A Story by JENY

Looking into a disturbed mind





    Each day he crossed the bridge. Expecting her…. on the other bank of the river. He did it without fail. After fishing in the river he could have sailed to the bank where she used to wait for him. Instead he guided the yacht towards his bank. After that he walked barefoot along the bridge to the other bank where he felt she will be waiting for him.

                 Act of walking along the bridge, with a mind agog, vibrating with an aim to see her, gave him a special feeling which helped him to come to terms with the overpowering grief that succumbed him when he walked back to his shore. Perhaps he might see her tomorrow, he renewed his expectation everyday. Having somebody to expect is, indeed, a great thing.


                 Days went by. By this daily visit he thought that he can bridge the gap between his craving soul and life. On some days he walked along the bridge 2 or 3 times to and fro. In the act he forgot his aim of meeting her on the other bank. Thus his daily practice of compensating with this painful uncertainty confined to bridge walking only.

                      Fishes mocked at him and easily escaped from the fishing net which he cast without any aim. It seemed as if he has lost hope in keeping aims for whatever it is. Even his yacht knew his thoughts and one day, it

left him for deeper currents and adventures while he was fully absorbed in walking across the bridge.

                          He walked along the bridge to and fro. He forgot to enter his shore, her shore, oblivious of dawn, dusk, hunger and thirst, as if in meditation. He had so many gulfs inside him to be bridged. Gulfs between wishes, aims, cravings, needs etc

                            Doctor said, he will begin to walk again if medicine is not given properly.

But fishes were reluctant to give an ear to doctor’s forebodings. They valued their life more than his sanity. So money too evaded him just as the shoal of fishes did, that used to fall into his trawl in hundreds and thousands. Thus everybody allowed him to walk. No other choice. Painfully they looked at his futile attempt to bridge the gaps and sighed.

                          He kept on walking across the bridge to and fro till the end. The girl on the other bank saw him one day on the bridge. She didn’t recognize him. He too.



© 2010 JENY

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Your writing is so different intense yet personal you are a jewel

Posted 9 Years Ago

Contrary to Taka, I honestly don't mind the abstract so much. And I honestly don't mind not knowing "why". I like how it suggests that this man was something before, but these walks slowly absorbed him and changed him so much that at the end, he became the walk instead of the man; every part of him fleeting one by one. Taka is right about the sentences being a bit "clunky" though. And I agree with Abhinav about the font being so large, it's really not necessary. But, good work nonetheless.

Posted 9 Years Ago

I like it.:)

Posted 9 Years Ago

phew.. that is quite a large font you put up there, haven't you?.. dont think I like it so much.. but the story was fine, although could have been much better. good effort:)

Posted 9 Years Ago

I don't know. I felt we can get lost in something as love or goals that blind us from the real purpose of life. I like the feel of this story. The detail of his words and the fish mocking him create a vision of a man with a purpose. But ending was sad. In time the purpose went away and the walk was the reason. I like the poem. With a photo of a man walking would make the words come alive.

Posted 9 Years Ago

interesting prose.

My problem with it was that it was too abstract. "overpowering grief," "gap between his craving soul and life," "painful uncertainty," etc. I don't want to sound cliche, but there are instances when you have to SHOW and not tell, and I think this is such an instance.

Also, some sentences were clunky. E.g.: "Act of walking along the bridge, with a mind agog, vibrating with an aim to see her, gave him a special feeling which helped him to come to terms with the overpowering grief that succumbed him when he walked back to his shore."

That can be cleaned up and simplified a lot: "The act of walking along the bridge helped him to deal with his grief."

Also, we'd like to know more about WHY he's waiting for this girl. We want to see what's going on in his head in concrete terms instead of in abstract language.

Hope this helps.

Posted 9 Years Ago

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7 Reviews
Added on April 22, 2010
Last Updated on April 25, 2010
Tags: psychology, love



Kerala, Thrissur, India

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