Mind On Fire [Pharoah]

Mind On Fire [Pharoah]

A Story by Tony

An example of writing for personal therapy and clarification.


I'm just going to get a couple of things off my mind here ...... I am spread too far out, and in my insanity, I become frightened and preoccupied if I feel like I haven't made the whole world aware of the mechanics of my madness. So if you like that sort of thing, and looking at exquisite images of immense inspiration, that I have carefully borrowed or stolen from here, there, and probably there, though I cannot be sure.....

well, carry on then, Friend! 


I spend some time watching mainstream media, and internet radio and Vlogs of varying 'mainstream' association, at random. I also cross examine anything that provokes me, to the level 'fanatic', and I do not allow things like 'reputation' or 'social obligation', or any form of preconception, presumption, assumption, or authorization discourage me from going, like a Lazer, directly in trajectory for the heart of cualquier matter.

[In without Knocking' CharlesRussell]

I do not debate with unarmed opponents, anymore, I only did it before to hone my confrontation and diplomacy skills. I've always known that in debate, at least any worthwhile, there are no runner ups. And I didn't know it then, but I do now, that the manifestation of suspicions I've always had, have drawn my soul out of the very marrow of my bones.     For the ability to Proclaim It, I will never compromise myself, or anyone else, by bringing a rock, to a gunfight.

I will do everything in my power to prove, if noone else will and sometimes people do, that I am just another waste of space marijuano that lost the race, and am going hither and thither, shouting out of my psychosis and paranoia. 

I don't miss a chance to show me how stupid I am, and how much of a failure I am where Intuition is concerned. In this way, I've covered my side of the debate, and theirs, and if someone wants to get in the ring with me, well, pack a lunch. 

[When Blackfoot and Crow Meet' CharlesRussell]

Because once I realized the Truth, about even just the little things, like my inclination to mind expansion, and reckless and irresponsible, unstable behavior ... well, you see, with a moment of contemplation, that Alaric, could be an example of a man possessed by Satan. Or pick your fav0rite evil entity, I just use Beelzebub,Legion,Nick,Diablo .. the Devil, because that allegory was the one I am most familiar with. 

I mean, I have all the symptoms, smiling too much and laughing and saying 'Bullshit!'' at innapropriate times, not being gainfully employed and well set in the community. sworn to Fun loyal to None, my god! he Uses drugs, often, and Oh My God! doesn't care if you know, and makes clear he is Delighted, and in no way Debilitated. I mean, wouldn't you have to have a demon to have that kind of tolerance?

Oh! the HorRoR!!

[4 Scouts' CharlesRussell]

I tell you truly, it matters not whether I'm a Devil or a patriot or a fisher of men, because the Truth, is the Truth, even, in a minority of One.

If it sounds like I'm bragging, I'm not. I have no reason to brag, and it is below me, intellectually.

I say these things only because, sometimes, I get the reward of someone understanding the point I'm getting at, and I get a lot of pleasure out of watching a clever mind, awakened, start twitching and expanding. 

It is priceless, it is Exquisite to witness someone Realize the value of Ownership, or the truth behind 7%Growth. And while it is a horrific shock, sometimes, these Realizations, or Acknowledgments ... well, did you ever hear the roaring of Adrenalin in your ears, and break out in a giggle, uncontrolled, after coming within inches or seconds of getting mowed over by a bus or something?

That's what it feels like, after the Shock wears off.

I'm Serious!

[Paigans getting ready to steal horses from the Crow]

What material or human desire or want or thing could compare to the intention of changing the flavor of the day? I am thus, pleased to do as I feel as I say.


People have actually watched me, dixiefried on fifthgen Kush, performing work that is so difficult that it reduces grown men to tirades, tantrums, and even tears, and I daydream and make it look like my gramma could handle it.

"Easy Money?" they would ask .. ''you reek of the evil weed, and your eyes are ablaze .... how do you Function?"

The question, actually, is why don't they function? Isn't it? well, there's your mind at work, realizing that I'm a million miles away while my body goes through the motions, and I'm sure many can relate to this.

I function because there was never any Division from just doing it.

Can't, as it turns out, never could do anything, and ain't it a marvel?

.Employee 497 couldn't function, even 'straight', because of his Reservations, his Divisions, his preconceived notions and comparisons. These are written into his indoctrination, so as to keep him busy while he's being Used and Abused.

[The Horrific Naval Battle of Sinop

Intention, and Balance, facilitate Experience, which of course, is King

. My God, is evidenced in Motion, and Rest, and I Am has the control, according to most accepted, and even non accepted, belief systems.

 I read every page, and every foot note, and check random source, and I never choose a 'side'. Ever. No human ever achieved anything of note if there was even a whisper of such Obligation. It is the Nemesis of Spiritual, and Physical Power.

I will not be tricked to opt in this way. It would be less than Exemplary of me, if I didn't also make a Key Point, now:

If you think it isn't a form of control that is employed, in the Now,  to the point of Ubiquitous, well, .. you may want to smoke one [1] gram of something that makes your hair fly back or skirt fly up, or that you are 'not allowed',  and seek professional Oracle attention ... 

 [The Pirates of BajaCalifornia]

I know I say horrible things, and one can tell i'm not joking even if I am. But I want to, just so I'm sure I said it in front of everyone .. [arrogantly, watch as I pretend the entire world is waiting in desperation to hear the detailed descriptions of my vast psyche]

But I would never intentionally harm anything, and if people don't like me, well ... you just don't know me.

There, now I can rest, knowing that even if the entire world thinks I'm a pessimistic old bag of gas, I said what I said, and I ain't sayin it again.

I'm a horse trader, not a goddamn doctor.


                                   [kid smoking nonfilter]


© 2013 Tony

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Added on December 10, 2013
Last Updated on December 10, 2013



Mexico...... Tan Lejos

I am a guy, 49. I am spirit residing in a carbon based life form. The god I know can be found in motion and rest. I live in Mexico because it's very free, and community still means something. .. more..

Born Again Born Again

A Story by Tony

~Onceter~ ~Onceter~

A Story by Tony