Sunshine Days

 

Trying to see life through different eyes, i won't lie is an uphill struggle, you consciously  have to fight against your own instincts, learnt behaviour, deeply ingrained negative thoughts and feelings if you want to change them. Believe you me I am sick of thinking and feeling the way that I do, but i don't feel like giving up is an option, if I want to get better and see life through different and refreshing eyes, so I muster up the energy to prepare to go to war with myself and carry on. 

 

 It is so exhausting, constantly battling against your own demons and what is normal and second nature to you.  it is a daily battle against yourself, your head and your emotions.  Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I remind myself where I have been and where I want to be.  I no longer want to see choking, fearful clouds in front of my eyes, be scared of my own shadow, my own thoughts and myself.  I want to see and feel the brillance of the sunshine, not see the darkness, misery and potential fear in every situation and every place.

 

If I was taught to think and feel this way, surely i can learn to think and feel in another way. 

 

One thing that has really helped me is to realise that other people can understand and relate to my thoughts and feelings, not judge me and reassure me that I am not going mad.  Kind, understanding words really do help to put things in perspective, validate your thoughts and feelings, help to separate the mesh of confused, untangible thoughts and give you the courage to move forward and try not to look back. When you start looking back, try and remind yourself to keep looking forward and most importantly be patient and gentle with yourself :)