love on the other side

This is a charecter i made up no connections to real life

I feel cold and empty

lost

i emerge from a deep sleep i thought i was going to die but i lived i look down at my body im in a white robe, PAIN rushes through me i hear an alarm people rush into the room im confused, whats happening the pain is gone they say im stable i feel the cold needle probed into me its blood a relief the emptyness is fading blood going through my vanes so sweet and warm i study my suroundings everthing white im in the hospital the docter steps next to me he spots me awake and ask's "are you ok" i nod my head in releif he explains the reason im in hear " you fainted onto the floor, your heart stopped for five minutes the girl you were next to did cpr, she saved your life" i remember now damit, what am i going to do i need more blood to stop this from happening wh.... I see her she is staring at me through the window eyes wide open happy to see me. i sigh, i dont want to hert her but i will if i carry on like this i have to go to late she's in, no going back now . to late for her.

Reviews

[Blood.Red.Nobodies]

Six lines down: It is "veins" not "vanes"
Seven lines down: Doctor not docter
Eight lines down: Here not hear
Ten lines down: D****t not damit

I think this is the best part of the whole story but I felt compelled to correct the spelling errors... I think there were some in the first two parts but I didn't check. I love this idea:D I just wish it was set up like a regular book so I could read it more easily:P

[heartbrake]

f**k you all i dont use caps and spaces becouse i write from the heart not from the goddam english writing scheme so f**k you

[The Half-Blood Princes]

Woah, kid, periods are not evil. Neither is any form of punctuation, grammar or spell check system.
This 'story' is uncomprehensable due to the one long run on sentence. It jumps from action to action with no description or defining character moments. It's literally unreadable.
-Half Blood Princes

[mortyhound]

this was a wonderful story involving the technique of hurt

[Cody Wiggins]

not to shabby. needs work. i am not sure its all that easy to understand. use more descriptive words. more imagery. helps the reader stay focused and understand