My World

My World

A Poem by Sunflower 20
"

This is me expressing the one question that I can never answer: what is the purpose of war? It was inspired by a song called Heart of Courage, by Two Steps From Hell

"

My world

When the stars shine, and hope fills the air,

Love will keep us together, no matter what.

I will stand by you with every fibre of my being fighting for Justice.

And in the smoking debris of what was once a city,

I stumble to my feet watching the once beautiful stars erupt in clouds of blackened smoke.

My body is unwilling to move, damaged by war.

But I know I must go on, I must search this blazing earth for the last remaining love,

You.

So with hope in my heart, I march on alone searching for you, unwilling to give in.

Because I know some where out there,

You will be waiting for me.

And this, this sad story,

This is the reality of

My world.

© 2010 Sunflower 20


Author's Note

Sunflower 20
okay, well I have no idea how I wrote this (it was a spur of the moment thing) so just take that into acount when reveiwing, thanks. :)

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Featured Review

wow this was amazing work, i just loved this. it's amazing how inspiration can suddenly strike, right? this poem is testament to that.
i sure like the flow of this poem a lot, this was very powerful and strong. that feeling of justice just manifests itself in this poem. in my opinion this was by far the strongest lines in the poem:
"But I know I must go on, I must search this blazing earth for the last remaining love,

You."
that one-word line hit hardest of all in this poem. you could make this even better by perhaps making some of the long lines into smaller separate lines, like
"So with hope in my heart,
I march on alone searching for you,
unwilling to give in."
instead of putting it all into one long line. that will make the reader feel the impact of each and every phrase.
great work here!
PS. I listened to the song as well. awesome! no wonder you were inspired!
READ, WRITE AND REVIEW

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Really good!! I like it

Posted 9 Years Ago


This is really good :) i like the build of the poem and last last to lines "This is the reality of, My world. That's really good.

Fallen

Posted 9 Years Ago


I like this girl's quest, her search to find meaning in life and soul to rest herself..Her longing is heartfelt and her state , seriously modified by war , is aching to say the least.. I have liked your stories, now I enjoyed reading your poem..Good write Sunflower..

Posted 9 Years Ago


It seems to me that this is how the girl perceives her world; she is searching her heart and can't find anything but the darkened cold she has experienced in her life.
I love the poem (and spur of the moment type stuff) I think it shows the character of a lot of people in the world right now thinking that there is nothing left for them


Posted 9 Years Ago


very nice well done

Posted 9 Years Ago


thank you!!!! thank you so much!!!!
all ur comments have been very helpful!!!!!

:)

Posted 9 Years Ago


I really enjoyed this piece; some wonderful imagery throughout. I'm definitely a sucker for effulgent stars and miasmal tufts of smoke. Well done!

Posted 9 Years Ago


beautiful descriptives~ the longing is poignantly felt~ the presentation adds to the heart of the poem~

Posted 9 Years Ago


pulls you in and well desriptive. nicely done.

Posted 9 Years Ago



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29 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on November 30, 2010
Last Updated on December 28, 2010

Author

Sunflower 20
Sunflower 20

Melbourne, Australia



About
I'm a 15 year old young writer who absolutely loves reading and writing. My stories have been praised by teachers, friends and family but I would really like someone to critically edit and give me fee.. more..

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