Agony

A Poem by therapy

He asked me what agony felt like and how you’d define it.

I said to him:

“It’s like a significant piece of you has been ripped out, never to be replaced again. You suddenly become alone and detached from the universe. It feels like poison is constantly being fed to you and you’re just frozen, unable to stop the pain. You feel lost and confused, can’t tell right from wrong.

In that moment when you experience this uncontrollable pain, it’s like your life poses as fine delicate china and then it just shatters into millions of pieces. As many times as you try to put the pieces together, the cracks will still be visible. It’ll be impossible to locate every single piece, so you just give up and let it go.

At times you feel like its just sending you silent taunting messages, that’ll continuously ring in your ears, you’ll feel no control over it and it won’t stop.”

As I looked up I saw innocence in his eyes fading away, as those dark orbs burned into mine. I noticed something in his eyes, a glass layer was forming, yet he remained in his stance. His eyes grazing into mine soaking in the words I just spilled out. Just by the way his gaze suddenly shifted, and he cowered his head. I realized that he deeply understood what I said.

That little shift in his orbs bought me to the realization that this boy, with the killer eyes and breathtaking smile, has experienced and felt this pain more than once in his life and it broke him down. He’s been shattered and is trying to pick up the pieces.

His next movement left me unprepared, he had his arms wrapped around me and he pulled me in close. His actions said it all, he was terrified as much as I was. I don’t know if he hugged me cause he was hurting or he knew that so was i.

That silent gesture was for both us.