A Story by Eli Blayze




















I'm sitting here now, typing this little story. My mind is racing. I can hardly contain myself. I can't focus on a single thought. I can't understand why. Whyare they yelling at me? I didn't do anything. I can't stop from shaking my leg. I'm begining to see the shadow people again. They want to hurt me.


"Hello again." They laugh as all in harmony, all in sync. They are closing in around me, the four of them. They are called, Murder, Suicide, Death, and Hell. All surrounding me.


I've never known why they've always been drawn to me. But I hate it. I hate when they visit. "TAKE YOUR LIFE! You're worthless!" Suicide yells into my brain. I grab my ears and yell. Grandma walks by and looks at me oddly.


"WHY DON'T YOU SEE THEM!" I yell at her. She jumps back in shock, disbelief. I lose sight of her as Murder comes into my line of view. He laughs. I cringe and try to hit him. My arm goes right through his shawdowy being.


"Kill her! Kill the old hag!" He laughs again. It is laughing the sounds as if my ear drums are going to blow! He won't stop laughing!


"Everyone dies sometime!" Death yells loudly, he keeps yelling it over and over again. I can't take this!


"WHY ME?!GOD PLEASE HELP ME!" I can hardly type as they torture me so.


A laugh so menicing, so vile, so spine-tingling.


"God's turned his back on you!" Hell continues to laugh! I can't take it!


I can't continue to type this anymore! I have to make the voices stop!

I'm shaking, sobbing, frightened. Lord why!


They are too close to me now! They are dancing around me and the computer.

I need to getthis all out.

Mom, I love you.! I wisht you wer here now... Plz save me from them!

Hell Death Murder Suicide.

Can't see.

Darkness falling, eyes.... Tears.



© 2011 Eli Blayze

Author's Note

Eli Blayze
The improper grammar and spelling are no accident. Enjoy (:
Also, since you've taken the time to read this; why not take a few more seconds to give me a few words?

My Review

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This is amazing. This could very well be exactly what someone sees, or thinks they see, when they've finally lost control of their sanity. I could feel the panic and fear throughout the whole story as if I were the one experiencing it for myself. Well done!

Posted 11 Years Ago

Oh wow, that's, I don't even know words for it. Horrible, sad, terrible, scary, all that jazz. It really kept me reading wondering what the person was going to do. It's a great story, and read. Thanks for the RR.

Posted 11 Years Ago

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This is a nice read! The story teller is expressed quite well. His/her desperation, panic, fear are genuine. I really like to hear more of Suicide, Murder, Death, and Hell characters. No need to give individual descriptions, the reader can fill that up. Instead, give them more to show how evil they are. It would be great to read about how they temp the character and do all sots of stuff and really push him/her to the limit. More emotions on how he/she struggles would be nice. Maybe, the character sees them in the computer screen and kept pressing the same letter/s to ward them off or something like that. And please give Grandma something to do. You mentioned her and she simply disappeared. Perhaps she walks to the character and the character sees her as the four or something like that. I know you can figure something out. Please send me a message if you decided to rewrite this piece. I would love to read it. Enjoy writing! XD


Posted 11 Years Ago

WOW... This was very real, and relatable to some extent.
The improper grammar/spelling just adds to the desperation of this piece, however maybe caps lock or italics could work? Hm, I don't think it's that important anyway with such a dark piece.
A very powerful write, great work!

Posted 11 Years Ago

I take it you have this "disorder", shall we call it? Very well written. However, the multiple ?????? and !!!!!!!! ruins the story. I suggest one or two, or even italicizing the words would get it through your readers' thick skulls :D

Posted 11 Years Ago

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5 Reviews
Added on July 27, 2011
Last Updated on July 28, 2011
Tags: schizophrenia, suspense, thrill, holy hell


Eli Blayze
Eli Blayze

Pittsburgh , PA

Hey there! Thank you for stopping by! I am just an unknown aspiring author who. Barely gets time to write anymore. I used to post on this site in high school. It’s crazy to look back and bar.. more..

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