****g doctors tell you, they just want your paycheck...this is a brave and honest write and as a friend let me suggest you find an outlet for your anger and sadness.....keep it real and be well and safe as possible. above everything...love and trust yourself and your family.

[Be myself!]

Great piece. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here to listen.

[Me]

We are always here for you and always will be. You are our rock and when you can't be that is what we are here for. We are a family that is strong and can make it through anything. This is just another stepping stone that we will turn. You put yourself in danger to make others lives better and we appreciate you for that. It is our time to put ourselves in between you and your demons. We have your back baby. We're always here with you.

[Frieda P]

I read PTSD and I get shivers up and down my spine. I know it well, it's a b***h and more. I feel this one deep inside where I try not to let anything in, this just resonates with me and allowed itself entrance. I hear your pain quite clearly in this write, it's profound and tangible, it takes on a life of it's own. Good job on giving it a voice, that's always a good step.

[CDseader]

Thank you for doing what you did. Thank you for being me dad. I will always try to help you with what ever you need. LOVE YOU!

[Night]

Thank you for sharing this...this is as good a place as any...lots of good people here. It's good to write...!

[KAOlmsted]

I won't pretend to know what you've been through, therefore will not pontificate on your internal struggles with your demons...I can, however, relate to this piece in conjunction with my own. Self medication works for only so long...soon the cure is worse than the disease (experience talking here, but I gather you already know this)...Therapy is, quite often, a joke. Meds...don't get me started on meds. This piece resonates. This piece speaks volumes. This piece is brave, strong, and vulnerable...thank you so much for sharing it with us, and for the gift of your extremely talented daughter. The apple does not fall from the tree.

-kimmer

[skipperdeuce]

thanks so much

[KAOlmsted]

My absolute pleasure.

[Annabelle Lee]

extremely gifted, eh? you make me bllush, Kimmer!

[KAOlmsted]

Well, actually I said extremely talented, but if the shoe fits ;-) You truly are, Annabelle.

[Annabelle Lee]

awwwww

[Ahmad Cox]

It takes a lot of bravery to write something this honest and this raw. I really appreciated this poem. Thanks for sharing a piece of yourself through your work.

[skipperdeuce]

thanks man

[Baby Ricochet]

It's good to try new things. This one turned out well.

[skipperdeuce]

appreciate that

[Annabelle Lee]

Daddy, I'm sorry you went through what you did, I wish you didn't have to. But even so, I'm proud of you, Papa, In a sick way, I'm glad you went over there, that you were brave enough to do that for us. Love you, Daddy.

[skipperdeuce]

love you baby girl