The First, Two Words

The First, Two Words

A Poem by Jordan A. Wilson

Two words

Quiet nature

Red legs

Meticulous thought

No doubt

My fresh

Smooth brother

You’re not

 

These eyes, see all

These ears, hear much

My threads, get wrinkled

My shoes, get scuffed

 

Two words

Ride on

Quest up

Rise down

Orthodox

Never that

Dues paid

World renown

 

These eyes, see all

These ears, hear much

My threads, get wrinkled

My shoes, get scuffed

© 2012 Jordan A. Wilson


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Featured Review

I disagree with maidahl with her dislike of "these", i think it works well though she is right that to some people it is odd and strange and weird, but being your style i think that you should definitely stick with it and i think these works great!

A great poem, i love the meanings behind it, and it's one of those poems that can be reread without getting bored of it!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I disagree with maidahl with her dislike of "these", i think it works well though she is right that to some people it is odd and strange and weird, but being your style i think that you should definitely stick with it and i think these works great!

A great poem, i love the meanings behind it, and it's one of those poems that can be reread without getting bored of it!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"These eyes, see all

These ears, hear much

My threads, get wrinkled

My shoes, get scuffed"

i like the way you put that...so much is behind those lines..

Posted 8 Years Ago


This where I got the concept for this piece. Try saying it to the beat of this song and see how it flows.
http://youtu.be/tkFOBx6j0l8

Posted 8 Years Ago


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Repetition can work, but I feel it doesn't here. Your "two words" are less than vague leaving the reader confused at best.

Posted 8 Years Ago


great meter. i like the idea of using only 2 words at a time. i could see it as a song.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Nice use of refrain. May work better as a song.

Posted 8 Years Ago


"These eyes, see all
These ears, hear much" has my only problem. I don't like these. I can see the speaker pointing at his own eyes and ears. It's awkward to make the reader question POV like that. We can't see what you see. You repeat that verse and it really is distinctly weird. Everything else is superb. Very almost charismatic poem.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love this. In my mind I was reading it like a rap song haha, and it worked pretty well that way juss saying. Anyways, very good(:

Posted 8 Years Ago


great flow

Posted 8 Years Ago


Woah. This was Awesome. I love you're style and it kinda (to me) reads like a song. That may just be my weird brain though. But Great write.

Posted 8 Years Ago



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10 Reviews
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Added on June 28, 2012
Last Updated on June 28, 2012
Tags: myself, thoughts, likes, dislikes

Author

Jordan A. Wilson
Jordan A. Wilson

Carrollton, KY



About
I'm a 22 year old Entrepreneurship Student of Northern Kentucky University from the small town of Carrollton, Ky. I play guitar and began writing poetry as a hobby four years ago. My main goals in wri.. more..

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