The Dock

The Dock

A Story by Cali

On the edge of the dock I stood, staring into the dark and unforgiving water. No boats were floating on the water today, so the water was calm. The sky was also clear, fluffy white clouds gliding around on the bright blue sky. But stuck inside my head were thoughts of unbelievable sorrow and depression, whirling around my head in their usual patterns: die, alone, unloved, unwanted. It went in its ellipse, buzzing inside my head repeatedly. Staring into the water, I tried to find the bottom with no prevail. Instead I found the rays of light that bounced off the muddy floor of the lake and created the silhouettes of small fish bustling about in the surrounding water.

               My vision began to blur from the tears that I shed too often, and my head began to pound with its usual pulse-following ache. I glanced down at my feet that were placed strategically on the edge of the dock and back at the black water. Small ripples were beginning to form because of the tears falling from my eyes, and the small fish that were once swimming below me vanished in fright.

               So it was just me again; alone.

               I took in a deep breath before lifting one of my feet and letting it hover over the surface of the water. I sniffed and prepared to drop into my watery grave. Using all the strength available in my leg, I hopped off the edge of the dock and let my head become submerged in the cool water. I opened my mouth and huffed all the air out of my lungs, my vision beginning to darken while I was doing so. My lungs felt horrible--like they were about to implode; and my heart felt even worse. Slowly, my pulse began to slow--I could feel it in my headache--so I closed my eyes and felt my loose hair swirl around my face as I dipped into the cold clutches of the Grim Reaper.  

© 2010 Cali

Author's Note

I dunno why I wrote this. Sorry its so short. Ignore all grammar and spelling errors.

My Review

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So far so good. Albeit a lack of detail leaves much to be desired. Maype post this under prose instead of a story?

Posted 12 Years Ago

Wow. I love how you can describe every little detail. Good job.

Posted 12 Years Ago

It's all good.

Posted 12 Years Ago

Yeah...sorry about that Paege. It kinda inspired me to do it, but I think I took too much off yours. Sorry. :(

Posted 12 Years Ago

Woah, it's like mine but opposite.

Posted 12 Years Ago

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Holy...s**t....that was really good. Even though it was short, it was good.

Posted 12 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I actually thought this was a really well-written snippet. I like the description you use and I thought the last line was fantastic. A couple of sentences came off as somewhat awkward, but it's nothing to really nitpick over. I do wish you'd described the actual jump into the water a bit more though- I'm not too clear on whether he/she was frightened/panicked or remained calm as she sank. Overall, though, I thought it was a nice write.

Posted 12 Years Ago

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7 Reviews
Added on April 13, 2010
Last Updated on April 13, 2010



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