No Use Dead (FF #4)

This was written for the group Friday Fictioneers. This is a scene about my character Folco that did not make it into "Fallen Ones" (a bit dark)

                Folco seized his deadened leg, curling up. It’d warm him. Maybe.

                The door opened. He stared into several guards’ pitiless eyes, insides freezing.

                “Look, he didn’t eat lunch,” one commented, indicating potato peels and murky “water.”

                “Guess he won’t need supper after the conversation. Leftovers to eat.”

                “Bet he reckons we poisoned it!” another chortled.

“Why would we? We need him to talk. No use dead.”

                An orc seized his good leg, dragging him along the floor. Stone grated his back. “Come, Your Highness, we’ve just got a few questions for you. Cooperate, it ends fast. If not… more fun.”

Author's Note

Had this scene been written into my book "Fallen Ones", it would have taken place after the chapter called "The Tyrant and the Traitor" and before the events of "Slip of the Tongue."

Reviews

[Mila]

Nice FF with this one. I love how you can use so few words to write a riveting tale.

[NoelHC]

I agree with Jim, this may be a good end to the relevant chapter.

[Spaceman26]

Woooh! Creepy! Gave me the chill bumps a little hehe. I love the way you write, it's very unique!

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Thanks so much! Yeah, the character (Folco Foxtrot) is in a horrific situation indeed!

[Nusquam Esse]

Just a little snippet, so it is hard to really judge the content, but the descriptions seem to be solid. My main recommendation is to make the sentences flow and skip better, and with more purpose. This feels a bit disjointed. Try incorporating semi-colons to bridge independent clauses that have a lot in common, so that the sentences flow better. And then use hyphens to connect the shorter bits such as 'maybe'. Learn how different punctuations 'feel' when read aloud; and then practice reading your work aloud using this. It is amazing how much sentence structure and punctuation choice can contribute to flow in a story.

[jjwilbourne]

this is short. I think it would be cool as a line break at the end of a chapter. add some suspense.

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Thanks for the idea! Yah, I'm right at the Friday Fictioneers maximum of 100 words (not sure if you're a member of that group, but if not, I advise checking it out!)

[Gracious]

well this definitely sent chills through me and I had a connection to the character even without context! Thank you very much and just know that you're in the running for the contest

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Awww, thanks so much!