The past Haunts you

Hmmm, the description is a little confusing, hun. The first sentence makes it seem like an accident and the second sentence makes the event seem like a murder. Drowning is such a slow form of dying, water forever covering the air one craves for and usually, it's always an accident or "intended accident". Did you mean to do that? Entice the reader by letting them know right away that the death of Isabella's brother was no accident? Be careful with that and make sure that's what you want to do.

My inferences is that the younger brother will come back to haunt the girl. Apparently, Isabella must've had something to do with it seeing how the plot and scorn is directed at Isabella.

My suggestion is that the preview should be revised. Because the first sentence seems redundant. The "girl" is "six years old". A six year old female child is a girl and it distants the reader a bit. It's in Isabella's point of view, so it wouldn't hurt to just say Isabella since the name is also connected to a feminity.

Otherwise, the plot sounds familiar, so I'll see if I like the ride.

Posted 13 Years Ago