Neighbors

Cars drive by as living entities,

their headlights piercing paths;

entombed in humming breaths.

A deer breathes raggedly,

waiting to pass;

No, not now

Let me wait

A friend leaps…

There is no choice but to follow.

Next door the pond is oblivious

to the tragedies;

it faces an existential crisis of its own.

A fog wisps like angel wings,

pardoning no one.

The pond contains the life,

but allows the blood to mix.

The water is split, pierced, obliterated,

but is never allowed to escape.

In the center of everything,

the ripples just

resonate

Author's Note

Any interpretation? Haha

Reviews

[H L Rose]

This is an interesting concept. The title really stands out for the theme. There’s something provoking about these two tragedies going unnoticed by “neighbors”.

I like the personification of cars in the beginning. I especially like the line “entombed in humming breaths”.

I find it interesting that you did not further specify the tragedy that the second stanza refers to. I think it’s a creative move that forces the reader to interact with the writing.

I thought the imagery of the last stanza was great. “The water is split, pierced, obliterated” is my favorite line.

The line “the frog wisps like angle wings” is a bit confusing. Im not exactly sure of what is trying to be conveyed. I think perhaps “wisps” is not the word your looking for”. I’m not sure if “existential” is the exact words your going for iether. The meaning seems a bit difficult to connect to the concept, but I could be wrong about both of these things of course. I’m no expert.

Overall I really enjoyed the read!

[CBH]

I love your insight on this! My poetry is very interpretative, so reading it certain ways will definitely confuse people...that's my specialty ;)

[H L Rose]

I'm glad !

[LazerRays]

Hmm. The deer died huh. Ah. Too bad. I like how you make the blood mix with the pond. Is this a cut scene from Watership Down? Hahaha jk. Nice nice nice. This was very much enjoyed

[CBH]

Now I'm curious, what's Watership Down? Thank you for your comment, I find it interesting that you focused in on the deer, I think many readers tended to look over that. Glad you enjoyed it!

[LazerRays]

Watership Down was that 80s movie with the rabbits. The one that was so violent it's now a PG-13 movie even though it used to be G... Parents complained because of how disturbing it was and the age group it was aimed at. They remade it into a less violent version but the original scarred tons of 80s kids. Including my older siblings... Poor siblings... My parents didn't know how violent it was.
Let's see it has (in a rated G movie)
Bloody dog maulings,
Rabbits getting shot,
Bloody rabbit fights,
Bloody visions with blood lakes,
A vision of bloody rabbits filling tunnels,
Bloody wounded rabbits,
A cat attack on a rabbit (bloody)
A hawk killing a rabbit (bloody)
A rabid scary evil rabbit that is also covered in blood.
A vision of the fields being covered in blood,
The whole movie is literally about not being killed... Eek.

[CBH]

Oh my gosh! That sounds like something my father would force me to watch as a child... No, definitely not what I aimed for but thanks for letting me know :)

[LazerRays]

loooooool! hahahahaahahaaha same with my father (but thank god for my mother- she wouldve stopped him, hes kinda a father who doesnt realize these things)

[CBH]

My dad just would've thought it was funny... he's gotten my 4 year old brother to say that Jeepers Creepers is his favorite movie now...thank god I was smart enough as a child to never trust his movie choices! Lol, we all turned out okay. It was nice to meet you!

[LazerRays]

Yeah well my dads idea of fun with the kids is to gather us around and hold hands. Then he'd grab the electric fence (I live on a farm) and see who got shocked the most.... He also let us climb in the bucket of his tractor and he'd raise it to the top of a tree and we'd climb off in there... Hmmm.... Hahaha nice to meet you too! See you around ;)

[Chris]

One or the other or both didn't quite make it across unscathed BUT a body (or both) landed within a pond on the side of the road and the ripples resonated...

OR

Perhaps a fish swimming in the murky waters noticed a momentary brightening that highlighted a prey suitable for snacking BUT after a single bite the recurring darkness re-hid the victim and left the fish to ponder its own frailty before it continued its leisurely hunt for dinner.

OR

chuckling here - there ARE so many paths to wander ...and wonder, ya know?

[CBH]

My main purpose in writing abstract poetry is to make the mind strain in figuring out potential hidden meanings...I'm glad it made you think! If there was one true focus, it would be no fun!
Thank you for the review,
-Cassidy

[Chris]

Nice meeting you... chris

[Erin Langley]

I loved all of the words you used to describe everything. Very well written!

[CBH]

Thanks! I've been expanding my vocabulary

[Manu]

No matter what happens in life, it goes on. Life doesn't stop. Tragedies take place but nothing can affect the construct of existence. Things keep on happening everywhere but people don't bother to change.
I like how you crafted this write.
Beautifully written poem. This is a wonderful write, CBH.
I really liked this one.

[CBH]

Thank you so much!