I do not feel sadness; I just do not feel.

I do not feel sadness, I do not feel despair.

 

I just do not feel.

I do not feel angry, or anxious. I just do not feel.

I do not feel like getting out of bed in the morning, I do not feel like eating. I do not feel like brushing my teeth. I do not feel like going to work; I do not feel like interacting with people.

I do not feel tired; I do not feel like sleeping. I do not feel like I am a human being that is capable of feeling emotion. 

I simply just do not feel. 

Anything.

Then, at random, I just feel.

Everything. 

A wave of sadness, a wave of despair.

No, not a wave. A tsunami. An overwhelming, colossal wave of painful emotions drowning me before I have the chance to realise what is going on.

It engulfs me. It throws me under its current; it holds me there. I can’t breathe, it hurts too much. I can’t swim up for air, the current is too strong. I am too tired. I am too weak. I just drown; slowly, painfully, helplessly. 

After a slow, painful death, I feel nothing again.

I am flung between nothing and everything; that is my existence.

That is how depression feels. It feels like nothing, and, everything.

Reviews

[keith]

the realization 'i did not cause this' is an important step to management and it appears you are there.
a stark revelation your words are ... so well done

[Karmee]

I suffer from depression, I can really feel this write

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

That truly is how depression feels. I myself am manic depressive and have been most of my life. The words in this very well constructed piece of poetry resonate with me. I constantly live in this state. You have done a remarkable job describing what it is like to live with depression.