Wee Bit Unusual

Kiran, a young paladin visiting the land of Dremeadow on a diplomatic mission for his lord, unexpectedly finds himself accused of causing the death of Dremeadow's queen.

            This was an unusual way to spend the last day of the year, Kiran Mani thought, adjusting the fastening on his cloak and straightening his muffler before passing through the wooden main doors of the palace. He’d  anticipated being in Cancalia conducting his duties as the constable of the Northchester city guard under his employer Duke Ivan’s instructions, celebrating at a tavern or inn with Nont’im and his women of the moment, or even visiting his adoptive father down in the city of Cadvashire.

 

            However, a week ago the paladin had been dispatched to Hardscrabble, Drémeadow by Duke Ivan’s son to discuss medical supplies with the Drémeadow hobbits’ king, Hrothgar Foxtrot. The journey north passed smoothly; he’d evaded the bandits that typically troubled unpatrolled roads in remote areas. It was only when he had reached Drémeadow that Kiran had felt as though something were terribly wrong, even though visibly everything seemed well. Ultimately, the young paladin decided that perhaps it was the absence of trouble putting him on edge. He was too accustomed to turmoil  to feel at ease all was well.

 

Despite his persistent misgivings, the stay in Drémeadow was going well.

 

 Kiran learned that the king and his people had been put on edge by several incidences of narrow misses with marauders bent on bullying the small folk for whose safety Hrothgar Foxtrot was held responsible.  There had been injuries to several hobbits patrolling the borders. The paladin proposed that Drémeadow would send supplies with the understanding that Cancalia was expected to send a unit of trustworthy men to assist in protecting the more exposed areas of the border. At that point, the king had accepted, then invited the paladin to stay through the New Year. Kiran accepted the invitation, knowing accepting Drémeadow’s hospitality would prove to Cancalia’s advantage. Besides, it was uncharacteristic of a notoriously generous land to turn stingy without reason. The hobbits’ adamant refusal to give up some of their surplus of medical supplies to help a country needing them was shocking. Kiran felt it his duty to establish whether the matter ran deeper than marauder attacks

.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Kiran strolled down the long cobblestone walkway and through the ornately decorated wooden gate towards the village to grab a drink at a local tavern before it closed for the holiday, his dark eyes vigilantly swept his surroundings looking for signs of trouble. The hobbits outside the palace were in high spirits. Tiny hobbit children barely surpassing Kiran’s knee were racing up and down pathways, chasing balls and each other, shouting and shrieking with delight. Carts were trundling along the cobblestone roads in both directions, most headed towards the city’s commercial district but some back towards what Kiran knew to be Hardscrabble’s residential areas. Groups of them were clustered outside shops laughing and gossiping merrily. Even some of the feral cats were at play- a pair of them was alternating between chasing each other around the doorstep of a shop that sold fish and placing their front paws on the door as though hoping to get fed fish.

 

The only people who seemed to be showing signs of stress were the royal family and their staff themselves, but Kiran knew it was because they were getting ready for the Pre-New Year’s Banquet- they had quite a lot to do. The two sons and two daughters, who ranged in age from eighteen to thirty-one, had been sent off in various directions that morning to procure chairs from relatives. All of them had since returned and proceeded to other duties, but everything appeared to be in order. So why was the paladin unable to shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong?

 

The young man entered a tavern called the Banging Hedgehog and ordered a barley ale at the bar. After the young bartender poured the drink and he paid, the paladin selected a table near the back of the crowded tavern that offered an excellent vantage point for people-watching. One table seemed immersed in a card game. Another group was swatting a wooden ball back and forth to each other. Still another seemed to be drinking out of each other’s glasses, all of which had a different drink in it. A fourth party was belting out a drinking song Kiran could only assume was a local one, as he’d never heard it before.  Several tables were covered in plates of food. He could overhear snippets of several conversations, all of which seemed to feature exchanges of local news, family news, comments on the holiday and the crowd and the frigid weather, and discussion of the king’s upcoming feast.

 

            Kiran heaved a long, low sigh, taking a swig. The ale was doing nothing to assuage his discomfiture, yet the worst misdeed he could see was hobbits sneaking food off the plates of relatives or friends. There was nobody lurking acting in a manner that suggested they were up to no good. Nobody was lurking near the box containing gold, silver, and copper, nor was anyone paying more attention to another patron of the tavern than they ought. People back in Northchester seemed to behave much worse.  Then again, his status as constable might skew his viewpoint, Kiran thought. He knew far too much about crime in his city.  He had yet to witness anything remotely resembling so much as a tavern brawl in Drémeadow.

 

            Not that life was perfect here. Kiran had learned of several things that did not sit well with him since the paladin had entered Drémeadow.  Firstly, there was the matter of the orc guards, which had troubled Kiran the instant he had seen them. When he’d inquired about their presence, he was told the orcs had been brought in after trouble with bandits in the southern region of the kingdom. Kiran also learned that the individual behind that decision, which he privately felt to be a bad idea, was an adviser named Jarmir Esteel.

 

 Esteel was another concern. Evidently, he had persuaded the king that the hobbits would be unable to defend themselves against foreign bandits unless they had assistance from larger and fiercer race than themselves, hence the presence of the orcs. Furthermore Jarmir Esteel was effectively steering Drémeadow into isolating itself. Kiran had overheard him discouraging the king from giving food to an elf nation that had suffered a loss of vegetation from fire, insisting that Drémeadow had been overly generous to other lands in the past and suggesting that other kingdoms were taking advantage of the kindness of Drémeadow and “exaggerating minor problems to garner sympathy.” Seeing him manipulating the ruler was enough to suggest that Esteel did not mean well. The paladin was now in a quandary over how to handle the situation. It hardly helped that Hrothgar Foxtrot was Drémeadow’s first-ever king. Drémeadow had been governed by an elected body called the Council that had been voted upon every four years from whenever it was founded until 3010 by the Standard Calendar, during which Drémeadow had converted to a monarchy after suffering over a decade of economic hardship and instability. Hrothgar, one of the most prominent and respected Councilors, had been selected in the Drémeadow Council’s final meeting, and thus the Foxtrots became the royal line.

 

A third worry was a matter regarding the royal family itself. When the paladin had entered the kingdom, he’d believed there were two princesses and two princes: 31-year-old Nora, 26-year-old Jillian, 22-year-old Odo, and 18-year-old Folco. However, Kiran had overheard a conversation between Folco and the unnerving Jarmir Esteel. In this exchange, during which the young prince had sounded a combination of nervous and defiant while the king’s adviser sounded almost amused, Esteel had superciliously uttered words Kiran could not shake from his head. “You really ought to be more careful, Folco Foxtrot. I daresay you wouldn’t want to end up like your sister, now, would you?” he had said. After Jarmir had left the cell in which the prince was to be locked for three days as retribution for a serious mishap that had nearly gotten a ten-year-old child killed, a deeply puzzled Kiran had entered and inquired about the conversation. Folco had responded with evasiveness. When pressed, he had told Kiran he was talking about Jillian. The young prince had also mentioned that the family archives. The next morning, Kiran accessed these and noticed that some of the records had been tampered with. He had also located a box that contained ribbons and medals related to archery, including one specifying a lass who had been sixteen in 3002. There was a major issue. Someone who was sixteen in 3002 would be twenty-eight or twenty-nine now. Neither known princess was that age.

 

When Kiran returned to tell Folco his findings, the young hobbit looked exceptionally uncomfortable. After gentle coaxing from the paladin, the youth muttered that he’d had a sister named Xenia who had died, then made him promise not to tell anyone at all he’d said anything. “It would greatly upset my parents. It was really hard on us all, you have no idea…” the prince said in an odd voice. “Don’t bring my sister up or mention her to anyone. Please.”

 

Kiran still wondered about the truth of Folco’s claim. There was no sign of an untimely death among the documents. However, he’d tactfully chosen not to press the matter, believing that if Folco was misrepresenting the matter in any way it was not out of malicious intent. He could not, however, repress the feeling that there was a lot more to the story of Xenia Foxtrot than her younger brother was willing or permitted to tell. Regardless, the paladin hoped to learn more, particularly since Jarmir Esteel had obviously reminded the young prince of what had happened to the girl in order to intimidate him. What was Xenia’s story? Why was her youngest brother so reluctant to speak of her?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Kiran finished his ale, he returned to the Halfling palace, intending to inquire whether there he might assist with preparations for the feast. He’d been granted free rein in the palace, so the paladin did not need to go through any of the king’s staff to talk to Hrothgar. He paused at the door of the king’s study, seeing that the four sons and daughters were standing in front of their father’s desk. The older three were dutifully nodding, but the youngest looked frustrated.

 

“Father!”  the young prince complained, throwing his hands up. “You never said we had to be doing stuff all day!”

 

The harried king raised both eyebrows at his son before his golden brown eyes met Kiran’s. He held up one hand, mouthing “one moment, please” before returning a sharp gaze to his child. “Folco. You knew there was to be a major banquet tonight. You have known this for a long while. You are perfectly aware that when we have major events, you are expected to be assisting with tasks related to the event. Stop…”

 

 “I helped to bring extra chairs all the way from the other side of Hardscrabble this morning!” interjected the adolescent. He was met with a stern look.

“Folco. Your sisters and brother are accepting their duties without complaint. They, too, have other things they prefer doing, yet they are doing their share to ensure everything goes smoothly. I need you to do the same. Furthermore, we have a guest waiting to speak with me, and you are being indecorous.”

 

“But…”

 

“Silence!” Folco fell quiet. “As I told you before, give as much help in the kitchen as is needed.”

 

“But Lindo and Linda have a whole bunch of their cousins over from the Hills East! The other Riverses, the Shores AND the Gladdens! I haven’t seen their cousins since September! They’re only here until tomorrow and  I promised Lindo I’d drop by to visit with them all. It’s not like I’ll be able to during the feast since obviously I have to be with the family for that! This is sounf-”

 

Hrothgar Foxtrot rubbed the skin over his left temple hard, glowering. “What is unfair is how you are currently wasting valuable preparation time by acting like a petulant child. You will need to explain to your friend that you have obligations to the family and Drémeadow that currently supersede your plans. Do I make myself clear?” The adolescent grudgingly nodded, biting back a retort. “Now then. You all have my leave to go help where I told you. That includes you, Folco Foxtrot.”

 

The young Foxtrots all inclined their heads towards their father- Folco was still scowling- and departed the room. Kiran inclined his own head as they passed before entering the study. Once inside, Kiran gave a respectful bow. “Your Majesty.”

 

“Good afternoon, Kiran,” Hrothgar said, sounding weary. He rubbed a hand unconsciously against his temple, pushing age-loosened skin upwards. “How is your day so far? How may I be of assistance?”

 

“It is well, thanks, Your Majesty,” replied Kiran. “I was just wondering whether I might be of assistance in any way, since I know you have much to do to prepare for tonight?”

 

The king delivered a small smile. “Everything is proceeding well for now. I apologize for my son’s misbehavior, by the way, he knows he ought not to conduct himself as he did just now. We will need help with welcoming the lines into the Great Hall, and ensuring that everyone is in their proper place in line, for that matter. I do not doubt there will be hobbits who believe they could enter sooner than their place number, nor that there will be some who will attempt to sneak in. “

 

“I would be happy to help, Your Highness.”

 

The king gave an appreciative nod, and then commenced explaining what the paladin was to do. “There are 285 numbers. It was checked and double-checked to ensure there are no duplicates or missing numbers. In my guest instructions, I informed them that they would be in danger of losing their place if they lost their placecards. There is to be another line for anyone who wishes to enter but did not get a place or who has lost their card. There is a list of who corresponds to what number, so if someone gives both their name and number, whoever has the line they’re in can check and make sure the name and claimed number correspond to one other. If the guest claims not to remember their missing number, they will have no choice but to go in the line for people who are not guaranteed entry. Do you understand me?”

 

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

 

“Do you need me to repeat the information?”

 

“I just want to make sure I heard right, sire,” Kiran said. “So the cards from one through 285, and every number has a name with it on a list we will be given? Everyone must stand in numerical order and show their place cards or correctly state their name and number?”

 

“That is correct,” replied King Hrothgar. “The list of who has what number will be given to you when the lines start. I have instructed my queen and children to be ready at five-thirty for the lines to start at six. I know people will try to come early, but my guards will not permit them onto the grounds until we are ready for them to do so. Do you have any questions?”

 

“No, Your Majesty.”

 

“Excellent,” said the king. “Thank you. You have my leave to go.”

 

Kiran exited the room with a bow. He was thinking that he would briefly visit Nont’im at the nearby inn in which the cleric was staying when he noticed Folco talking to a hobbit who looked to be somewhere from his late thirties to his forties. The hobbit was gesturing towards the kitchen, and he caught the phrase “in your stead”. Kiran immediately gathered that the older hobbit was offering to take over Folco’s post in the kitchens.

 

“I don’t know, my father said I must…” Folco said dubiously, his dark brown eyes wandering longingly towards the main entrance of the palace.

 

“I will tell your father if he comes in that I offered to take your place, Your Highness,” the older hobbit replied, unconsciously running his hand through his graying hair. “If you wish, I will assure him that you were properly carrying your weight before I came in and noticed that you looked tired and needed a break. You did have an archery tournament two days ago and spent all day yesterday traveling all over Drémeadow delivering placecards to speed up the post’s process, did you not, if I remember what your mother said correctly? And were you not fetching chairs today because there was nobody on the staff who could because they had other tasks?”

 

Folco nodded, then crinkled his brow. “Are you sure, Kirk? Didn’t you just get back from a journey abroad? Don’t you want to rest?”

 

Kirk shook his head. “Thank you, Your Highness, but I’m not tired. Besides, I know you to be an honorable sort of fellow who does not generally renege on promises to friends.”

 

Folco beamed. “Very well then. Thanks! I owe you one!” he said brightly before running towards the main door leading out of the Halfling palace. He stopped a few feet from this exit, calling over his shoulder, “Send word if you need my help, will you? The Riverses and I will not be far from the palace. Lindo said something about his siblings- they’re younger- wanting to play Hide and Seek and this area will be far better than downtown, which is bound to be crowded, or his place. More places to hide.” He turned to directly face Kirk. “Anyway, send word.”

 

“Naturally, Your Highness,” the hobbit called Kirk said, sweeping through the door to the kitchens with an oddly eager spring to his step that the paladin attributed to holiday merriment. Prince Folco gave Kiran a nod of acknowledgement and a small grin before hastening towards the exit to join his friend Lindo.

 

Author's Note

Author’s note: The term “hobbit” is borrowed from Tolkien. A few minor details, namely things like names of gods, were borrowed for Dungeons and Dragons. The borrowed details will disappear once we devise our own names. Also, is this too long? Too much exposition? Did I repeat myself on anything too much? I’ll greatly appreciate any reviews leaving advice on improving the story!

Reviews

[Craig2591]

I think this is written well and saw no obvious errors. Good description. The characters seem believable. My only problem is with the orcs. Unless I missed something, they seemed to appear halfway through this chapter from out of nowhere. Also, as a huge Tolkien fan, I picture orcs as evil. What are they doing at this banquet?

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

What are they doing there indeed (= They are quite evil. I may add a chapter or two before this one where Kiran specifically asks about them after noticing them. I've been thinking about some buildup, though may need a new hook if I add that chapter or two. You have a very good point though

[Craig2591]

At this point I don't know what you have in mind, but if you just show him wondering to himself about the orcs and then explain their presence in a later chapter it might be a quick and easy fix.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Good idea, especially since the incidents I'm thinking of, for most part, don't do much more than show more depth to the characters' personalities, though there are a couple of things Kiran shrugs off at time that transpire to be of paramount significance as he realizes in hindsight.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

I'm trying out this paragraph: Kiran was grateful none of the orc guards were out here dealing with incoming partygoers. He’d known about and felt disquieted by their presence ever since he’d entered Drémeadow. King Hrothgar, when asked, had told him his advisor Jarmir Esteel had suggested the orcs. Jarmir’s reasoning was that orcs were bigger and thus useful for protecting Drémeadow denizens in ways his own race could not- through brute strength- but he was far from satisfied. Though none of the orcs had done anything, he did not trust them. He could not forget the way their eyes had malevolently followed him after they noticed the holy symbol of his god. Then there were the various horror stories about orcs around the continent to consider, not to mention his own personal experiences. Presumably the orcs in the employ of Drémeadow’s king were better behaved than most, as Kiran had seen no signs of wanton destruction, but it seemed too good to be true that the orcs were refraining from trouble. Orcs were notoriously difficult to control. What was keeping them from acting like orcs?

[Craig2591]

Perfect! It explains a lot.

[Oberon Duke]

As a former childhood devotee of Mr. Tolkien, this is a lot of fun. :) I didn't notice any obvious grammatical errors or major problems with the writing style. No complaints here. I'm definitely looking forward to continuing this story!

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Thanks so much!

[Skai Rain]

Just the thought of hobbit guards makes me giggle. Then in their little suits of armor, standing all tough. Your wording is brilliant and you paint a picture so vivid that there is no confusion as to the setting. I like how this is set in the future, when most stories with this feel are set around a Medieval period. Great work! I look forward to reading more.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Yass, they're probaly just soooo, cute! xD

[Larry Dyson]

wordsmith you are..! will read a lot this week..ty for introducing me to your books..!

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Thanks so much! [=

[C. Rose]

Folco's story about the actors freaking everyone out cracked me up.
Very dramatic. You've surely got your reader's attention.
I hope everyone gets out okay.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Yeah, here's hoping! Well, you already know the outcome xP

I wish I'd reread this review before revising; I actually changed hisstory (now in chapter 2) to a half-truth where he says something went wrong with food (but omits specificthat his mother was poisoned) Which do you think sounds more plausible for convincing the guards, since they end up opening the gate to let people "leave early"?

[C. Rose]

I think the actors story explains why the people leaving will be hurried and nervous. If there was something wrong with the food, I feel like people wouldn't run - they would complain - and that wouldn't explain why people looked frightened.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

What if I have both, where he comments on the food, then goes into the "actors"?

[C. Rose]

"did he care about his proving his innocence."

[C. Rose]

Sorry about lots of little reviews, but with such a long chapter it's easier for me to submit one line of editing before I forget it and then go back to reading.

[Kuandio]

I reviewed one of your chapters about hobbits a long time ago, but it seems it was a different story. Coming back now, I see that you have improved quite a bit all around in your craft.

Using the word silos gets me thinking about missiles, and this is a more medieval story

You might want to hone in on someone's pov near the beginning, and you wouldn't have to alter the description much to do that. As it is, it's kind of an omniscient intro, and somewhat throughout.

The characters don't feel quite like we are anchored through him, but a narrator's voice is giving more info through him instead of his own filter

Getting to the part where the queen dies brought my attention back completely

Overall there is interesting political intrigue between races. Though it is hard to believe that they wouldn't detain the human. The sudden action between the guards and the human is a little unclear

It is unique that there is a kingdom of hobbits, instead of just villages like in LOTR

I think you could be a little more creative in your descriptions. Not doing so at times actually leads to explaining more, and using more adverbs which can be reduced

Let it sit for a time, then go back over it. I know you will continue to improve it. You are a hard worker from what I gather

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

I tried to do some tweaking to ground it in Kiran. Definitely harder to anchor in one character for introductory chapter, but shall definitely work on honing into Kiran's mind!

[Kuandio]

looking back at my review, I'm afraid maybe I sounded too harsh. I'll try to point our more strengths in the future

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Nah, I hope to be published one day. As I like saying, have no mercy for publishers won't [=

I think you're right in that I can be neglectful or overly to-the-point, so to say, in the descriptions- perhaps because of my own preferences as a reader. I grow quickly bored with description overload, though I know some is necessary.

I also tried to go into a bit as to why he's being booted and detained in what is now the next chapter (I divided the chapter because length). It is medieval, but there are some modern elements, mostly in things like the strong presence of international relations and the existence of international law

[C. Rose]

"... I don't need you wasting anymore of my time.
(Missing end quotation mark.

[C. Rose]

"I would never do commit such a crime" Kiran made a typo. Bad Kiran. This was his first one.

[NoelHC]

He tries to remember to refer to them by the term the race prefers but old habits die hard.

Or "Old hobbits die hard." OK sorry, couldn't resist.

Shades of George R R Martin, killing off royalty in the first chapter, by poisoning.

I don"t have much to add as regards edits, I see C. Rose has done an admirable job of that. Personally in hobbit tales, I think the reader is accustomed to, and expecting to see archaic words, and a more complex vocabulary, so that part didn't bother me.

A good start to a tale, i will have to look at the rest of this soon.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Hahaha, so true, old habits (hobbits! XD) definitely die hard. I'm glad you both noticed my interchanging terms and knew why I did it! Kiran's usually a very diplomatic sort (as I hopefully showed) and prefers to always have good manners, and he knows they consider the term "Halfling" patronizing at best and outright insulting at worst.

(If you notice me have a hobbit thinking Halfling in another chapter and it's not in the sense f "these a*****e humans need to stop calling me a Halfling, i'm not half of anything", definitely call me out on it!)

C. Rose is awesome, and I enjoy her work a lot. Definitely check her out if you're not already familiar with her as an author! [= I still have to apply her advice once I have a length of time to sit down and do hardcore revision, but it's very sound!

Please feel free to RR any books or stories you have that I haven't already reviewed [=

[Mila]

This was really good and I was so into it, I didn't even notice any actual errors that jumped out at me. Honestly it was like reading a novel in my hands; it flowed so nicely and the candence was steady when it needed to be and quick as well. That's still a quality I'm tinkering with and quite haven't gotten the hang of so hats off to you! I can't wait to read the rest!!

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Thanks so much, Mira! BTW, please feel free to RR me a story or book you want people to check out and I'll have it sitting there until I get to reading and reviewing!

A poem could work too but I'd need a message as well so I don't ignore it, I'm not usually a big poetry fan (I'm not the most helpful reviewer with poetry either) [=