The sun smiles at her

The sun smiles at her

A Poem by spayne94
"

Just something I wrote, I'm not entirely sure on it, I could do with a bit of help.

"

The hushed voices murmur in the skies,  

Soft and delicate like it's heart,

She passes kisses to the trees,

Pecking them with a gentle touch,

She waves to the sun,

Placing it on her chest,

She brings it close and laughs with it,

For her and the sun are friends today,

For tomorrow she is at rage with the sun,

And welcomes the rain with it's loud pitter patter,

Against the trees form,

Hard, loud and close,

She begins to cry but tonight the sun welcomes her.

© 2013 spayne94


Author's Note

spayne94
I can't get the situation right and the end is wrong and the poem won't work but I want it too, can anyone help?

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Featured Review

In my opinion I think the Sun represents hope, because when you think about it, when we are filled with hope everything becomes a little more beautiful as if our problems finally found a solution. But hope itself is something that drifts depending on our circumstances and our emotions.
That is why when we lose "hope" we end up lashing out. Though in the end hope is always there to welcome us, to smile at us.

Im not really sure if I got the message right, but that is what I think. Its a really good piece :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spayne94

7 Years Ago

Thank you, I can see hope in it too. I may do some alterations on it. I like the idea of hope. Origi.. read more



Reviews

Fantastic poem!! Truly! Do not change a single thing about it! It's not perfect, but no poem ever is. You did an incredible job with this one!

Posted 7 Years Ago


spayne94

7 Years Ago

Oh wow thank you. It doesn't feel right and it doesn't make complete sense. I will see what I can do.. read more
Hmm I admit this poem is difficult to interpret. "She" to me can refer to a number of things: mother nature, earth, an actual human girl, or even a cloud. Either way, it seems to be a creative description upon the events of nature itself, almost like a love story that experiences elements of conflict. Interesting concept that has any reader pondering the meaning.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spayne94

7 Years Ago

I was going for the conflict of a relationship between the weather and therefore personifying the wi.. read more
In my opinion I think the Sun represents hope, because when you think about it, when we are filled with hope everything becomes a little more beautiful as if our problems finally found a solution. But hope itself is something that drifts depending on our circumstances and our emotions.
That is why when we lose "hope" we end up lashing out. Though in the end hope is always there to welcome us, to smile at us.

Im not really sure if I got the message right, but that is what I think. Its a really good piece :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

spayne94

7 Years Ago

Thank you, I can see hope in it too. I may do some alterations on it. I like the idea of hope. Origi.. read more

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Added on May 11, 2013
Last Updated on May 11, 2013

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spayne94
spayne94

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