Chapter Two of a story i need to think of a name for: Building

        Sarah walked back through the garden happy, very happy. Despite her earlier pouting she really loved music lessons, feeling the wood warm under her shoulder and the vibration of the bow against the strings she loved it. To boot her music teacher was very nice she always helped her understand why what she was doing was wrong. Her dark green eyes seemed to smile in spite of her usual irritation at the words from people's mind she sometimes heard sometimes she could block them out and others not so much, but the boy she'd met leaked no sudden words that she heard with her mind and not her ears (as she described it.) she found she liked only hearing words from people's mouths. She could still tell when he was lying she could always tell even when she didn't hear the strange mind(?) words. She looked at the sun. It was almost time for dinner. she walked back slowly unconsciously dreading what was to come next although she was wasn't quite sure why though.
        The boy had decided something important that he was not going to kill the girl, but his mission was still gong to be completed after all one could not disobey the elders and survive. What a distasteful job he had been given why couldn't they have given this job to one of his bloodthirsty year-mates or at least what they considered a term of schooling somehow each school term came to be called a year no one was quite sure why.
       Sarah looked back at the garden she was very uneasy. My teddy bear she thought realizing what she was missing
she ran up the stairs to her nanny
 "Mrs Allric  I left Mr Hartington in the garden" (Mr Hartington is her bear) she admitted guiltily
"Can we go get him?" she asked
"After dinner we will" said the stern looking old woman she addressed as Mrs Allric
"You promise" Sarah asked needing conformation from her nanny who she had only gotten a year before.
"Yes childling, now lets get ready for dinner" Mrs Allric said in her east mountain accent.
they both went inside. Approximately 10 minutes later they both left for the dining hall. Mrs Allric looked down at the child she was very tense this worried her. They Stepped into the hall and they sat down she looked at all those people around her and then at the child as she pushed in her chair.
        Suddenly Mrs Allric felt a sharp pain somehow. She looked down and she couldn't even scream as he legs collapsed below her. In her last moments it seems inappropriate that you only know her as "she" or "her" or "Mrs. Allric" but in her last moments lets call her the name she was given, Victoria. Victoria saw everything she saw the pulsing bloody mass that was her organs and the ripped shreds of her stomach convulse in an attempt to puke. But in her last moments she turned to her attacker and saw an unarmed boy. I can't describe what happens to you when you die. It would be against the rules but i can tell you Victoria in her very last moment of that life was wholly herself brilliantly herself in a way we feel when we are accepted by people we admire only one-hundred times better.
        Then the light faded out of her eyes. The last thing Sarah would let herself of that night  for a time would be the motion of turning around

Author's Note

i hope this helps with the dialogue a bit maybe

Reviews

[The Animal Guy]

I take it that the main character is an assassin working for some kind of underground organization perhaps?

It was kind of hard to read with the sentence all jumbled up with the dialogue.

If you want a better understanding of what you should and this is only if you want to, you can head over to my page and read 'Niccolow's Nightmare'.

I can't explain exactly about the sentence structure, but I'm sure that if you took a look at it you'd know what has to be done.

Keep it up!