Supercut

Supercut

A Poem by spacelava
"

Looking back, we were broken from the start.

"

Your hand, I kept it warm in my pocket

My heart, told you it’s fragile

And yet you dropped it.


Million times 

Even million more second chances

Thought it was love, so I f*****g chanced it


Looked past your crimes, your lies;

Your ignorant cold eyes;

Your jealousy; your hate

I realized too late


You’re possessive, you’re weak

And I don’t owe you anything


I got my own back so I’m gonna 

Move on

I’ve had it with your games

I’m finally moving on

I’m done making mistakes

I’ve moved on


You keep your pride;

And I’ll gladly take the blame

Because in the end of the day

I know that not so long ago we both felt the same

© 2021 spacelava


Author's Note

spacelava
I was looking through my old notebooks and found "Thought it was love, so I fucking chanced it" scribbled in a hurry. So of course I spent the rest of my afternoon after work turning it into a song (and a very catchy one I might add, I'm still humming the melody). Hopefully one day, you will be able to hear someone sing it.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

WOAHHHHHHHH MARIJA!!!!!!! Once again, AMAZING SONG. I was just sitting here, shoving cheerios in my mouth while looking at read requests, and saw yours, it was the first one I clicked on because I know you always write great songs. I fell in love with this one, too!! 100/100!!!!

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spacelava

9 Months Ago

Oh Nix you're so so sweet! As always! Thank you! 🥺♥
Nix is typing...

9 Months Ago

You're so welcome, Marija!! I can't wait to see you come out with more songs!! Oh, and when you do, .. read more



Reviews

Your poem is well-expressed in powerful terms, but it sounds like the millions of heartbreak poems written by the lovelorn. The problem I have -- describing everything in generalities. "Second chances" . . . "crimes" . . . "lies" . . . "jealousy" . . . "hate" . . . "possessive" . . . "weak" -- these are all bland terms way over-used in love & heartbreak poetry. If you want your poem to stand out from the millions, you need to be more detailed. Generalities sound like a rant, but specifics tell a story.

Convince me with details. Show me one example, fully illustrated with sensory details, which makes the reader FEEL all this (lies, jealousy, hate, possessive, weak) . . . immerse me in your experience. Demonstrate concepts with imagery & irony & symbolism -- instead of mundane bitching about everyday bullshit that happens in every tweaked relationship. Show me a raven pecking your ear with empty flippant caws, rather than saying "he lies". Show me the moon covering up the sun in an eclipse instead of saying "he's jealous".

I know you can do this much better becuz the power is already there in your words & you have a distinct point of view to convey (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 9 Months Ago


spacelava

9 Months Ago

Thank you for your criticism I really appreciate it. I'm not a poet, I don't strive to be because I .. read more
I suppose when two broken people get together the mistrust is already embedded.
Moving on is the only way ahead. Makes for good reading though, and a mournful song outcome.


Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spacelava

9 Months Ago

I agree. And thank you, I'm glad you liked it :3
WOW!! This is so powerful and so emotional, nicely expressed

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spacelava

9 Months Ago

Thank you dear!
This brings back memories of my ex-boyfriend. After we broke up, he kept telling his friends that we were still together for over a year for the sake of his pride. He said I went to live with my parents to "figure some stuff out" as if I was the one with a problem. I had to tell him I wasn't comfortable with that, and that was the last time I spoke with him. The truth of the matter is that he had (probably still has) a meth addiction he hid from me and most of his friends for a long time.

Posted 9 Months Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spacelava

9 Months Ago

That sounds rough. Glad you're no longer in that situation. I would really appreciate you telling me.. read more
WOAHHHHHHHH MARIJA!!!!!!! Once again, AMAZING SONG. I was just sitting here, shoving cheerios in my mouth while looking at read requests, and saw yours, it was the first one I clicked on because I know you always write great songs. I fell in love with this one, too!! 100/100!!!!

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spacelava

9 Months Ago

Oh Nix you're so so sweet! As always! Thank you! 🥺♥
Nix is typing...

9 Months Ago

You're so welcome, Marija!! I can't wait to see you come out with more songs!! Oh, and when you do, .. read more
Great work here. Love it.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spacelava

9 Months Ago

Thank you!
I am so in awe of your work. you are extremely talented and I can't wait to read more.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spacelava

9 Months Ago

Thank you very much! 🥺♥

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

111 Views
7 Reviews
Rating
Added on January 14, 2021
Last Updated on January 14, 2021
Tags: lost love, heartache, moving on, growth

Author

spacelava
spacelava

Macedonia



About
❝I change during the course of a day. I wake and I’m one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I’m somebody else.❞ ― Bob Dylan ━━━^.. more..

Writing
Abiding Abiding

A Poem by spacelava



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Judas Judas

A Poem by Saree Marcel