We don't try

We don't try

A Poem by SlightlyOdd

Just close your eyes

while one us pretends

that the other will be fine

maybe you'll hold my hand

or maybe I'll hold yours.


I'll close my eyes

and pretend I don't know you saw me cry

and you'll close your mouth

and pretend that I'm fine.


Don't you know your doing it wrong

it's easier to feel bad for yourself

if you cry,

not the other way around.


So you will close your eyes

and pretend your not sad 

and I will close my mouth

and pretend that you're happy.


I will hold your hand

or maybe you'll hold mine

and we'll walk together in the dark

and pretend we can see.


As I fade away

I'll hold your hand,

and you will hold mine.

Then we'll both pretend.

You'll smile for the world

and I'll do the same


Until you fade away,

or until I do the same.


We'll pretend. 

© 2013 SlightlyOdd

My Review

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An amazing portrayal of a couple both battling their own internal demons. It does read well except for a few phrases. But that is part amd parcel with perfecting a piece.
Rating = 95/100

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jock Engelman

7 Years Ago

Well the main one is:
Just close your eyes
and one us pretends
To .. read more

7 Years Ago

Is this better?
Jock Engelman

7 Years Ago

That's much better. However I feel there may be a grammar issue this should fix it:

Ju.. read more
Like the way you leave the quatrain verse form towards the end... good

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


7 Years Ago

thanks for reviewing

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2 Reviews
Added on October 26, 2013
Last Updated on November 3, 2013



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A Poem by SlightlyOdd