A Poem by smear

Sometimes I think you hate me...sometimes...
------------------I know you do.

I don't want to think about what I've done to you.
------------------or lack thereof.

One time or another I can still feel you breathing.
------------------Right on the back of my neck.
Sometimes I can feel you watching me.
------------------In the most private of places.
I see your reflection when I look in the mirror.
------------------I see every inch of you.
The sweet taste you would emit into the air.
------------------The way your body tastes.
My imagination taking me to all the places we used to be.
------------------Imagining the way you used to pin me to the wall before you got your way with me.
Hearing your voice tell me nothing would ever change.
------------------How you used to sound when you would moan into my ears when I did something you liked.

You'll be with me wherever I may go, and I shall be beside you. We're in this together.

Sometimes I find it difficult to perceive reality.
------------------After making up in a dream.

When I die, the world will go with me.
------------------Because it is all inside me; inside my head.

These are the times I need you more than ever.
------------------The one time you choose not to be around.

I need to hear your voice. No matter what you might say.
Say you love me. 
Tell me you'll always be there. 
Describe what our future together will be like.
Yell my name.
Call me a w***e.
Break me in until I cry.
Curse my existence.
Take me, rip me up, and throw me away.

I'd rather have you hate me, than feel nothing at all.
Just be passionate about it.
Hate me with every fiber you have.

Think of me when you f**k her.
Remember everything I've given up for you; what I've gained.
What you've taken from me, you'll never be able to give it back.
What I've taken form you, I'll keep. I'll burn it until it bleeds.

Everything I never liked about you is sinking into me.
Everything I've ever hated about you, I've grown to miss.
Everything I just wish I could tell you, that I've never been able to more my lips to for the words.

© 2016 smear

Author's Note

April 22, 2010

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Added on July 7, 2016
Last Updated on July 8, 2016
Tags: animosity, hate, past



vestal, NY

hi! my name is smear. im 22, agender, and love to draw and write. also make music. i go by they/them pronouns. more..