That Girl is Me.

The eyes of this girl stare at me
I feel so bare my thoughts so naked
Through my souls they can see
Her own memories in my mind so vivid

I search her eyes for a sense of feeling
But theres nothing there they seem so empty
There's no look there for my stealing
Suddenly they turn beastly

The rage thrashing through her brown eyes
A certain wildness I wouldnt have believed
Searching for something as her mind flies
I've never seen something as this be

This girl she prays for death
As her brown eyes close
And she takes her last breath
She is lost along with her ghosts.

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

Hmm... You could improve this more by tweaking it a bit, I suggest starting with rephrasing many of the lines, such as changing "This girl she prays for death," to "This girl prays for death," see what I mean? Anyhoo, you're mind is in the right place, but the way you phrase it could be improved. You are a majestic writer, you just need to strive for more improved skills. Well done.